Boyfriend dumped me due to possible depression

Posted , 5 users are following.

I have been dating my boyfriend for 7 months. Although I realise this is a relatively short time, I felt more connected and in love with him than I ever did with my previous partner of several years. 

I thought everything was going great, we had been away for weekends together, spent all our free evenings together, and I was ready to tell him I was in love with him. 

Then yesterday completely out of the blue he says we need to have a talk. He said that his head is in a bad place at the moment and he needs some space. I asked what had happened in the last 48 hours for him to say that as only last weekend we had made passionate love and I fell asleep in his arms. 

He has a lot going on as he looks after his two elderly parents. Both are sick and his dad has recently had a number of seizures. On one occasion my boyfriend had to resuccitate him before calling the ambulance. 

Even though I realised my boyfriend was under stress he seemed to take it all in his stride. I had no idea he was suffering so much until our talk. He never let on that he was feeling depressed or stressed, but I now realise he's been feeling this way for some time.

He said he's not able to commit to a relationship at this time due to his mental state and his ongoing dedication to his parents. 

Although I understand why he feels this way I think that he would need as much support as he can get right now, but he is determined to get through it by himself. He wants to be friends though, which I agreed to.

I am very upset though as I feel like I've lost my best friend, I never got a chance to tell him I love him and I'm not sure if I should now. I realise he does need space to get himself back on track, but he made the breakup sound so final, even suggesting I find somebody else which really hurt. ??

I am trying to give him the space he needs but still remain supportive. What else can/should I do?

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    Hello Anne I am so sorry that you broke up with your boyfriend and that you are in so much pain. After having some time to reflect on the breakup..have you had any more thoughts on why it happened since you originally said it came out of no where? What makes you think that he left because of your depression? Are you just blaming yourself or do you suffer from depression? Anne it cannot be all your fault! As to you falling asleep after making love that happens naturally and to lots of people. Don't you think? We care about you here please get back to us and let us know how you are. Please. Diane

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  • Posted

    Hi Anne I feel your pain I've been through similar with my.gjrlfriend of 3 years recently. She's got lots going on with a child with behavioural problems and is a carer for her mother amongst other things.

    She too has pushed me away and wants to deal with things on her own despite me wanting to help rather than run away from things.

    It's a horrible feeling. All you can do is to be there for him but don't ring or message him every day. Give him a chance to miss you and hopefully he will realise what he had. I would tell him you love him though you should be able to do that after 7 months. Maybe he wants to hear that? Let me know how things go....

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  • Posted

    Anne, I would suggest that you continue to be kind , patient and supportive.

    The pressure he is under at this time is perhaps making him feel that he can't give you what he thinks you need (or deserve)---as his suggestion for you to find someone else leads me to believe.

    Given enough time , you both may come back to the relationship you had not too long ago. If not at least you can be good friends !

    Best wishes !

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  • Posted

    Hi Anne how are you? I hope that you will be able to give him all the distance that you can. Go out with other people try to make some new friends or do things by yourself. The stronger we get alone the happier we are. If it's meant to be he will come back but in the meantime be loving and kind to you! Nuture you!! I know you are hurt and confused I would be too. Please keep us posted we really care. Diane

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