Can Depression/Anxiety make you think you don't love someone?
Posted , 159 users are following.
Hello, thanks for reading and I apologize for the length.
About a month and a half ago, something happened in my relationship (my fault) that kind of triggered (at first) an enormous amount of guilt.. which then subsided a little bit. I was good for a few days and then bam... "do I love him?" a thought so truly devastating and painful that I was crying all day. A man, so loyal...loving...caring...truly the love of my life. We have a relationship like you've never seen before. It's so unique and that's what makes it so special. But when these thoughts started... I truly feel like I've lost myself. These thoughts give me multiple breakdowns a week.. cause me to feel extremely overwhelmed everyday. I feel tired, exhausted.. I don't fantasize about my future anymore because the want to "live" is kind of gone. (Not a suicide threat). Before all of this... my boyfriend made me so damn happy. Everyday, my love truly grew stronger for him. We talked about our future, and what we want. We have all of it in common. I can still be sexual with him some days. But when I overthink and get these thoughts...I cannot. It's truly killing me because I don't want to end things with him... all I want to do is get back to being happy with him. I keep getting these intrusive thoughts like "do I love him" "what if I will feel like this forever and the only way to get better is if we leave each other". I cannot be without him.. everything we've talked about.. all the memories we made. He truly loved me to the core and I do too.. but these thoughts are killing me. When we're apart, like rn.. we sleep on the phone together every night and it's something I can't not do. I cry to him over the phone, explaining to him how much this is hurting me. He tries to understand to the best of his ability and he's as supportive as he can be. Could I be depressed and anxious? The first 2 weeks of this issue.. I was lying in bed all day all night.. I was sweating with a cold feeling and every noise I heart scared me and made my heart race. I did not eat, I did not sleep right. Just so many issues that have again, slowed down a bit. What should I do? 😞. The only time these feelings kinda go away is when I do things together with my boyfriend. When I'm alone and SOMETIMES with him, the thoughts hit me and I just want to cry. I don't feel free.. I feel trapped in a pool of my own thoughts trying to eat me alive. Please help me😞
18 likes, 222 replies
Aspinan chantal_76583
Edited
Hi Chantal, I can say quite categorically that anxiety and depression can make you question your relationship with people, I've seen it a few times on this forum and experienced it myself, they are intrusive thoughts which you ruminate over and it becomes quite distressing.
As your depression and anxiety lifts things, thoughts and feelings will start to go back to normal, you won't be like this forever.
I know my reply is short and sweet but you can stop worrying things will be okay.
Neil
sam18386 chantal_76583
Posted
9999 chantal_76583
Edited
Hi Chantal
Anxiety can cause us to doubt everything I'm sure you do love him. I doubt everything with Anxiety. It sounds like you're depressed also. A therapist can help you. Don't think you don't love him its the depression and anxiety. A therapist will properly diagnose you and give you treatment. Good Luck👍
What I got from what you mention is that you feel better when distracted by doing things like hobbies ect. You were panicking the first two weeks with what you're describing. You're stressed out. Manage stress with meditation and yoga. 💖
ellebi chantal_76583
Edited
Am in the same situation.
I love him, we get on so well but I have no interest sexually anymore, Ive lost interest in sex and this has been ongoing for about a year now.
Dont know how or where to go, am currently under going councelling but we havent got on to this issue yet as I am dealing with so many other issues.
I suffer from GAD and Depression and have done over 10 years.
Every day nearly I am contemplating whether my relationship has a future, will I ever feel the same way again.
