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c ant wrap my mind around the idea.....

Posted , 3 users are following.

shell94374
shell94374

ever since I can remember I've been in pain in some way, but always been to scared to find out why. I'm not very far into this journey to finding answers, I have not yet seen a specialist or been officially diagnosed.... but for the first time in my whole life yesturday I watched video after video of women jist like me saying the same exact things I have always experienced and thought I was crazy. . . I have learned to cope with the pain and it's gonna be difficult but that's not what's eating at me..

I have never had a good relationship with my mom, I have always wanted to some day become a mom and I've struggled with addiction and depression. , but I'm 22 and I'm at a point where I am coming out of it and working towards my future because in my head I know something bad is bound to happen but I always had this image of me as a mom. to have this little thing that I made in my belly and gave everything for and changed my life for that I could look at and see me in that baby..... to have a little angle look up at me and feel that connection that I see with moms and long to feel , but I've been patient. my time will come......... but what if it doesnt...... nobody and any video or website i have searched , not one person has any advise this feeling. how did you survive this sinking feeling. I just go down down down .. ........

I know there's other options. I know o have so much love to offer and I would love to adopt a child , yes. but how will I n9t bec9me bitter when I've always had to taken care of everyone else's kids they never wanted . why do they get blessed . why have I always felt this certainty that I will be blessed with that. I have so many emotions. I was finally getting a plan and forming some idea of the future, always leaving room for life's tragities.... but I was more prepared in my head to hear something like cancer than this......... I feel really defeated and I know this is only the beginning...

0 likes, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • shell94374
    shell94374

    Posted

    I haven't been to a specialist but I wrote out 6 whole pages of everything that's bothered me always and for how long .... I told him I knew most of it was probly anxiety and he agreed and that every symptom I have points to this. thought I should clarify..... is there anything that mocks the symptoms of endometiosis?

    • ryann33508
      ryann33508 shell94374

      Posted

      Depends on your symptoms. There are a lot of abdominal conditions. For example I have severe Crohn’s but that is more GI, but it is all close and my Crohn’s is likely linked to endometriosis because they are both inflammatory conditions. Endometriosis is also hard to diagnose without surgery and that should only be done when absolutely necessary. I got an official diagnosis with surgery because I was fortunate enough (sarcasm) to develop a 6cm cyst on one of my ovaries from endometriosis. Up to then i had no idea I might have it, everything was attributed to Crohn’s, including sometimes having bad periods. What you need to focus on is the treatment, most importantly your treatment for depression and addiction. If you don’t alresdy, start eating healthy and exercising, even when you don’t feel well. Getting good nutrients in your body and getting your blood circulating helps with pain management. Try to limit things like dairy and gluten. That’s hard but no matter what the issue is, your body gets all out of whack when you eat dairy and gluten and other preservatives. Some people can handle it and stay healthy, some people can’t. I can tell when I eat dairy and gluten because I get irritable and I get headaches and my endometriosis actually acts up. Sometimes it’s worth it for those cookies or that burger, but usually not. 
  • ryann33508
    ryann33508 shell94374

    Posted

    Endometriosis patients can’t get pregnant. Have your doctors said it’s out of the question? I haven’t always wanted to be a mom but since meeting my now husband it is something i want. Since meeting him I’ve also been diagnosed with severe endometriosis. I’ve had surgery for it to remove a cyst caused by it, as well as severe Crohn’s for which I’ve had multiple surgeries for that and I was severely malnourished during puberty and again at 25 due to Crohn’s. I’m on two chemotherapies to treat it, both of which are advised throughout pregnancy because the alternative is worse. I also have depression and anxiety and I’m medicated for that and have been for most of the past 20 years.

    My mom and I dont have the kind of relationship where i can tell her everything, but I was diagnosed quickly and treated and thus avoided self medicating and addiction or even fatal complications because of her. But I know how easily even with treatment it can be to self-medicate. 

    Don’t give up hope of getting pregnant. There is a special bond mothers have with children they have carried. But think of it this way, adoption is a special bond as well. It takes a major adjustment for mother and child. That bonding could help you create a close relationship with a child.

    Don’t count your mother out yet though. I don’t know what caused issues between you and your mother but my mother and i have bonded over our respective husbands and their imperfections (yes, my father, yes, they’re still married, just man stuff like forgetting to put the milk away). 

    That being said, even if you give birth to a child, that doesn’t mean you will automatically be close with him or her. It’s just not how life works.

    Now, go to bed. Cry. This sucks. Endometriosis is hard. It’s painful. But now you have a diagnosis, there are treatments, and there is a possibility that you can get pregnant and turn things around for your child. Everyone has a hard life, and unfortunately you are no exception, and I’m sorry for that, and there’s nothing wrong in eating a pint of ice cream and watching your favorite chick flick when it gets hard, but you have no choice but to remember that tomorrow is a new day to make other parts of your life better.

  • aitarg35939
    aitarg35939 shell94374

    Posted

    Hey all of you: endo women are not all infertile! Please don't buy into that piece of nonsense. Some are, some aren't and there is no way to predict.

    Shell, absolutely keep working on taking care of yourself. Please don't let a remote possibility-- and it's pretty remote when you don't know if you have a disease-- destroy you.

    Doctors are always looking for easy solutions. If we go along with them, and we often do, we tend to minimize our symptoms because it feels like we'll get their approval by doing that, then they're happy: problem solved, wasn't a problem at all, pay me anyway. It is hard to resist the urge to perform for them.

    You may be stressed, but I doubt that stress causes all your symptoms. Start writing them down, with the date. As to dairy & gluten, I'm in my '60s and consume dairy every day without problems. I don't consume gluten on a daily basis, but I have no problem with it. You must find what works for you, but finding out what's wrong is crucial. Just don't believe anyone who says that all endo women are infertile. That's a total crock!

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