Boyfriend has bipolar disorder and left me randomly?

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So I have, well had a boyfriend who suffers from bipolar disorder (unmedicated), We talked on and off for 4 years because he would always randomly leave but then come back. Then we finally started dating and we dated for over a year, we always had some problems because of his mental health but overall we had an amazing relationship and it was obvious how much we loved each other. But despite the fights he NEVER threatened breaking up with me until a few weeks ago.He kept saying he wanted to break up with me but he couldn't do it because he loves me so much. I was heart broken but we got through it and were semi fine.  But a week before he did this he was acting so weird with me, just very distant and what not and when I asked him about it he would get mad and defensive. So I just assumed it was his health and I kind of just tried to be extra nice to him and ignore it. But that didn't work. He kept pulling further and further away and I kept trying to love him extra through all of this but then two weeks ago he said that he thinks we need a break. I didn't agree but I figured if thats what he needed to do for himself than I will support it. He said he was going to go get the help he needed and come back to me. And the idea of that sounded amazing to me. But then he said that during this break he was going to talk to other woman. And I was not okay with that. Because if he was getting help to come back to me, why would he want to go talk to other woman? A few hours after we started our break he was already flirting with other girls and when I asked he told me straight up. I got upset about that and he was so apologetic and kept saying he wish he wasn't like this and bla bla bla. Then the next day he was treating me really bad so I was like it seems like you want this to be permanent and not just like a break and he goes yeah maybe that would be for the best and he broke up with me for real. He said he left because he didn't want to hurt me anymore and he just doesn't want a relationship he was "never that type of person" . and he straight up said he never wants to get back together with me. Then the day after he broke up with me he already has a "thing" with another girl. A girl that he started sitting next to in class the same week he started being weird with me? When I say this I mean it that we were doing so good and then all of a sudden he started acting distant and like he didn't like me anymore. The same week he started sitting next to that girl in class? I just don't understand and I don't know what to think. It was killing me so a few days after I found out I said something to him about the new girl and he opened it, ignored it and then blocked me and all my friends and family on everything. Obviously there is more to the story but this is just a brief overview so if you have any questions please ask! I know he loves me I can tell and I know I love him and I'm so quick to blame it on his bipolar disorder beause I've read things about how they always leave and come back. and on top of that his mom got up and left a year ago yesterday so I don't know if he was scared I was gonna leave so he left me first? I don't know I'm just really confused and upset and I need some advice. thank you so much.

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  • Posted

    Hi madison I too have a boyfriend (50yrs old ) who has bi polar & it’s been a very trying relationship since we met 3yrs ago 

    Yes regular break ups , unusual behaviour, changes his thinking & thoughts continually!! In my experience it’s always going to be a rollercoaster so get of it if you carnt handle it because it’s not going to change 

    I put up with it for various reasons , we live a distance apart (I’m 45yrs ) , have my own life , work home ect 

    Not going to get easier so just have to accept or leave 

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your response. And I am willing to put up with it because I truly love him with all my heart and I care for him so much. But when he leaves I'm at a loss because I don't know whether it is the bipolar disorder and I should just wait it out, or if its just him genuinely not liking me anymore and I need to accept that and move on. I don't know its just really hard. Thank you for your response though, it helped.

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  • Posted

    Where do I start my fiancé is undiagnosed but I’ve researched enough to know that a normal function of behavior is not what he has. I realized it when I constantly was on a roller coaster ride with him some days he is talkative but then he is distant. He can go a week acting normal loving me babe this I love you that then boom out of no where I’ve done something wrong he hates me. He has control issues he wants to feel important or as if I’m taking away his man good by simply asking him to communicate more or talk to me tell me when you wanna leave or thoughts in general. We are well we’re getting married in September but he had an episode and pushed me and put his hands in my face so aggressive I felt he wanted to really fight me yelling and all the kids saw this. It isn’t the first time they understand he has a problem we all see it but he doesn’t. He agreed to get couples counseling but even there she said he needed individual which of course he didn’t take it seriously. He refuses to realize he has a problem. After the counseling which she vaguely told him he needs to get help one in one which I’ve told him repeatedly but now he’s forgot and thinks he is superior and smarter than everyone now. I’ve tried it all I’m exhausted and embarrassed I have to explain To everyone the weddings off because my fiancé has a condition that won’t allow him to love, and show affection to me it comes and goes. It’s difficult I’ve cried prayed and all but he won’t get help.   

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  • Posted

    Hi 

    Without medical help your hands are tied , he will only get worse ! This is not an illness that you can cope with on your own , you need help & support 

    Medication stop you getting worse it doesn’t make you better 

    My partner has more bad days than good but takes his meds religiously 

    Get professional help 

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  • Posted

    Madison- I stumbled across this post attempting to seek answers for basically the same exact scenario. It appears I’m alittle bit older (25 and my husband is 28) but he is acting so similarly. His behavior has always been off (starting a few years ago) but recently (not even two weeks ago) has been diagnosed with bipolar 1.  He’s been threatening to get divorced because he “doesn’t feel the same about us” and “just doesn’t care anymore”. He will spend time 1:1 time with me, we have sex, we will go out with friends and then a few days into that he will ask other girls on dates, tell me blatantly, and threaten to breakup. We just got married 6 months ago after 6 years of being madly in love!!! He says he is going to get treatment (already goes to therapy and supposed to start taking meds) but this ongoing cycle of “pushing me into the corner” is exhausting. I work in the mental health field and this specific pattern of behavior is something I don’t see often and also am confused as hell. I realize this post is about two months old, but I really hope you get this and we can talk more. Please email me

    -Cassidy

    Moderator comment: I have removed the email address as we do not publish these in the forums. If users wish to exchange contact details please use the Private Message service.

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  • Posted

    Going through exactly the same thing . My boyfriend had dumped me yet again for the umpteenth time in 6 years saying he isnt in love with me anymore i have heard this on numerous occassions as well but always comes back to me and i like a fool go through the heartbreak all over again. He was on anti depressants which he recently stopped taking because he said he felt really happy mind you we were in florida on holiday having the best time 4 weeks ago , since we came back he has changed been very distant and stressed out he said and needs to focus on his life. Im thinking he has bipolar but he denys it but he definatly has some personality disorder just wish he would seek proper help x
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