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This will be a long one, my ex fiance and i had been together for 9 years and have 7 year old twins. I have struggled massively with anxiety and depression for around 12 years, as part of my problems I have trouble trusting people and I get quite attached to people and am always terrified of loosing people especially had this with being terrfied of loosing my partner. When I was pregnant with my children we moved 200 miles away from our home town so we really had only each other to count on, I worked part time so was at home with our children and did all of the responsibilitys In the house and with the children while my ex partner worked nights. 2 years ago I went back to full time work and it was quite quickly after 4 days of deciding I was in full time work which pit alot of pressure on my ex which he hasn't had before, he hates his job and he had and spell with depression himself around a year and a half ago which was a huge deal for him to acknowledge because he is a bit of a sceptic around mental health, he went to the gp and refused medication and saw a councillor and they determined he needed to change jobs as it had a huge affect on his mental health and him as a person in general, he will not leave his job as it pays well so instead went back to the gym and threw himself into that quite obsessively, after all the issues with his depression he grew quite reclusive he didn't like to do much wouldn't like affection and was generally very different from the very loud out going person he was. From those issues it had an impact on our relationship, the more he got less caring/ affectionate etc I tried to get him back to that and since then he had since told me that he had found me less attractive due to my weight gain from the new desk job, he had told me he still wanted to be with me and loved me. We had struggled with working opposite shifts and the fact on the weekend he didn't like to do much as he was always tired but assured me that it was just him being tired and down and not because of anything to do with me, he's been worried about money and wanting to be able to get a new car and wanting to be able to go on nice holidays (who dosent) but he was very angry and said embarrsed that we don't have the money to do that, he's made comments about hopefully he will crash on the way to work , we moved into a new house which was more money a month and he then decided to tell me that he no longer feels the way he should about me and he isn't in love with me and feels there is no connection with me anymore, he went on saying he didn't know who he is anymore and he's struggled with the pressures of being a dad , he by the next day said he is happier when he's not around me and he hadn't said anything to me because he was to scared, he said he would leave once we had sorted what we would do for finances but after 2 weeks of him coming and going I said to leave and he has since moved out and says he doesn't miss me . This has broken me, i have been signed off from work for the past 6 weeks as in finding it hard to function, he's been my everything and I feel completely lost without him, I'm finding picturing my life without him hard to come to terms with , I want to sleep and not wake up I am finding this so hard to deal with I can't bare the thought of not being with him and our family nothing together, i just can't accept it, i feel like im slipping into a hole and I can't get out, I feel like I can't let go and I'm clinging onto hope, but it feels like he is still suffering the affects of not dealing with his depression and the stress of our busy life, but I don't know if I am just trying to convince myself.
1 like, 1 reply
wayne1962 emma42171
Posted
Hi Emma - are you getting any help for your depression? You have not said whether you were on meds at any time in those 12 years. If not, perhaps that is the place to start. With regards your ex-fiance, you gave him the out when you told him to leave and he has stated he "doesn't miss you." You have twins to think about here, and stability for them is important. I would suggest a visit to the doc, spill everything and take it from there. Meanwhile, you are going to have to think about what future there is for you without him. The change after a 9 year relationship will be challenging, but when you start planning a life without him you will move on from the pain and loss. Meanwhile, give him his space. If he has suicidal ideation - such as crashing his car - then he needs to get help too.