Can Depression/Anxiety make you think you don't love someone?

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Hello, thanks for reading and I apologize for the length. 

About a month and a half ago, something happened in my relationship (my fault) that kind of triggered (at first) an enormous amount of guilt.. which then subsided a little bit. I was good for a few days and then bam... "do I love him?" a thought so truly devastating and painful that I was crying all day. A man, so loyal...loving...caring...truly the love of my life. We have a relationship like you've never seen before. It's so unique and that's what makes it so special. But when these thoughts started... I truly feel like I've lost myself. These thoughts give me multiple breakdowns a week.. cause me to feel extremely overwhelmed everyday. I feel tired, exhausted.. I don't fantasize about my future anymore because the want to "live" is kind of gone. (Not a suicide threat).  Before all of this... my boyfriend made me so damn happy. Everyday, my love truly grew stronger for him. We talked about our future, and what we want. We have all of it in common.  I can still be sexual with him some days. But when I overthink and get these thoughts...I cannot. It's truly killing me because I don't want to end things with him... all I want to do is get back to being happy with him. I keep getting these intrusive thoughts like "do I love him" "what if I will feel like this forever and the only way to get better is if we leave each other". I cannot be without him.. everything we've talked about.. all the memories we made. He truly loved me to the core and I do too.. but these thoughts are killing me. When we're apart, like rn.. we sleep on the phone together every night and it's something I can't not do. I cry to him over the phone, explaining to him how much this is hurting me. He tries to understand to the best of his ability and he's as supportive as he can be. Could I be depressed and anxious? The first 2 weeks of this issue.. I was lying in bed all day all night.. I was sweating with a cold feeling and every noise I heart scared me and made my heart race. I did not eat, I did not sleep right. Just so many issues that have again, slowed down a bit. What should I do? 😞. The only time these feelings kinda go away is when I do things together with my boyfriend. When I'm alone and SOMETIMES with him, the thoughts hit me and I just want to cry. I don't feel free.. I feel trapped in a pool of my own thoughts trying to eat me alive. Please help me😞

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  • Posted

    Hi Chantal, I can say quite categorically that anxiety and depression can make you question your relationship with people, I've seen it a few times on this forum and experienced it myself, they are intrusive thoughts which you ruminate over and it becomes quite distressing.

    As your depression and anxiety lifts things, thoughts and feelings will start to go back to normal, you won't be like this forever.

    I know my reply is short and sweet but you can stop worrying things will be okay.

    Neil 

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  • Posted

    Aw Chantal, you poor girl this sounds very much like anxiety and depression what you need to find out is whether you can do anything about this so you can live your life without feeling so sad.  Go out, walk, talk to people and ask for counselling if you feel you can tolerate this, please take care, of yourself.
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  • Posted

    Hi Chantal

    Anxiety can cause us to doubt everything I'm sure you do love him. I doubt everything with Anxiety. It sounds like you're depressed also. A therapist can help you. Don't think you don't love him its the depression and anxiety. A therapist will properly diagnose you and give you treatment. Good Luck👍

    What I got from what you mention is that you feel better when distracted by doing things like hobbies ect. You were panicking the first two weeks with what you're describing. You're stressed out. Manage stress with meditation and yoga. 💖

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  • Posted

    I feel your pain.

    Am in the same situation.

    I love him, we get on so well but I have no interest sexually anymore, Ive lost interest in sex and this has been ongoing for about a year now.

    Dont know how or where to go, am currently under going councelling but we havent got on to this issue yet as I am dealing with so many other issues.

    I suffer from GAD and Depression and have done over 10 years.

    Every day nearly I am contemplating whether my relationship has a future, will I ever feel the same way again.

    I have also gained about 4 stone in weight with is making me very self consious about myself, how can I really love anyone else when I dont love myself

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  • Posted

    For me it made me think that people didn't love me and that I didn't love them too. But since it was constantly on my mind, it surely reminded me that if I worried, it was because I loved them. It'll get easier! calm down and take your time.

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  • Posted

    Hi Chantal

    I’m sorry to hear you are suffering, although I’m relieved to see you’re post as I’m struggling with the that exact same thing. It’s good to know I’m not the only one experiencing these weird thoughts. 

    Me and my boyfriend have been together nearly two years and very quickly in that time we have had a beautiful baby girl and we have just bought a house we are moving into in the new year.

    My anxiety and depression has flared up again and I’ve been so anxious around my boyfriend and I’m getting the same thoughts, ‘do I still love him’. I only feel like this one I’m anxious though so I’m pretty sure it is the anxiety. But everything you have described am I feeling and it’s very scary and upsetting as I want my feelings to go back to the way they were before.

    I was just wandering how you have been getting on and whether you have found anything to help yet?

    Thanks

    Jen

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    • Posted

      Have things gotten better for you? I’m currently feeling the same way. I was just curious to see if these horrible feelings and thoughts go away? 
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    • Posted

      Have things gotten better for you? I’m currently feeling the same way. I was just curious to see if these horrible feelings and thoughts go away? 
      Report Reply
  • Posted

    Hey everyone,

    First I’d like to say that I have been through all of this before. I don’t have a history with anxiety or depression and neither does my family but I was unlucky enough to try an awful birth control which made my hormones spiral. In my first relationship of 6 years, about 2 years in I started to doubt us and have the “what if I don’t love him thoughts” well, let me tell you, they were awful and I suffered for a few months with these. (I was not taking any medication at the time, I wanted my body to heal naturally.) But, things did get so much better and all of the love returned. We went on to date for 4 more years but the relationship ended due to things not even related to this. 

