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I am a 22 year old female, I was raped when 17 on my first girls holiday, but also have grown up with a violent, addict father.
I have always been quite an angry character, I guess which has been the result of my fathers doing, since I was raped I have suffered from sporadic nightmares, depression, anxiety and anger episodes, although I have managed to hide these well for a long time and they are quickly becoming a lot worse.
I have attempted suicide twice, with no luck, to which I am grateful of now, although still this sometimes takes over me.
I have had recent bouts of anger to the point of holding a knife to my throat and threatening to kill my husband, I rarely remember much in these moments, almost like an out of body experience, where I would watch myself from another side of the room and have no control over it and at first I would joke that "my evil twin" had come out to play, but this has got past the point of humour, after my last episode, I promised to go get help, sometimes after I have calmed down I am in denial of what I have done, because I simply cannot remember doing it.
Recently my nightmares are becoming so bad I am waking up around 8 or 9 times a night, screaming, shouting, kicking, punching and crying.
I have never seen a councillor, but am currently on my 2nd meeting with psychotherapist, she is focusing on my anger but doesn't seem to be taking into account my nightmares, flashbacks or feeling low and helpless.
I am not diagnosed with PTSD but my mother, who works in mental health, suggested today that I look into it as she recognises the signs. Please could anyone give me any advice if this sounds like PTSD? and how can I suddenly be suffering from it, 5 years later?
Thankyou in advance.
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