Can't cope

Posted , 5 users are following.

I've been going through allot for a long time. At first the main issue was my daughter having behavioral problems at school. It was highly stressful but we overcome this and she grew out of it. 3 years ago was when everything started going really bad. So many bad things happened in a short space of time. One of my cats passed away and my aunt passed away December 2015. A week after that my mum had a fall and broke her ankle. This resulted in a blood clot travelling to her lung causing 2 heart attacks and a massive stroke in one night. She thankfully survived and came home July 2016. A few months later my beloved dog passed away and 2 weeks later my grandmother passed away. A few weeks after that our last family cat passed away. We didn't think we could take anymore hits, but only 10 months later my grandfather passed away of a broken heart. All huge blows and my family are all currently on antidepressants. I'm not though but i really think i may need to. I have depression and developed very bad anxiety. I've had some pretty bad anxiety attacks. My husband and daughter have always been wonderfully supportive. It's been very hard as my mum has lost use of her right side and we have to care for her. My dad works so my sister and i take it in turns going there and looking after her, cleaning, cooking etc. It takes its toll on me because i have allot further to drive. My sister lives around the corner and live about 15 miles away. I've become a paranoid mess over the past year too, getting stupid things my head like my husband is seeing someone else when he isn't. I've talked to him about it and he reassured me that he has not done any such thing. He encourages me to go to the doctor for some help. Things were ok for a while. We had a holiday in Greece which was lovely and my mood improved. That was until the beginning of October when my husband told me he was going away to Amsterdam for 3 nights for a work conference. I know this is ligit as i have seen the correspondence between him and his boss about it. I have huge fears of being alone and he knows this and found it hard to tell me about it. Yes i flipped out and broke down about it. My husband runs the department that this conference is about so it's important that he go because he needs to learn the new stuff that is being implemented. He, his boss and another young man from the team are going, along with some of the partners of this outside company. I did ask him not to go but he refused. I asked if we could go with him and he said no because no-ones wives or families were going and he was going to be super busy. Amsterdam has the closest executive center which is actually the head office. I have expressed my concerns regarding certain areas of Amsterdam and he has promised and assured me numerous times that he wont visit any such area as he does not like sleaze at all. I believe him. My biggest issue here is being alone without him for a few days. I don't feel secure alone. I know it's not for long and I've gotten use to the idea a bit. I know I'm going to hate it when he's gone but i just have to suck it up for my daughter. She will be with me. Flight's haven't been booked yet but i he thinks it will be an early morning flight on the Sunday. Not sure why it has to be so early. I've also looked it up and told him that there are flights coming back on the Tuesday night (he could be back early evening) but he said he isn't the one booking it so it's not down to him what time they go and come back. I know the people booking would do it with their preference but my husband is not interested in expressing his preference because hes happy to go along with whatever they want. This bothers me. Why am i so messed up?

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10 Replies

  • Posted

    You're going to end up pushing him away if you don't back off of him. He has to travel for work he doesn't have a choice to do this or not you should be very thankful that he has such a great job that helps to support you and your daughter. Why don't you look into seeing if you can hire someone to help you with your daughter a few times a week. You would definitely benefit from seeing a regular psychiatrist do you have one yet? 🤔 Do you have a family doctor who can refer you to one? 🤔 If you don't have a family doctor you can just go to the walk in clinic and ask one of those doctors to refer you to see a psychiatrist

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  • Edited

    Please don't be afraid to take medication, both antidepressant and anxiety medication. It’s very appropriate for someone in your situation; and for you to tough it out when you don’t need to would be a shame.

    Once you’re receiving the help you need from the medication, things like your husband going away on a business trip won't feel like such a crisis for you.

    It sounds like your husband does not like to make waves and that’s why he’s leaving trip arrangements to the others, instead of asking for special consideration.

    You are definitely not messed up. I remember times when I felt just as desperate as you do, and those times happened before I was put on medication. It would be ideal if you could be diagnosed and prescribed for before your husband leaves or while he’s gone. I just think this should be a priority in your life.

    Best of luck to you. You are on a journey just like the rest of us and God knows we don't do it perfectly by any means, and we need all the help we can get !

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    • Posted

      Thank you diane98246. I feel lucky because he and i communicate really well and he is incredibly supportive. I'm terrified of him going away and I've always been terrified of medication but what you said makes sense. I think I will try and get a doctors appointment before he goes. I think I need something to help me cope with this better.

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  • Posted

    Friend, I am so sorry to hear of your troubles.

    If you have not seen a Dr., please see one ASAP. You seem to be overwhelmed with anxiety. I know this is easier said than done, but try to count your blessings.

    You do have a supportive husband and a daughter at home. I am 55 and have been alone my entire adult life. I do not have children. Frequently, I am afraid. My clinical depression overwhelms me, as does my anxiety. I am so desperate for someone to talk with at night. To receive a comforting hug is what I would be grateful to have.

    You have suffered so many losses in such a short period. That is devastatingly hard to overcome. Please pray to our loving Lord Jesus Christ to carry you through this difficult time. I will also pray for your mental health & physical health. Take care.

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    • Posted

      Thank you so much ann40120, your kind words are greatly appreciated and I am so sorry you have been alone for so long. I don't know what i would do without my family. I find it incredibly difficult to function without my husband and even though i know when he goes away in 3 weeks i will be fine. It's just thinking about it overwhelms me and brings on my anxiety. I think I have put off making a doctor appointment for so long due to conflicted opinions of others, but i think i need to listen to my own gut. It's been so hard trying to cope. I just cry pretty much every day. When my husband first told me that he was going away, i didn't sleep that night at all because my heart wouldn't stop racing, then i was physically sick the following morning. Yeah, i definitely need a doctors appointment.

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  • Posted

    i am so sorry you are going through this. i have exactly the same problems with anxiety of husband not being able to leave me. i have depression too. i have not tolerated anti depressants so have been left with diazepam by psychiatrist. most people do tolerate these meds and you should try as they may make life more tolerable. i wish you well

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    • Posted

      Right now I am sitting at my desk at work with a constant feeling of fear and dread which is making me feel sick. That in turn makes me want to cry. I don't want this feeling. I can't cope with this feeling. One thing i missed out in my main post is that I have taken to having a drink or 2 in the evenings which help numb this feeling a bit, but i know alcohol never helps in the long run. I really need to make that appointment but I'm just so apprehensive.

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    • Posted

      Dear JTSW, I know the feelings of dread & fear so well. I go through them now & then. Know those feelings will go away, but its most important you see a Dr..

      The difference it can make, may result in your world going from a scary place to feelings of ease. I know you think you cannot cope, but you can do it. You must! I truly believe in prayer. Look in your Bibles index for scripture about fear, anxiety, & other things like that.

      You know alcohol is a depressant. Please stay away from it. Have a cup of chamomile tea for its calming effects. I have a small bottle of Lavender essential oil. Lavender is also supposed to be calming. I will just sit & hold it beneath my nose & deeply inhale the wonderful scent.

      Please know you are not alone. There are so many of us wanting the best for you. Take care.

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  • Posted

    I got an emergency appointment and saw a doctor yesterday. I broke down and he prescribed me Sertraline. One a day. Took one last night and had a rough night with it. The side effects have hit me and i feel awful. I read that it wears off after a few days but i feel really rough. Has anyone taken these before?

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