Can I Be A Mum?

well i have had it for over 20 years and managed to bring up 2 kids Its not been easy and at times ive felt so guilty. But at least you are going into it with your eyes open, you know the score You can make allowances and with other peoples help stil be a good mum. I never had that option, mine started due to complications in child birth and sadly wasent diagnosed until last year, so i suffered on for almost 20 years not knowing was happening to me which made things 10 times worse than they should have been.  With the right attitude..anything is possible x

Hi helen, iv had m e for 14 yrs, & got left with 3 children,so i couldnt let them down & it has been a massive long struggle & i had to try & work to keep a home together, i never really had any help as i refused to be beaten or give into at the tym what i thought was just me being a workaolic & lover of life, plus always kept telling myself theres others worse off,, would i do it all again,, yes in a heartbeat  Because its so rewarding,, but i wouldnt fight it, through experience i now pace & organise things so differently, plez listen to your body & explain to any family or loved ones wot its doing to you & how it affects you, then have to do lists,& do wot u can wen u can, preperation & organisation are the key,,& remember theres mums out there that are blind, phsically disabled, wheelchair bound etc, & thy all manage,, keep posative but do only wot u can,, kids need tym n love n cuddles,& if thy get tht lying nxt to u on the sofa watching a disney film thyl feel all that,, my boys are glad as thier dad i did wot i did for them but had they known how weak i was thy wudav loved to have helped me more, id say to anyone give ya kids a chance to help n understand,& as a team u can achieve anything,, gud luk,, 

It is a difficult one and you are right to think about it and ask others who are / have been in the same position.  One of the key things is how bad are your syptoms now?  My pregnancies made my symptoms worse and that is the same for some others.  Therefore could you cope / have you got the family support to help with the care of a child if you get worse than you are now?

When you have children you do make friends you don't have now.  They could be the type of friends who can help with the transporting for your child/children to clubs.  I would also mention that 2 children are more demanding than 1.  Therefore if you will be needing support alot I would maybe consider only having the one child. Physically it would be easier on you and others if there is one child and home bills would be lower too.

I absolutely adore my children and I'm definately glad I had them.  When I had them my syptoms were definately managable and I just needed average support.  My children are 9 and 6yrs now and I'm alot worse.  I can't cook a meal, I can only walk on a very good day 40metres with reduces to unable to take a single step.  My staircase is my worse enemy and I need alot of support for the kids and myself.  If I was thinking right now to have a child I couldn't ask that of my family.  I wouldn't be able to hold the child and trying to look after them mentally would put them in danger.

My thoughts are that you are not at the physical and mental level I am now.  Children are fantastic but you will need a well behaved child. My children tell me I am the best Mummy in the world even though I am in the physical and mental state I am now.  However, I do have to keep pushing myself to be that mum, it's not easy but it is very rewarding!

Think about your physical and mental abilities now and what if pregnancy makes you worse?  What family support have you got?  Maybe consider just the one child?

Children are fantastic. If you can show them love, physically keep them safe and support them emotionally. Go for it as long as you have the physical support team around you. xx

First of all, good luck with whatever you decide. And people can only go from what they have experienced. 

My experience is that I developed it after having my second child, and if I were to have a baby with my health as it is now I honestly think I should be done for wilful neglect. 

Every day is a battle, and from what I can tell I have a mild case. 

I do a fantastic job and I work hard and I put a lot of effort in, but there are days when I want it all to stop. I have the luxury of having finished my family before this developed, but I know for a fact I wouldn't have wanted to have children if I was this ill beforehand. 

There is support, but nobody wants to feel reliant on support, yes it's nice, but it would also be nicer to know you didn't need it in the first place. 

They want me to do some group sessions in the new year, 2.5hours for six weeks. To learn more about self management. There's not going to be a crèche and I'm not allowed to bring my 2 year old. So that's a new hassle I have to organise. 

I honestly don't want to scare you, I admire you for being so honest, lots of women worry how they'll cope and do it anyway. But I will say this, just because you WILL manage doesn't necessarily mean you will want to. 

My heart goes out to you, I would hate to be in your position. 

Much love. Xxx

I had a friend with ME and they had several kids. So although it will be hard and you will need help, it is possible to cope.

Richard

i deeloped it in my pregnancy just around a year ago.it was horrific i was bed bound and now my baby is 3 months old and im in a wheelchair depend on my hubby to look after baby.you may be fine but just be aware that pregnancy may make you worse.

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to post on this discussion. It certainly has given me a lot to think about.

Hi am not diagnosed yet, but I have 4 beautiful children. I have slowly got worse over the years. I am also visually impaired. I feel you should follow your heart as you know you best. Luck to you and fellow writers 

Just wanted to say thanks for posting this question. My doctors are considering diagnosing me with cfs after having problems since Easter last year but are still eliminating all other possibilities first. I have to say being 31 and in a relationship where we were hoping to have a family in the next few years with the thought of cfs on my mind this was honestly the first question that came to mind... Not only is it fair but is it possible?

I have CFS and one child. I am beyond exhausted. I guess I might have a few answers for you. One would be have you considered adoption? This will not take a toll on your body and many children need adopting. I posed this question first because you asked an ethical question that many of us have considered. Is it "fair"? I still wrestle with this every day and our daughter is nine. I do the best I can. I thought it was my fault I was so exhausted before i had her because doctors couldn't find anything wrong with me. I thought it was because I was about 25 kg overweight. Wrong. there are many things wrong with my health CFS is just the beginning. Two... how much help and/or financial resources do you have? These are tough questions to ask yourself. Do you have family that will really stick around when the going gets tough or does your partner have the earning capacity to pay for the help you will need for the day to day running of your lives so you can care for your children. You should be prepared that there will be days when you simply cannot get out of bed or leave the house. Will you have enough help on those days? Our daughter really struggles because of my illness. I didn't know how sick I was before I had her. I don't regret that she is here but when asked why we don't give her a sibling i inform nosy people that I am very sick and couldn't possibly care for another. That does the trick. And lastly three... be prepared to be mom and only mom for many MANY years to come. You will need to find your identity there because you will not have the energy for anything else but your family. Even when they sleep through the night they still have so many needs. And those needs can seem insurmountable for those of us with CFS. One thing I wish I had was reliable family. If I had reliable family around I think our situation would look much much different. My husband is reliable but when you have a whole bunch of people around you who love your children and are able to help you have a good chance at a happy situation. I wish you all the best in whatever you choose. I really do :-)