I have also gained about 4 stone in weight with is making me very self consious about myself, how can I really love anyone else when I dont love myself
tayla8716 ellebi
Edited
can i please ask if this is still how you feel? your comment sounds exactly like myself and my situation
ellebi tayla8716
Posted
things are alot better now thank god
we started having sex and working on the relationship a bit more
Moody43 ellebi
Posted
Hey Chantel, are there any other things that helped you to get over these thoughts? Ive been experiencing the same thing and it's been killing me so any advice would be appreciated 😃
natalie43226 Moody43
Posted
Hi i just thought id reply here as I sometimes have similar thoughts. what i find most useful is to remember you dont need to act upon thoughts like this, or take any action. I always look for "evidence" to know whether it is something I actually need to worry about. For example, there is no evidence that I should break up with my boyfriend as he still makes me laugh and treats me amazingly. I also find it useful to remember you only over think it because you care so much! When the feelings do pass, write a diary, and look back on it or photos to remind you it is just your brain trying to protect you, once you can establish the difference between an anxious though and a useful thought it is much easier
5688 natalie43226
Posted
I'm still a young adult myself but i really love this boy i have since day 1 and my anxiety has clearly been creeping on me i have a counsellor and i go to a mental health service and they both say i have signs of anxiety but clearly i do i suffer from really bad compulsions to continuously do things in a certain way have them tidy do them a certain number of times which has also been noted as signs of Ocd. The feelings i get of anxiety are awful i really cant get over them even writing some of this can make me freeze feel short breathed and panicked i get these doubts too and it hurts so much so much i am open with him about them and he helps me so much he is amazing and i am not ending things nope but this anxiety is attacking my head thoughts and feelings and i believe hurting his too.
rita05418 chantal_76583
Posted
For me it made me think that people didn't love me and that I didn't love them too. But since it was constantly on my mind, it surely reminded me that if I worried, it was because I loved them. It'll get easier! calm down and take your time.
jennifer_06276 chantal_76583
Edited
I’m sorry to hear you are suffering, although I’m relieved to see you’re post as I’m struggling with the that exact same thing. It’s good to know I’m not the only one experiencing these weird thoughts.
Me and my boyfriend have been together nearly two years and very quickly in that time we have had a beautiful baby girl and we have just bought a house we are moving into in the new year.
My anxiety and depression has flared up again and I’ve been so anxious around my boyfriend and I’m getting the same thoughts, ‘do I still love him’. I only feel like this one I’m anxious though so I’m pretty sure it is the anxiety. But everything you have described am I feeling and it’s very scary and upsetting as I want my feelings to go back to the way they were before.
I was just wandering how you have been getting on and whether you have found anything to help yet?
Thanks
Jen
chase87964 jennifer_06276
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chase87964 jennifer_06276
Posted
shan56120 chantal_76583
Edited
First I’d like to say that I have been through all of this before. I don’t have a history with anxiety or depression and neither does my family but I was unlucky enough to try an awful birth control which made my hormones spiral. In my first relationship of 6 years, about 2 years in I started to doubt us and have the “what if I don’t love him thoughts” well, let me tell you, they were awful and I suffered for a few months with these. (I was not taking any medication at the time, I wanted my body to heal naturally.) But, things did get so much better and all of the love returned. We went on to date for 4 more years but the relationship ended due to things not even related to this.
On that note, once again I was put on a different birth control pill and boom, all of the negative symptoms returned. I am with a new partner, he’s truly the man I want to marry. I am so in love with him but I am so anxious and depressed all the time that I can’t tap into that love. Not to mention being around him makes me super anxious because as soon as I see him I constantly wonder if we should be together. I truly believe that this is all due to anxiety and depression. With time the love will return and things will go back to normal. It just sucks that it’s a constant silent battle within yourself. It’s nice being able to share our thoughts and feelings with people who truly understand how awful it is.
Just remember, you loved your partner before your anxiety. It’s still there, you can feel the love for them again.
chloe50105 shan56120
Posted
your experience sounds very similar to what my bf is currently expressing.
He’s been going through an anxious and depressive stage since September and it’s been extreamly tough in our relationship, he’s spoke of not knowing how he feels and feeling numb towards everything in Life on a few occasions.
Then in Jan he told me he felt he needed a break.. he wanted time alone to sort himself out and felt he needed time to miss me as he didn’t know how he felt anymore, he knew he loved me but couldn’t feel it..it was awful.
