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A brain change really does happen when you stop drinking.
I remember being in the throes of alcoholism...and being so depressed that I thought my life was over.....and then coming into recovery...still feeling that way for about a month.
And now I have 72 days....and just now I am realizing how sad, desperate and so close to believing that everything I thought about myself was TRUE.
I am now realizing I am strong (not weak like I felt), I am almost at a point where much of my paranoia about what others are thinking of me is vanishing...and it doesn't mean that people are NOT thinking bad things of me or about me..I am just realizing that I don't CARE what they think (where when I was drinking..I beat myself up...because I knew others were beating me up, I felt guilty, worthless...etc).
I realize that no matter where I am in the world...my smile matters...my presence matters for whatever moment I am in in each day. The fact that I am able to get up and shower (although still difficult as I still suffer from life long depression)...but the fact I am up and out is a miracle.
Now it is time to stand up for myself on my home front..and on my health issues. i figured out today with my (clearer) brain...that i have probably been on the wrong medication for the longest time. I understand that Drs couldn't properly diagnose me for the last 2 years because I was always "recovering" from my long binges. But, even 8 years sober..I never felt "happy".
My brain has definetly changed. I'm typing this for others to have hope..because i know the feelings of despair...i hope that no one has to come as close to death as I did to get their brain back someday. AND I want you to know...your whole world changes...I'm not saying my whole 2.5 months has been roses.....but it has been a h*ll of alot better than it has been for the last 2 years.
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