    On that note, once again I was put on a different birth control pill and boom, all of the negative symptoms returned. I am with a new partner, he’s truly the man I want to marry. I am so in love with him but I am so anxious and depressed all the time that I can’t tap into that love. Not to mention being around him makes me super anxious because as soon as I see him I constantly wonder if we should be together. I truly believe that this is all due to anxiety and depression. With time the love will return and things will go back to normal. It just sucks that it’s a constant silent battle within yourself. It’s nice being able to share our thoughts and feelings with people who truly understand how awful it is. 

    Just remember, you loved your partner before your anxiety. It’s still there, you can feel the love for them again. 

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    • Posted

      Hi Shan, 

      your experience sounds very similar to what my bf is currently expressing.

      He’s been going through an anxious and depressive stage since September and it’s been extreamly tough in our relationship, he’s spoke of not knowing how he feels and feeling numb towards everything in Life on a few occasions.

      Then in Jan he told me he felt he needed a break.. he wanted time alone to sort himself out and felt he needed time to miss me as he didn’t know how he felt anymore, he knew he loved me but couldn’t feel it..it was awful.

      So we parted for two months and did not speak.

      He came back two weeks ago and we meet up, he told me he does Love me and wants to work things out..taking it slow, enjoy dating each other again.. this made me so happy however.. what concerned me was that he said he was feeling better than ever and had stopped taking his meds a couple weeks into the break..he went home and I got a text later from him saying .. he felt depressed as hell and didn’t think he was ready for these emotions.

      Since then we have been on another date and we had another emotional chat.. (alcohol induced) ending in tears of love and joy and me going home with him, we made love and then he turned to me and said that maybe this confirmed his ED was cs he doesn’t find me sexually attractive anymore and I am the reason for his depression, and maybe he’s not in Love with me.. 

      it’s one extreame to another! 

      The next morning he was loving and affectionate again!? 

      I called him later the next day to discuss in a sober manner and he said.. he didn’t think it was working.. he loves me and loves being with me but after both times we’ve met, he leaves feeling depressed.

      He then said he needed a few days to talk to his mum/friends as he didn’t want to make the wrong descision and regret it...

      This is tormenting us both..if I thought he was truely wanting to end it.. I could walk away.. but somethings stopping me. Maybe I needs me to make the descision and end things .. even if we reconnect again in the future.

      Sorry for the essay.. but if you could offer any words of advice.. I’d be so grateful xx

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    • Posted

      Chloe,

      I can feel your pain..i am so very depressed and i feel like i cant go on,,something similar happened to me..the man i had been dating for 2 years after going through really hard times because of his problems finally proposed to me, said he loved me like he had never loved anyone, that he wanted to have children..the most beatiful proposal...and i said yes and after two days (literally)he collapsed and had to go to the hospital and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression and now has to take meds and told me he wanted to break up with me, not only that, he said that he didnt leave me because he is ill but because he wanted to feel more and didndt feel love for me.. i am devastated because i love him so much..and i want to cry all day and im worried he may date other girls...

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  • Posted

    Hi Chantal,

    I’m writing to ask if you’ve found any relief, as I am going through exactly the same thing. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. He’s been absolutely wonderful as well. Loyal, kind, loving, nurturing, fun, funny, etc. I know I want to marry this man. Although I’m only 22, I messed around enough and dated enough trash to know that someone like my boyfriend doesn’t come around often. I’ve found a true gem. He’s become a part of my future. However, I was unfaithful to him in the beginning of our relationship. I didn’t confess until last year in October. He was distraught, which also affected me because I was, and still am, tremendously ashamed of what I did. How could I hurt him like that?? I sobbed for a week and I slowly began to feel happy againor so it seemed. About a week later after finally feeling okay again I began to have awful intrusive thoughts. “You don’t really love him.” Since that day the thoughts have spiraled so much that I am now convinced I don’t truly love my boyfriend & I will get tired of him. But I’m still here (I live with him) because I know deep down I must love him, before all this nonsense started. My therapist told me I’m going through a wave of depression, though I also have terrible anxietymy intrusive unwanted thoughts. I’m growing increasingly hopeless because I’ve no sex drive & keep thinking it must be because  I don’t love my bf. It’s tryly exhausting. I hope you are feeling better. If not, I truly hope you can find the help you need because it sounds a lot like what I am currently going through. Xoxo 

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    • Posted

      I hope you’re still active! I’m going through the same thing & it didn’t start until my depression & anxiety were onset by my birth control pills. I got off as soon as I realized they were effecting my ability to feel. Now i question if i love my boyfriend and that’s something i never would have done before. I’ve always been so sure then bam! everything became foggy. I can’t tell if what i’m feeling is real or in my mind. I constantly worry about if i truly love him or not because it’s like there’s a block on my emotions & i can’t feel as deeply between us. A part of me is saying “if you didn’t love him this wouldn’t bother you” but another part is saying “no you don’t love him, you need to end it”. It’s driving me crazy because i know how crazy about him i am when all of this stuff isn’t going through my mind. What do I do? When will I get better?

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