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Can't sleep, my anxiety is really bad tonight.

Posted , 5 users are following.

bella72575
bella72575

My anxiety is making it difficult for me to sleep. I'm crying and all alone with nobody to talk to. My anxiety did this to me, I think everyone hates me and I somehow always find myself alone. I only have my family and any friend I ever have is short term. I don't know what I am doing wrong to them. I'm 27 and I'm a failure in life. I should be married and have children or if not have friends. All I have is my parents and a masters degree in history. The reason for this latest meltdown is that they hate me at work. I know they do and I don't know what to do to make it better. I offer to make drinks they won't accept it then go make a drink 10 minutes later. Nasty comments about me living with my parents and being single. I don't want to face another day of not being good enough for anyone else. I have really bad acne at the moment and I am taking antibiotics for it but it's not helping yet. Having bad skin kills my confidence. I'm sorry it's all rambling but I got to get these thoughts out of my head.

0 likes, 6 replies

6 Replies

  • jordan53604
    jordan53604 bella72575

    Posted

    im sorry to hear how you feel bella, you sound to me perfectly fine and a good person with a big heart. to bad that people at your work dont appriciate it and sound like they are selfish. i know older people then you that had to live with their parents in tough times at life, there is no math here and it truly doesnt say anything on any person, im older then you and im single if it makes you feel better. you should look on the side of the coin, your single becasue you havent found the right person for you yet, you could have been married today with 3 kids and live a nightmare with a person you dont love or abusive or a cheater. dont think that everyone whos married with kids has a pink life, it far far from that in alot of cases. acne is something you can deal with medicine and if one doesnt help go to proffesional and he will change the medication untill you find the one that will help you. i know as my brother had serious acne in his teens and had changed several medicines untill he found the one that helped, and dont forget it takes time and need patience. dont let anyone get you down and if people at your job are pricks and have zero inteligent emotions so you can always look for another place to work at, you dont have to suffer this behavior. i hope you will feel better and keep your confidence up, dont let anyone tell you otherwise. you have your qualities i know that!
    • bella72575
      bella72575 jordan53604

      Posted

      It's just one person who always has something nasty to say, and anything I think or suggest is wrong to her! For example my Mum has breast cancer and was having an operation and I naturally was concerned for her, she told me I should be pleased my Mum is having the operation as she will make friends in hospital! Who even says that? It's so irritating and I know that at least I'm a nice person but it still gets to me after 5 days of it. Another colleague is fine with me when she isn't there but ends up going in with some nasty remark as if to try and keep on side with her. I am studying to towards professional exams and I need to stick this out a year or two more till I qualify then I can go anywhere I like. I will also be more qualified than her too! My Dad owns the business so I'd have support if I reported her.

      I have some antibiotics for the acne I pray it starts working because when that clears up I might feel more like myself.

      Thank you for your comments it makes me feel less like there is something wrong with me!

  • jojo44
    jojo44 bella72575

    Posted

    That's really tough. what's your job? I thought there were such strict rules about bullying st work these days that people just didn't do things like that any more? (That's very naive of me I suppose!)

    It's so hard , when you have anxiety, to tell 'truth' from 'false' in your own head. Could you only think that they all hate you? Or could it be just one or two horrid people make you feel like everyone does? (When I have PMS, I'm fat, ugly, no friends, everyone's talking about me, I'm lonely...)

    Chemicals, horemomes etc are very powerful. They can totally change the way you view the world. Are you on medication? Could you change jobs? (Very easy to say!) can you report these bullies to a manager? (Very hard to actually do, I realise that!). Living at home is so common here in the U.K. As house prices are so high. That's certainly nothing to be afraid of!

    Bless you. Hugs

    • anxious_lady
      anxious_lady jojo44

      Posted

      I was bullied at work after I'd been off having cancer op -- I was quite happy doing my work til change of manager -- I was taken away from where I performed well and given heavy duty admin which I'm really slow at!! Anxiety was so bad I just went in one day when I was falling apart and resigned with no other job!! Two other colleagues left for same reason but nothing was done. I don't regret leaving as I thought I'd have a complete breakdown in front of everyone if I stayed. When I get anxious I just can't do anything. Im looking for a job now a year later but sometimes so anxious! 

    • bella72575
      bella72575 jojo44

      Posted

      I have to agree that hormones can make me see things that aren't there but with this girl there is definitely a problem. She can't say anything nice at all! I could report her to the boss as he is my Dad but I am fairly new here and don't want to look like a tell tale and mess things up with other colleagues who are ok at this stage.

      I'm on antibiotics for the acne which isn't yet working... maybe have to go back! And I've been saving for a deposit for 3 years it's that difficult in the UK!

  • lisalisa67
    lisalisa67 bella72575

    Posted

    You know what screw them all who judge you! Who are they anyway? They arent better then you..they arent. You just be you and be grateful and content you have a loving family and yourself! Marriage doesnt mean all is well bella. It means your married and then have another person to worry about. Its not tv. Its not all sunshine and loveliness. When you figure out you and love yourself you will then be able to seek out a life partner. How in the world can you love another and you dont even love yourself. Think about that. It would drain you,

    You  are no failure. You are a well educated person with employment. Thats no even close to a failure. Anxiety screws up a lot of social situations. Its hard to be steady or stable sometimes. Cant even fake it the way some can. So you cant concern yourself with friendships. You can always make a friend. You need to do you right now.

    do yourself a big favor  stop existing and start living, learn all you can about anxiety/depression get a workbook on it and start working on yourself.

    do you have pcos? The acne is it pcos? A gyn can test you. That tends to be behind bad acne.

    your existence is a personal journey for your soul. Its not for these other people. Accept that as a reality. Some people enjoy gossip and like to be cruel it makes them feel good oddly. Clearly they dont feel good for no happy person would behave like that. So you live with your parents. You love your parent. Who cares.youre saving money ...last laugh is on them,

    just do your job and be as kind as you know how and concern yourself with you.you are good enough  to those that matter. You need to be good enough to yourself.

    if you are not in therapy you need to get into it. You have very low esteem and tend to basically abuse yourself. Your own worst enemy really. Thats unfair on every level. So hopefully you can turn that around.

    There  really is no point to what anyone else says about you. To be honest its really none  of your buisness. Think about that.

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