Posted , 4 users are following.
I am desperate . Diagnosed with BPD last year. My emotions are a roller coaster ride and I'm always angry and irritable. I feel suicidal daily and won't commit due to having three children and a very poorly husband. It's getting beyond copable now and I feel that my whole family hates me. My husband is so poorly that his illness comes first and I feel like I am going out of my mind. I never smile and never go out and just continually think about dying. My children are 1 , 2 and 15 - I feel like I can't cope with them but am terrified that if I tell the mental health services exactly what's going on in my mind then they will take my children, put me in a psychiatric unit and then my husband will die if his illnesses and my children will be left with no parents. I am beyon frightened. Nothing makes me happy even my babies, all I want to do is curl up in a ball and die. I see no future for me, don't believe I am worthy of love and will only ruin anyone's love for me anyway due to my anger. It comes on so quick it's like I've been hit with a sledgehammer , I then only think about death. I am so desperate. My mental health team ironically have discharged me , my paranoid mind says it's because they don't think any things wrong. I then spend a lot of time rumitising on his crap they are and if they can't help them what's the point. The only meds that help is Diazapem but I can only be given small amounts and the pychiayrist has not suggested anything else😢 I would take any thing to help but they won't offer anything , I though t mood stabilisers may work, suggested it to doctor but got no comeback . Everyone who knows me thinks I'm this very happy lovely spiritual person, because that's what I must portray to them , but my immediate family think I'm a psycho basically so I just don't see the point in living anymore
2 likes, 6 replies