Can't cope

I've been going through allot for a long time. At first the main issue was my daughter having behavioral problems at school. It was highly stressful but we overcome this and she grew out of it. 3 years ago was when everything started going really bad. So many bad things happened in a short space of time. One of my cats passed away and my aunt passed away December 2015. A week after that my mum had a fall and broke her ankle. This resulted in a blood clot travelling to her lung causing 2 heart attacks and a massive stroke in one night. She thankfully survived and came home July 2016. A few months later my beloved dog passed away and 2 weeks later my grandmother passed away. A few weeks after that our last family cat passed away. We didn't think we could take anymore hits, but only 10 months later my grandfather passed away of a broken heart. All huge blows and my family are all currently on antidepressants. I'm not though but i really think i may need to. I have depression and developed very bad anxiety. I've had some pretty bad anxiety attacks. My husband and daughter have always been wonderfully supportive. It's been very hard as my mum has lost use of her right side and we have to care for her. My dad works so my sister and i take it in turns going there and looking after her, cleaning, cooking etc. It takes its toll on me because i have allot further to drive. My sister lives around the corner and live about 15 miles away. I've become a paranoid mess over the past year too, getting stupid things my head like my husband is seeing someone else when he isn't. I've talked to him about it and he reassured me that he has not done any such thing. He encourages me to go to the doctor for some help. Things were ok for a while. We had a holiday in Greece which was lovely and my mood improved. That was until the beginning of October when my husband told me he was going away to Amsterdam for 3 nights for a work conference. I know this is ligit as i have seen the correspondence between him and his boss about it. I have huge fears of being alone and he knows this and found it hard to tell me about it. Yes i flipped out and broke down about it. My husband runs the department that this conference is about so it's important that he go because he needs to learn the new stuff that is being implemented. He, his boss and another young man from the team are going, along with some of the partners of this outside company. I did ask him not to go but he refused. I asked if we could go with him and he said no because no-ones wives or families were going and he was going to be super busy. Amsterdam has the closest executive center which is actually the head office. I have expressed my concerns regarding certain areas of Amsterdam and he has promised and assured me numerous times that he wont visit any such area as he does not like sleaze at all. I believe him. My biggest issue here is being alone without him for a few days. I don't feel secure alone. I know it's not for long and I've gotten use to the idea a bit. I know I'm going to hate it when he's gone but i just have to suck it up for my daughter. She will be with me. Flight's haven't been booked yet but i he thinks it will be an early morning flight on the Sunday. Not sure why it has to be so early. I've also looked it up and told him that there are flights coming back on the Tuesday night (he could be back early evening) but he said he isn't the one booking it so it's not down to him what time they go and come back. I know the people booking would do it with their preference but my husband is not interested in expressing his preference because hes happy to go along with whatever they want. This bothers me. Why am i so messed up?

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