Can never fall asleep due to negative thoughts

Hi lawdawg,

For that negative thinking best thing I ever did was a series of liver cleanses.

After 3 of them clear head and no hatred of the ex lol. And believe me most people who know the story think I should. I feel sorry for him these days.

I felt great health wise, slept better (until menopause caused further sleep problems) but the biggest effect was a cool calm head space.

You have a lot on your mind, it must be really hard on you because you have grudges and so much anger bottled up. Forgiveness would be a good starting point for you. Sounds easier then it is. I hold grudges you know some people just do wicked selfish stuff and they sleep like a baby. I am realizing forgiveness is not about being ok what someone did to you, or caused. It is about forgiving to heal. Forgiving yourself for falling prey to it. Forgiving yourself for being manipulated by it. Forgiving yourself for believing in it. It happens. Maybe you are a really moral person, a loving soul who would never treat another person the way you have been treated. And thats beautiful, but we cant control other people or occurrances. We cant. So forigive them for they feel their ways are proper, or they dont care, they arent, but they dont know better. Let it go. Let go of all the anger. Its hurting you way more then any one of them, they dont care. I dont think lost love is true. If they really are meant to be in your life as a love they would be, or theyd return to your life. Soul mates are soul mates. Many times it is a lesson to teach one of you something about yourselves. Revenge would not even work.you know that right, its pointless. Ego satisfying only but useless. Your issues lie with your ego. Being honest. Your ego gets bruised and you get irate or deeply hurt. Love yourself more then that. Someone screwed you over its on them, not you. I really understand you and holding onto all this hurt, pain and anger is killing you, so as a gift to yourself, self respect, self love and for your sanity and health throw your hands in The air and let it go because the only person in all this thats getting hurt is yourself. I once read a story in some book i cant rememebr which one. It was an analogy about a person turning on the stove and placing their hand on the burner. It was burning them, hurting them but they wouldnt remove their hand. There was a doctor begging the, just remove your hand..people cheering on saying remove your hand. But the person just keot their hand on the burner. I doubt i told that right but hopefully you get my point.  Theres another analogy about holding a hot coal to throw at someone..same premise. You get burned and injured way worse then the person who wronged you...Remove your hand from burner. Let yourself heal from whatever wounds have occured. And hopefully over time that will free up a lot of space in your mind and you will sleep again. Saying all that is easy, actually forgiving is up to you. Theres audiobooks in this to help you, therapy if you can find a really smart therapist. You have to release all the anger for yourself, not for anyone else. May you find peace. Good luck. Its worth you.

 

You are immune to diazepam and zolpidem, but over the counter sleeping aids work?? Wow.....

Dude you don't have a sleep problem, it sounds more like anger/anxiety issues. Visit your doctor, explain the problem, answer a few questions and the will medicate you accordingly. Simple

You are able to sleep (albeit a little difficult) and some aids are working for you. I repeat, you do not have a sleep disorder. Be thankful that your condition can be treated. See a doctor asap!

Kind regards,

Lee.

I used to get angry and vengeful like you but learnt over the years that the way to happiness is to define what you have as what you want.  I've also found that forgiveness is so theraputic, I feel released and good about myself, more relaxed and so calm.  I've had diazepam like you and it did help initially but am now happy to be coping without it.  I would go along with what soemone else said which is that this pounds more like anger management than sleep issues, and also agree with another respondant that when you hate soemone or a situatiuon its only yourself that gets hurt.  Do you have any religious faith to fall bak on? that can help too.

I've had a lot of mental health problems over the years (I'm bipolar 2 with anxiety and obsessional thinking) which were probably the root of my anger.  I also think hormones have a lot to answer for

Hope you find an answer to your problems

Lizzie

Im prescribed 20 1mg valium a month, i keep telling my Dr that its too weak but he refuses to increase the dose or quantity.

Im also prescrobed percocet 10/325 which i dont take every day, i take it as needed for pain. I was hurt in a combat type of accident and broke 5 vertebrae in my thoracic in the line of duty.

Honestly the best sleep i get is if i take 2 or 3 of the percocets at one time and get that nice opiate euphoria. Dont worry im not an addict, dont have an addictive personality. Here it is monday night and i havent taken any since saturday. I have leftovers every month and keep stockpiling the extras. Been on them for 3 years and still dont ever use up an entire months worth of my script.

I just cant let things go is my problem, i do think i have anxiety and have since i was a teenager, though i didnt know what it was then, i always thought it was asthma, i didnt even know what anxiety was then.

