Boyfriend with aspbergers

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hi.

my  boyfriend has aspbergershi and we have been together 8 months. I am in love with him and thought he was too. He has been under a lot of stress at work and has now said he needs space from me because of it. He is moving away in October and I was meant to go too and I wasn't happy about it at first. Is this reaction to stress normal? He keeps saying he needs to sort himself out. I'm used to I need space being a dumping phrase. I'm very confused any advice would be helpful 

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10 Replies

  • Posted

    possibly! You need to talk to him..
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    • Posted

      I did he just said his life was a mess and he needed space! I don't know if this reaction is normal for aspergers and if stress (this is major career altering stress) exacerbates it! Or if just like other men the 'I need space' line is just a line! He's been telling me he just needs time and he's sorry but I'm kinda confused
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    • Posted

      Hi Lucy. My son has high functioning autism which comes under the same umbrella as Aspergers. Maybe it would be a good idea for you to read up on the condition. Often they can be completely self absorbed. If he is having problems at work it may well be so overwhelming for him that he cannot see a way he can deal with it and cope with your feelings and a relationship. When my son had a difficult day he would shut himself in his room and request that I left him completely alone and not speak to him or disturb him in anyway. Sometimes it would be for Two hours. They do not deal well with any stress or confrontation and can feel totally overwhelmed by it. It sounds to me that he does need space and time. He has not said he does not want to be with you anymore. I think he would if that was the case. Hope it helps?
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    • Posted

      Hi Lucy my son is 19 and has aspergers and was diagnosed a year ago

      My son was running from home for space from the people who love him very confussing for us parents but he was also unable to maintain a relationship with his girlfriend he would blow hot and cold and was very unfair to her they did split up in the end despite my son adoring her his mind set was not good. I took my son to the gp and he confirmed what i thought his depression was so bad and his mood so very low he was not able to make decisions so it was easier to run. Please find so comfort to know that the there is help if your boyfriend talks to his doctor and not all men run away with intention his mind is just messed right now .

      Hope all works out for you xx catherine 

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    • Posted

      Thank you! My boyfriend suffers depressing as well I didn't realise the two could be linked! I'm really hoping he will get through this with the space he needs! I'm happy to give him that and I've told him so, just want to support him through this. Xx
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  • Posted

    well then agree a time to meet up again give him that space.. Maybe stressful work and a relationship is too much at once.. Asperger sufferers can only deal with one thing at a time.. Arrange to see each other again in say a year, if you think there is a future in the relationship? Otherwise break it off! It's not fair to you! You need to be clear about his intentions.. Being strung along for years is totally unacceptable.
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  • Posted

    Hi Lucy,

    What the others have already said is very true. I know I have never dealt with stress, pressure and change very well. I tend to shut down and withdraw a lot as it can be overwhelming. I would also take into account that if he really did intend to break up with you odds are he would just say that. I know I tend to just say what I mean...however everyone is very different. That goes for Aspersers too.

    I think you should give him a day or two and then try and talk to him again. You should also be aware that he may struggle talking about feelings and stuff like that so if he seems to brush you off or just shuts down please don't take that as a sign that he doesn't care. For me to talk about that sort of thing I have to almost rehearse how the discussion may go in advance and if it goes "off script" I just go blank. It's always been a real struggle for me when it comes to relationships. I actually find it so much easier to write it down...even writing letters to each other at times.

    I hope this helps even just a little.

    D

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    • Posted

      I think in any situation even a person without Aspergers, Stress can still be apparent and cause overwhelming symptoms. Everyone deals differently with situations and their coping Mechanisms react in individual ways.. Headaches, nausea, crying...it's a human condition. I think we expect too much from each other.. But talking is important and can be difficult when a person suffers with Aspergers and closeness.
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  • Posted

    Thank you everyone! That's really helped me. He has been saying he cares about me and when I asked if he wanted to fix us he said 'maybe, I just need space and time xx' I really hope I can be supportive of him! I guess he feels his world is crumbling around him at moment and can't see through it
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    • Posted

      it can be very tough when the person you want to help most in the world especially a loved one is blocking you from their own fears.. Space is all you need to give him.. Let him come to you.. Glad you have had the chance to talk it through, something you need to learn to do in your relationship.. Best of Luck communication is so important above all else .. Learn to sense and read the signs. 💞
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