Can anyone help me,

Posted , 6 users are following.

This discussion has been locked due to a period of inactivity. Start a new discussion

I've been going out with a lovely man for five months, who has advised me that he has aspergers. I need some help as one minute he is loving and the.  Next time I see him he is distant and almost doesn't seem like he wants to be with me. I'm on an emotional roller coaster very up then very down as I don't know where I stand

0 likes, 5 replies

Report

5 Replies

  • Posted

    Aspergers Syndrome has very wide spectrum and hopefully your man is not too badly affected.  Have you been able to talk to him about how it affects him?  I guess it's a question of whether or not you're willing to understand and tolerate the things which make your man 'different'.  I'd also say that there are many men who don't have Aspergers who can blow hot and cold!
    Report
    • Posted

      True. No I haven't been able to talk to him as I don't want him to think its a big issue. I'm just getting to know him so as I love him I'll just have to go with the flow for now. I was just wondering if anyone had any knowledge of aspergers and how it affects the person, as is this normal ? This for your reply 
      Report
    • Posted

      Having worked with people with Aspergers I would say that some things are common to the condition (like perhaps not being able to respond at a 'normal' emotional level, not always realising the impact of what they say and do, and seeing things in black and white rather than shades of grey) whilst other things vary tremendously from person to person.  It really is worth talking to your man about how he feels his condition affects him and what problems it has created in the past.  I'm sure if you love him and accept his differences you will be able to move forward in your relationship.  But, it's not always easy!
      Report
  • Posted

    Living with Asperger partner is NOT easy, and you can work at it together, but you must talk about it. However the problem is always going to be there, and you will need a lot of strength to remember he loves you even if he isnt showing it or telling you. Its not his fault, and there are probably many endearjng qualities in your boyfriends character. But if you cant be tolerant, accepting and loving all the time you will hurt him, and yourself in the long term. My advice if you want to make it work, is to build your own separate life as well as your partnership. That way when he ignores you you have other things in your life. I wish you well. Aspergers sufferers deserve and need to be loved like anyone else.
    Report
  • Posted

    Advantage of ASD partners is that they are direct and clear.  The disadvantage is that you have to learn a new language to communicate effectively both ways.  I'm guessing from your pseudonym that you are a linguist?  That will definitely help!  There is a great book that might help give some insight into relationships like these: An Asperger Marriage by Christopher Slater-Walker.
    Report

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion

Report as inappropriate

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up