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Hello, I have been to a few psychiatrists and I'm now on anti-psychotic and I feel a lot better now. I don't know what my diagnosis is, but my psychiatrist told my partner that I show early symptoms of psychosis or even schizophrenia. Irrational thoughts and fears ruined my life and my social, professional, any kind of life, but right now I feel in control. Irrational fears controled myself and I had episodes where I hurt myself, scream and wanted to die because of my thoughts. In such ''episodes'' I FELT that my thoughts real. (that people are about to hurt me and that I've done horrible things that I actually didn't - I'm some kind of aware of it right now). I didn't feel like myself and felt that I'm not a person, I felt that I am a devil that need to be killed. I feel a lot better now but I can't say that those episodes wouldn't come back in future and I am a little scared.
I am aware right now that I have a lot of irrational thoughts, but sometimes I FEEL that they are reality, even in theory, I understand that they are strange. What do you think about this?
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