So we parted for two months and did not speak.
He came back two weeks ago and we meet up, he told me he does Love me and wants to work things out..taking it slow, enjoy dating each other again.. this made me so happy however.. what concerned me was that he said he was feeling better than ever and had stopped taking his meds a couple weeks into the break..he went home and I got a text later from him saying .. he felt depressed as hell and didn’t think he was ready for these emotions.
Since then we have been on another date and we had another emotional chat.. (alcohol induced) ending in tears of love and joy and me going home with him, we made love and then he turned to me and said that maybe this confirmed his ED was cs he doesn’t find me sexually attractive anymore and I am the reason for his depression, and maybe he’s not in Love with me..
it’s one extreame to another!
The next morning he was loving and affectionate again!?
I called him later the next day to discuss in a sober manner and he said.. he didn’t think it was working.. he loves me and loves being with me but after both times we’ve met, he leaves feeling depressed.
He then said he needed a few days to talk to his mum/friends as he didn’t want to make the wrong descision and regret it...
This is tormenting us both..if I thought he was truely wanting to end it.. I could walk away.. but somethings stopping me. Maybe I needs me to make the descision and end things .. even if we reconnect again in the future.
Sorry for the essay.. but if you could offer any words of advice.. I’d be so grateful xx
mondulla26561 chloe50105
Posted
I can feel your pain..i am so very depressed and i feel like i cant go on,,something similar happened to me..the man i had been dating for 2 years after going through really hard times because of his problems finally proposed to me, said he loved me like he had never loved anyone, that he wanted to have children..the most beatiful proposal...and i said yes and after two days (literally)he collapsed and had to go to the hospital and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression and now has to take meds and told me he wanted to break up with me, not only that, he said that he didnt leave me because he is ill but because he wanted to feel more and didndt feel love for me.. i am devastated because i love him so much..and i want to cry all day and im worried he may date other girls...
louise101078 chloe50105
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louise101078 mondulla26561
Posted
What is your situation right now?
edithvzqz chloe50105
Posted
Hi Chloe i hope you can see this.. I started crying while reading your experience, it's thee same thing I'm going through right now with my boyfriend. We've been together for 1.5 years and it's the most beautiful and loving relationship we've ever had.
I've always knew he wasn't felling right with himself and that he was struggling with sadness, i advised him to go and see an specialist but he never wanted. I started noticing him really weird in Dec. and in February i realized he wasn't the same in our relationship, in all this time i though it was me and i was kind of afraid he stopped loving me.
Last week he told me he wasn't sure about his fellings towards me, he told me thinks he just doesn't love me anymore. For me hearing this was shocking, he asked me to take us a break in our relationship while he tries to find out what is happening with him, he just says he fells empty, that he can't feel anything. He doesn't want to talk to anyone, he lost the passion for certain things. He thinks he has failed me and i just don't know how to handle this thing. Some days he talks to me like nothing has happened, other days he says nothing. I don't know what to do, he doesn't what me to leave but also he doesn't want me to stay. I hope anyone cam see this and give me an advice
heather29515 edithvzqz
Posted
you guys. this. is what is happening with me. my partner (i guess now ex) was laid off of work for 4 months. he was incredibly depressed and told me how "he just wanted to be alone with his thoughts and left alone." but he kept being affectionate and wanting to be touched and loved and talked to. i had no idea what to do but try to get him to talk about it each day. we were working on our relationship and the boundaries and things were nerve wrecking, because of his depression. but at the same time he seemed still there. then one day he came home and told me he was done. it was too exhausting and he has wanted out for awhile. but then he hugged and loved on me and promised to be back later for his stuff. and left...
he called eventually. telling me that he wasnt being heard and he had just wanted space but everything was too much and he was tired of me trying to figure it out. and how he wants out. he is never coming back.
we have been together 4 years. he seemed depression, but he was still very affectionate and loving and okay. i thought it was because of work.... idk