BPD diagnosis with Depression and food issues

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hi was diagnosed with BPD a few years ago and am taking lamotragine and venlafaxine which has been increased a couple of months ago as depressive episode. This hasn't made a difference! What next?

I also have a complicated relationship with food, binging and starving. At the moment I don't want to eat as there's no point, I can't be bothered and by not eating I'm punishing myself and not putting on weight. Spoke to my gp about this today but don't know how to deal with it.

anyone have any advice or support.

 

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  • Posted

    Hi Kate, I'm sorry you are going through this.  I am a recovering bulimic who has been on ADs for 20 years, currently trying to get off with a slow taper, so I get it.  Never did these meds help with the bulimia.  The only thing that really ground it to a stop was that I began to have physical symptoms that scared me, and I knew they were due to purging (sharp pain in side, acid reflux/GERD).  I felt too ashamed to go to the doctor about these, knowing that I had done it to myself, so quit.  Also, I felt so disgusted by the process, and I felt so physically horrible after purging, it all became very unappealing to me!

    Is BPD borderline personality disorder?  I don't have experience with this, so could you elaborate on your symptoms?  One thing I can tell you is that we with food issues usually have quite the dysfunctional history and way of dealing with our emotions, and we feel worthless and undeserving, and have very low self-esteem.  None of this was ever addressed with me by the meds.  After all these years I am finally dealing with this @#$%! using effective CBT methods and learning to love myself, have compassion for myself, and processing my emotions, realizing that it is OK to have them, but moving them out effectively so that they don't fester. 

    You ARE deserving!  If any of that resonates with you, then I imagine the BPD stems from these issues as well.

    If you care to chat more, you can PM me.  I feel I am finally dealing with my life issues in an effective way, and maybe I can offer guidance.  None of this is about religion or cultishness, so hopefully your mind is eased.

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    • Posted

      Hi Betsy, thanks for replying. Yes, BPD is borderline. I finished dialectical behavioural therapy, similar to CBT, ABOUT 6 months ago. I miss the contact and support although my CPN is really good as is my GP. I havnt kept in touch with any of the group as I run away from friendships and commitments, always have done!

      the eating has always been a problem but has started to rule my life since I was an inpatient for 6 months 4 years ago. Since then I haven't worked, have lost closeness with  my family, my husband and kids live an hour away. I try really hard to use the skills I learnt in DBT but the almost endless battles are exhausting.

      food, well I don't quite know how to describe it. I have never been slim, mum putting me on frequent diets when I was a kid hasn't helped. Now I always feel guilty when I eat, somehow toast isn't eating. It might be a bit of a vicious circle because of course after hardly eating for a while I do something stupid like eat a whole cake, hate myself after, drink, cut, you probably know it.

      i know I can never be the confident self assured person I was before all this came to a head and a long period of depression just adds to the cycle

      I honestly don't want to be like this but hanging in the black hole by my fingernails is not living. 

      God, this really is not light reading, is it!  I'm sorry.

       

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    • Posted

      I'm so sorry you are in this spot.  I'm like you, tend to be a loner.  The work I was doing involved daily phone connections with others, having them witness work which usually involved processing emotions.  Is there any way you can do a phone call with past group members, just to touch bases and maybe revisit some of the exercises you learned?  Though we are loners, the human connection is really valuable, especially when with someone who is also doing the work and understands.  We tend to not want to burden our loved ones, but again, that stems from not valuing ourselves and feeling deserving, right?

       

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  • Posted

    Hi Kate,

    Oh dear, you poor darling! Seems you're going through an aweful time. So sorry to hear that. I suffered anorexia for 7 years and I still have a terrible relationship with food, 20 years later. I was a chubby child and began starving myself in my teens, but I'd get so desperately hungry that I would binge. I've never been able to throw up, so I would also self harm. Eventually in my 20s I fianlly learned to dispise food enough to not eat. Even though I weighed 49 kg (7 and a half stone) I still saw fat when I looked in the mirror, especially I saw enormous lumpy disgusting legs (body dysmophia).

    So I get it.

    You must not suffer honey, because it is horrific. You need to try different meds till you find ones that work. There is no point taking meds that aren't helping. Somewhere out there is the perfect combination of meds for you. I'm on Quetiapine  25mg in the morning and 150mg at night, Propranalol 80mg three times a day and Diazepam 5mg as an when needed, rouhgly 5 per month. 

    I easily fall back into self hatred and loathing so I have to keep trying to love myself, respect myself, nurture myself and be my own best frind and my own loving parent. It is very hard at times, but I try my best. You need to love yourself and nurture yourself, really, as that will help with food issues and it should lihgten the depression.

    I hope you get the right meds and support soon.

    Best of luck Angel

     

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