I also have PTSD, i was preliminarily diagnosed with it but never went back to get diagnosed. I just cant, my career now is a police officer. I cant have ptsd and get a job.

Im fine throughout the day, when im active, watching tv, doing any daily activity.

But when i shut the tv off and it goes quiet in the room, thats when my mind takes off, and there are so many things. I think the biggest problem is i have a memory like an elephant.

The only time I ever slept good and had no anxiety was when i was dating my ex. I loved her so much, her presence was so soothing. Just lying with her soothed me so much. She was my drug, i didnt take anything at all when i was with her. I worked harder, got the best grades in college i ever got. She made me want to be a better person and no one could hurt me, because no matter what i had her. Having her made me the wealthiest most powerful man in the world.

Our breakup was tragic, i didnt sleep for 4 days and had hair go gray overnight. I didnt even know that was possible, for hair to go gray overnight. After 4 days a friend gave me a xanax and i slept for 18 hours.

But the breakup was stupid, we know that now, we really didnt break up. We just kinda took a break, and people who we thought were friends conspired to tear us apart. Guys that wanted her, girls that wanted me. They told lies to her and to me and i didnt believe the bs, but she did. She knows now i was telling the truth, but the damage was done at the time. These people said i said horrible things about her, told me lies about her. All while trying to get into her pants, and some girls into mine. Were both attractive people, and im a successful man with a nice house and vehicles who is respected. These damn people tore us apart and now its too late. 5 years have passed, im 37 and shes 38. She refuses to have children now as she already has one and says she is now too old to do it again. But she knows i want children, and want to get married. She doesnt want that anymore, its too late. So she wont get back with me because she loves me so much she wants me to have kids and have a wife. But she cant give that to me now. She would have then, but not now. Those people took from me the only woman i ever really loved because of jealousy and greed. I mean we really were one of those couples that never fought, laid in bed talking all night with the tv off. Had so many dreams together. But so much damage was done.

Then theres my job, a police officer, everyone hates us now. You cant even eat lunch without being under a microscope. I work in a very dangerous area, ive come close to death many times. But im good at it, im a warrior. Its like my dad said once, if someone is going to try and kill my son, they better be sober, and they better be quick. But like king Leonidas said, a warriors strength can only be as strong as the woman at home who stands behind him. She was my rock, i could come home after near death, or seeing terrible things. She would hold me and run her fingers through my hair and all the tension and pain would melt away. No one else has ever been able to make me feel like that.

People like to say no one needs anyone, but thats not true. I need her, ive always needed her, even before i met her i needed her. But she has found someone else, and so have i. But its like neither of us is truly happy. Shes just stubborn, she doesnt want to deny me my family. I dont want to tie her down to the dedicated relationship she no longer wants. It really is the truth that we love each other so much that we cant be together, and thats sad. We still say to each other, we were meant to be, but we did it wrong.

I am a Christian, i do pray for gods guidance and help. My back hurts me every day and will never be right again, i worry how much longer i will be able to work as a police officer. I do have a lawsuit that 3 years after the wreck the insurance of the car that hit me is still fighting. If i win it will be enough for me to retire, if i lose i get nothing. That also has me so stressed out, im so worried about my future, and my yet to have families future will be if i dont win. I almost cant take the job anymore, its so awful to be a police officer right now. I just want this suit to be over, and hopefully win. So i can move and just find a nice quiet piece of the world to settle down in and start a family.

Theres so much else too, but i need not keep going. 2015 was a horrible year, i lost my sister tragically and unexpectedly, then my grandmother passed and a month after her my grandfather. Where i live and work i have no family anymore. Everyone in my family lives in Texas now which is where I want to move. But i cant afford it if i dont win this settlement, and it may be years before i can move.

This all is just the tip of the iceberg which is my life. Ive gone through so much pain, suffered so much loss in my 37 years that it would take a novel to tell it all. But i still put a smile on every day, i go to work and give to my community. I do my best to treat people well, i buy homeless people food all the time even though I don't make much money. I give and give and i ask for nothing in return. Im happy to help people and risk my life for a stranger. All to be spit upon and looked down on amd verbally abused, physically attacked by so many now. Every day i go to work i wonder if im coming home, and i have to make it home now, i cant have my parents have to bury both of their children.

Im gonna stop now, i could go on like this for hours. But maybe now you see a little more of who i am.