Can't do it by myself

Hi DJS,

I am so sorry to hear that things are bad. I don't know if I will be of any help or comfort to you but I will try my best. Firstly I just want to say well done for recognising that something is wrong and having the courage to go to your gp and talk about it, because I know thats very hard. I would advise that you take the fluoxetine that the dr has prescribed you. I know that its very scary talking anti depressants for the first time and reading the side effects can be more off putting bout taking them, but please take them. Side affects are usually only that bad in the first week or two (if you have any) and they are not anything terrible, just a bit annoying really, but before you know it they are gone.

I know that it will be very hard for your partner to maybe acept that you have to take these pills, there are people out there who are against them and will try to talk you out of talking them saying they will do you more harm than good, but believe me not talking them in the hope that this will all go away will be more harmfull, trust me. You maybe will come up against the odd comment of what are u on them for (I know my whole family were against me talking mine and I didn't take them then about a year later I had what I can only describe as a complete breakdown with depression). So please ignore these comments and do what your doctor has told you to do, as depression is due to the drop of seratonine (not how u spell it but spelling has never been a strong point of mine) level in your brain and the anti depressants level it out. Don't get me wrong here, hopefully the dr has explained that they may take a week or two to get into your system and start to make you feel better, but please believe me when I say they do help.

For your job, I would have to also say that talking the anti depressants would benefit you as well. Yes you may well have side effects and tiredness could become an issue (I was pretty tired when I was on that kind, but depression also knocks the energy and stamina out of you so whats worse). I would personally (if it was me) I would be honest with my boss and tell him the truth, I am sure they would respect your honesty and privicy, also I think you would be surprised by the support you hopefully get from him (well I would like to think you would!). I know that you say that for your job that you have to be fit and stuff, but no body has a clean bill of health all of the time and they certainly cannot sack you for having depression, as it is against the law. I do completely understand where you are coming from and hope that none of this reply comes accross as pushy or cheeky, I just feel strongly about helping you because I know how hard it was for me the first time and I wish I had a site like this bak then. I hope I have been of some help or comfort to you, I am sorry if I have not.

Take care of yourself and keep posting here, because it does help and if you take nothing else from it, its even just good to get your feelings out.

p.s did your doctor refer you to a councillor? I would say if they do, then take them up on it. I refused it a few times because I was afraid of what it would be like and embarresed of sharing my feelings in front of a stranger and had thoughts of what would I say to them. But I eventually got the courage and went and yeah a was nervous and a little embarresed at first and was thinking oh no what will they think of me and stuff. But they are lovely people and you take your time and say what you feel like (you would be amazied by the amount of things that come out of your mouth in counciling, maybe not the first time but once you have got comfortable with the idea and feel safe to share, its like a complete load off your mind when you leave) and they don't gudge you or critisise you. Its not for some people but I would say maybe if you feel up to it, give it a try because it could help.

Thank you for your reply. It was helpful - just to feel that someone is listening. In a way I feel better today. In a way admitting that I can't do it by myself anymore has been helpful except that now I feel like a fraud - I can't be that bad if I am feeling better and surely am not bad enough to need pills. I did take another one today though as I guess the doctor knows best. With what you said about work I know they can't sack me for being sick but I am only on a short contract at the moment (I have another 2 years to go) but I was recently offered an extension to a permanent contract. However I have to have a clean bill of health from the doctor before it can be signed. I had a month to sign it but had to have the time extended as I had a leg injury and now I don't know when I will be able to sign it and whether they will allow me more time or withdraw the offer. However at the moment I dread going into work and spend my day clock watching anyway so I am starting to wonder if I am doing the right thing anyway. I think that I will have to tell my boss because my work has been suffering recently because I have been really unmotivated and just couldn't pull myself together and get stuff done so if I tell him he'll know that I'm maybe not as rubbish as I seem.

As for being referred to a counciller - I've been referred to someone at work by the doctor but I've no idea who they are as I wasn't completely with it at my doctors appointment on Monday. The doctor did say that she would call me on Friday so I guess that I'll have to try to remember to ask her then. I'm not sure how good I would be at talking to anyone but I guess I'm going to have to try if I want to be me again. Thank you so much for all your help and for 'listening'.

D

Hi DJS,

I am so glad to hear that u are going to continue with ur anti depressants, they take a wee bit of time to kick in but they do help. Please don't worry bout this feeling that u are a fraud and not that bad, as with this illness u can have good days and bad days so please don't feel guilty about that. Plus look at it this way, the dr would never have given you these tablets if they didn't recognise your simptoms of depression, so theres no way your a fraud but I know where u are coming from with that and what you mean. I think that maybe the fact that u are feeling a little better may be due to the fact that you feel that u can vent your conserns on here and that people understand what our going through, I am only saying that cause I know thats how I felt, but i could be wrong. Please continue on with your tablets and don't make the mistake I have done all too often of coming off them when I feel better (not advising the doctor), cause I feel great. Then 3 or 4 months go by and I am bak to square one and feeling rubbishy again. So please take these tablets until the docotor tells you to stop and now before.

I think that you are doing the right thing by telling your boss bout your health and your conserns for your contract renewal as well. I think it will hopefully lighten your load and hopefully be one less thing to prey on your mind or worry bout. I noticed that you said that you dread going to work at the moment, have you thought about taking some time off, going to the doctor for a sick line? I know its maybe not the ideal solition for some people and I know that you are already worried about your job and the position that you are in but I would maybe think about it. It doesn't have to be a long term absence, it could be until your tablets have started to take effect but I think yu might benefit from it. I also want to say well done for acceping the councilling, it can be a bit scary or embarrising your first time cause you don't know what to expect but it can make you feel a whole lot lighter and it really helps to know that someone is listeing to you and understands. Anyway a kind of feel like a have been giving you a lecture here so a am going to go. I am not trying to push any of these things on you as obviously you do what feels right for you, just wanted to try and give you a wee bit of advise and let you know am here for a rant if u need to talk. Take care