Broken Promises
Posted , 12 users are following.
So I am new just joined tonight. I am at work been searching the internet for 3 hours because I am at my breaking point. My husband and I have been married for 9 years but been together for 17. After the first year I figured out he was an alcoholic I was smart brave and childless at that poi t. I left for a year no contact what's so ever. One year later he calls out of the blue. I missed him the entire year and swore if he came looking for a second chance I would give it to him. Many many years later and very very bad fights later I am lost and ready to leave I think. 23 days ago we had another bad fight he was physical I called the cops but begged them not to arrest him just make him leave for the night. The next day I have him 3 options go get help now, sober up on your own but when you relapse we leave or you get help or we leave now. He chose option 2. Well I thought he was sober. The last 3 nights he has been acting silly tall tell sign in my house he has been drinking. I wait until he is asleep I search his garage and find a half drank 1.75 liter. I confront him he tries to say it was only a few drinks. He has been trying so he says. And I just don't understand. Well now here is the dilemma my brain says stick to your guns treatment or we leave. My heart says at least it's not as much. The kids didn't see it. Maybe this time he knows I mean business. I want him to get better. I want my family back. He won't see a therapist. Do I leave or give him another chance??
3 likes, 7 replies
Cisorium tonyarae81923
Posted
Hi Tony...
I would have been the first to tell you to walk away he'll never change that's until I became hooked it is a drug that can destroy. I'm a triathlete I train 6 days a week at least 3hrs aday i also drink everyday no laughing matter. I've have two young kids and husband who watch me drink... I'm on Selincore day 4 already I've noticed a big difference. Please don't give up on him. Try to get his doctor to prescribe Nalmefene.
philippa54385 tonyarae81923
Posted
It is definitely an illness and your husband needs help but he has to want it and reach out for it. So much help out there. AA, online forums like this one, loads to listen to on YouTube and agree that the doctors is a good way to go. Hope he accepts he needs help and looks for it. Sending hugs x
ANNA0812 tonyarae81923
Posted
Addiction is a very hard thing to live with. Once someone is addicted to something they aren't the same person again no matter what the substance or issue is. I was married to an addict. I had a child with him, so I had to get divorced. I gave him several chances, and nothing changed. He still struggles until this day. It had been 7 years. How long has your husband been sober for at one time? Has he tried AA, or made life style changes to where alcohol isn't wanted as much? My husband was a carpenter and worked for himself. I told him he needed to stay away from work for a while. It seems a lot of the guys he worked with were into drugs. That was always half the problem. He had other income, so I figured that would help. But it was only a matter of time until he started it again. Its a sad situation bc addicts know that they mess up and say sorry. And you do feel bad for them knowing how good they once were. But you have to think of yourself and your kids especially if abuse is going on. You can't have that. And if he is hiding alcohol in the garage, he probably is drinking more than you think. If he is out of control, it has to be either you or the alcohol!
Robin2015 tonyarae81923
Posted
Great reply from Anna! Hello tonnyarea and what a struggle for you. He is a heavy drinker like I was for many years. Always lying to my wife and hiding bottles anywhere. Sorry to be brutal but get firm and throw him out or at least make it clear that you know he is lying. Medication is the way forward. For certain. He has to accept it first of all. Best of luck 😀
Shevardnadze tonyarae81923
Posted
I’m so sorry I don’t really know the best advice but wanted to tell you I know how it feels. I’m in a similar boat - almost exactly in terms of how long we have been together and that kids are now on the scene which makes it so much more heartbreaking (for me anyway. ) I have read so much in the past few weeks to try to find out what to do. Thankfully there is no abuse but the drinking every night is mental torture for me. I feel I have to think about my own mental health and how I can be the best parent for my kids and unfortunately it is looking like that is without my husband in the house. Do you have any non-judgemental friends who will just listen and not dole out advice? I think you need to try and listen to your head and think without factoring your love for him into it. You probably already know the answer. Feel free to pm me. Sending a hug 🤗
alice80348 tonyarae81923
Posted
Hi, I'm so sorry you're in the heart wrenching situation, it's so hard isn't it? I was in the same position for years, no physical abuse though. In the end I just couldn't do it anymore. I used to take a pic of him on my phone every night after hed fallen asleep in a drunken stew, I also used to write down my feelings. It took it's toll on our marriage and my mental health eventually. I decided he wasn't going to rob me of the rest of my life, I wanted to be happily married, not baby sitting a drunk. I left 6 months ago and never looked back. You have to think about yourself if he refuses to get help. Feel free to pm me anytime my love, take care.
Counteecullen tonyarae81923
Posted
Think about your life and how wonderful it would be if you didn't have to deal with his problem. Sounds like you gave it 17 years already which is plenty of time. Look forward to enjoying a life without having to deal with someone who is addicted. You deserve much better.