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Can't get rid of these feelings

Posted , 5 users are following.

emma69318
emma69318

Hi! I'm very unhappy. I don't know if this is some kind of anxiety/depression or maybe psychosis... I often feel like some group of people are against me (usually people I like or people I want to be friend with) and that they have great reason to not like me/hate me. I ususally get ''paranoid'' and feel like even my best friend hides something but often I fast got over that and forgot about that ... but it's getting more and more often. Every day, another person ''has something against me''. And I feel like everyone knows that one thing about me that is enough to hate me Last week I was crying every day for hours and hours. And simply can't stop. I'm feeling extremly guilty for even searching something on google or for reading some blogs that wouldn't everyone. I'm feeling like my thoughts and mind are very wrong. I know that everyone have their good and bad thoughts and that is normal, but I feel like I'm very wrong person and deserves all this... I haven't hurt anyone in ''real life'' and nobody has ever told me that they hate me or that I'm wrong but I feel that they hide something all the time and that my life is a pure joke.  I feel disgusted by myself and sometimes feel suicidal. I'm feeling guilt and shame all the time. I feel like I hurt people! But I know I didn't... but my mind maybe play tricks with me? I'm feeling more and more sad and the one of the worst things for me is that my family is very upset about me. They can't watching me crying every day it hurts you know. But I just can't help myself anymore. I even sometimes scream so loud like I want to run away from myself. It's not fair for my family. I'm feeling like this for years but now it's worse and worse. I'm not on any medication. Thank you for any answer!

1 like, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • anon85986
    anon85986 emma69318

    Posted

    Hi Emma,

    please go to a doctor immediately. Your brain is just playing tricks on you. You must see how you feel after meds. It should turn things around. Also, therapy.  We are here to listen

    • emma69318
      emma69318 anon85986

      Posted

      Thank you, I have been at the begginning of the year and I was put on Sertraline, I was a little better, not so much. But it seems like even dr didnt understand at all.
  • Katyf
    Katyf emma69318

    Posted

    It definitely sounds like depression you poor thing,you do need to see a doctor it's the first step,you will get the help you need,even though these feelings your having are a nightmare for you it's normal because of your mind state at the moment please go and get help,also coming on here has been a great support to me over the last month take care x

    • emma69318
      emma69318 Katyf

      Posted

      Thank you. I was on Sertraline but it worked a little bit, not much. I hope I will get right help now
  • hypercat
    hypercat emma69318

    Posted

    Hi i agree go to the doctor and tëll them exactly how you feel including your paranoia feelings.  Ask for counselling.  x

  • wayne1962
    wayne1962 emma69318

    Posted

    Hi Emma - so sorry to read of your situation. First, you must not feel guilty searching for answers, whether on the web or anywhere else. Second, your illness - which sounds like an anxiety disorder and depression - is creating the negative self-talk.

    You state you have been on Setraline which helped a little and you also state that the doctor didn't understand you. It would be advisable to find another doctor, someone you are comfortable with and who responds to your concerns. As for the meds, well there are many types of meds and it can be a bit of a hit-and-miss affair in finding the right one. Don't give up on that, as it's important that you achieve some balance in your thinking and mood. In conjunction with meds, you should ask for a referral to a counsellor/psychologist who, again, you should be comfortable with. You will need to be open and honest with that person who will help you dig out any underlying factors causing your depression, teach you to recognise triggers and implement coping skills. 

    It's a process - it won't happen overnight. It's also a journey of self discovery and you will find yourself getting stronger and stronger, more certain about yourself and things/events around you, blooming into a confident young woman - and a survivor. 

    Don't delay, find that doctor today. You will feel better as you take action, and we are always here if you need to talk.

    • emma69318
      emma69318 wayne1962

      Posted

      Thank you so much! Im looking for another dr or psychologisr and I hope i wil find one i feel comfortable with soon! And I dont feel guilty for searching for help on web, but for looking at some random stuff, but i dont want to! Thanks again!💕

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