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In late July I was given a bowel prep laxative to ease a week or so long bout of constipation. I can't type its name out because the day I used it was probably the worst day of my entire life.
I did everything the doctor told me to, I took the right dosage at the right times and everything. But for some godforsaken reason, the prep took nine hours when it should have taken three to four. It was horrible and awful, and by the end of it I legitimately wanted to die and all I could do to feel better was crawl in bed with my mom and cry. It was easily the worst experience of my life and I vowed never to do it again.
But, I can't keep that vow. Now four months later, I've visited a GI for digestive problems and he's signed me up for an endoscopy and colonoscopy in the beginning of December. The endoscopy I can handle fairly well, but when I heard colonoscopy, I started having a panic attack. I was so mortified at the idea of undergoing the prep again, I couldn't form words for the rest of the visit and couldn't bring myself to hold the pen and sign the treatment consent papers. I cried that night and while I feel less terrified now, I'm certainly not prepared to do it again.
My question is, is there a way that I can get rid of this terrible anxiety whenever I think about undergoing the prep again? I want to do it in a hospital environment this time, because recently I've become terrified of perforation, but I'm not sure if there's a place I can do that at. I'm just so tired, physically and mentally, from all this worrying and I don't know what I'm going to do when the day of my procedures comes up.
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