Brain Change

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A brain change really does happen when you stop drinking.

​I remember being in the throes of alcoholism...and being so depressed that I thought my life was over.....and then coming into recovery...still feeling that way for about a month.

​And now I have 72 days....and just now I am realizing how sad, desperate and so close to believing that everything I thought about myself was TRUE. 

​I am now realizing I am strong (not weak like I felt), I am almost at a point where much of my paranoia about what others are thinking of me is vanishing...and it doesn't mean that people are NOT thinking bad things of me or about me..I am just realizing that I don't CARE what they think (where when I was drinking..I beat myself up...because I knew others were beating me up, I felt guilty, worthless...etc).

​I realize that no matter where I am in the world...my smile matters...my presence matters for whatever moment I am in in each day.  The fact that I am able to get up and shower (although still difficult as I still suffer from life long depression)...but the fact I am up and out is a miracle.

​Now it is time to stand up for myself on my home front..and on my health issues.  i figured out today with my (clearer) brain...that i have probably been on the wrong medication for the longest time.  I understand that Drs couldn't properly diagnose me for the last 2 years because I was always "recovering" from my long binges.  But, even 8 years sober..I never felt "happy".

​My brain has definetly changed. I'm typing this for others to have hope..because i know the feelings of despair...i hope that no one has to come as close to death as I did to get their brain back someday.  AND I want you to know...your whole world changes...I'm not saying my whole 2.5 months has been roses.....but it has been a h*ll of alot better than it has been for the last 2 years.

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    I am so pleased to hear you are doing so well!! Well done you! You should be proud of yourself!!

     

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    • Posted

      Yes! Thank you shelley.

      ​Today was a really rough day..I owe 3000 the government for taxes..I never had this problem before...I am very down today..but I keep saying...this too shall pass.

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  • Posted

    So lovely to hear positive thoughts!! I very much long to be in the same position one day. You are absolutely right about a brain change, I have struggled for so long but recently my thoughts and actions have fought against the alcohol. So much of a change from just thinking this is how your life will be full stop. I had my first app with alcohol services this week, and am desperate for some help, it really can't come quick enough. Just hoping and praying that my brain change won't change back again!! x x 
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  • Posted

    I am so very, very pleased to read your post, Misssy.  How wonderful that you feel such a change, I am more than happy for you.

    Keep up the good work, you must feel so proud.

    Pat xxxxxxxx

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  • Posted

    I'm so pleased that you are feeling this positive, Missy, and hope it stays this way x
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    • Posted

      Yea and about 3 days after I posted this I DRANK.

      That just shows how tricky this brain is. 

      Also, I puked the 2nd day I drank and I heard or read on this computer that the BRAIN has a trigger point in it...to throw up when the body has to get rid of something....Luckily for me this time...the day after I puked I did not drink...I went thru the h*ll of not drinking again since then...but it wasn't as bad as the h*ll I went thru...after 28 days of drinking.

       

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