Can i get my feelings back?

Hi Kota. Sorry for your loss. When did your feelings go numb for your boyfriend? If your depression has been going on for 2 months I wouldn't worry too much yet. Have you talked to him and explained to him that you are grieving about your grandfather and your dog? My grandfather was an enormous part of my life and when I lost him I was sad and depressed for quit a while but I finally got over the initial part of it. I still miss him but it's been many years now. Please keep us posted as we really care in this group and we do understand. Diane

Dear kota88230

I am experiencing the same towards my children. Everyone in my life including my dearest and nearest seem like strangers it's a horrible feeling and no doubt it's to do with depression everyone experiences different symptoms and some are worst than others but I feel your pain. This year has been horrible for me emotionally and mentally a lot has happened which required me to be strong. I thought I Eva's a string person but an episode of anxiety panic and depression has once again kicked in and cannot handle the simplest things in my daily life.  I can understand the grief you are going through due to your grandpa passing I'm sorry may his soul rest in peace it's very hard on you especially if you were very close like me my grandparents raised me I have haunting thoughts of them passing every minute of the day and I cannot help all the intrusive OCD thoughts that disturb me. I cannot control it now more than ever because I am not working anymore I resigned and the change shift to my life has a huge impact on me depression. I feel like a stranger in this world like I don't belong it's so scary. My son also had an accident which totally rocked my world I now have crippling depression panic and anxiety I don't want to get out of bed or do anything nothing makes me happy I feel hopeless worthless I cannot manage to love myself or care for myself.. it's very sad I know how you feel although my mental health may be worse but still know what the struggle is like. 

Hi Kota,  there is hope you will eventually got those loving feelings back - right now you need support and maybe a boyfriend might be the best person to be there when you need it.  If he has a heart he'll see how broken you are and will allow you to take your time to adjust to not having your granddad there.  Just take it one day at a time and you'll find those feelings of love towards him some day in the future.  Just be kind to yourself.  You will be OK. X

hello kota,

first let me tell you that what you're experiencing is technically not a depression but grief and this is a totally normal reaction for the losses you have faced. the process is very individual and depends on how close you were to the person (animal or even object) you've lost. meaning it can take a long time for you to get over it. but it is important to go through it. are you aware of the 5 stages of grief? (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance).

as a side note i do not really understand why your doctor put you on antidepressants, as i can not see a real indication for it apart from that you may classify for it in terms of the DSM (diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders) for which one could classify almost anyone. do you have a history of depression or is it suspected your symptoms are not related to these two losses?

maybe you could describe a bit more about how your "depression" is like?

concerning your feelings towards your boyfriend i have a question:

- have your feelings started to fade when you started the antidepressant or did it start with the losses?

in moments like yours it can be normal to have disrupted feelings for loved ones as your mind is overwhelmed with grief. there is a similar mechanism when people face a threatening situation in which the fight or flight response is turned on. this is evolutionary and can be explained that your body is setting priorities. in such a fearful situation you can not be bothered with love as you might lose your life so surviving is priority. so this could explain what is happening to you.

anyway, if you're uncertain about your feelings yet your mind says you don't want to lose him then you probably really don't want to break up with him. i  know these situations can be difficult and we expect to feel emotions towards the people we care but to be realistic this is not naturally a good thing. i mean it is ok to love someone but to make the choice to be with someone because one knows why this person is good for us is more important than feelings as they are not permanent and sometimes can change rapidly and also mislead us. they can be used as an indicator but should never be the reason we make our choices.

to conclude:

if your feelings went away because you started to take the antidepressants, then it is to expect they will come back when you wean off the drugs.

if your feeling went away or are blocked because of your griefing then it is also likely they'll come back once you completed to process.

yet it is also possible that they do not come back. in this case you may ask yourself what you really love about your boyfriend and if it really the right decision to stay with him or whether you might just be afraid of being alone and thus try to hold on.

kind regards,

d