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Can't stop crying

Posted , 11 users are following.

fee25
fee25

I know I've posted quite a lot recently but, everything is just so hard at the moment. 

The only thought that calms me is the thought that I could end it all. Every problem would wash away and it can't be any worse than the misery that is life. 

I'm sorry to keep posting and going on. 

I really hope you are all doing well. 

Fee

1 like, 31 replies

31 Replies

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  • absjbs
    absjbs fee25

    Posted

    Hi Fee

    I've just posted because I am in a similar boat at the minute. I just can't stop crying and I feel I can't go out in public because I've had a few near meltdowns the last couple of days whilst I was out of the house.

    It really is horrible and I have also thought about ending it because I'm feeling really hopeless at the minute. The only thing to think is that I've pulled through this before so I can again. And so can you.

    Hugs to you

    Abs xx

    • fee25
      fee25 absjbs

      Posted

      Really sorry to hear you are experiencing the same feeling sad I woke up today and my eyes were swollen from crying so much. It's horrible. 

      If you have pulled through this before you certainly can pull through again. 

      Good luck, I hope you start to feel better soon - take care of yourself! 

      Fee xx

  • carole28488
    carole28488 fee25

    Posted

    Fee:  I urge you to not give up on yourself, and never apologize for your depression.  Anxiety and depression are illnesses, just like diabetes or any other disease.  When you are depressed, it generally means that your seratonin levels are off balance.  There are hundreds of different kinds of seratonin uplifters out there, if you just choose the right doctor, he/she will keep trying until they hit on the right ones together.  When I was 32 yrs. old, I was married with two little girls.  I had a complete melt down and thought about jumping out in front of a Mac truck and end it all.  Now, I'm 67 years old, and I have two lovely grandsons.  Taking your own life is like a permanent ending to a temporary problem...Please message me if you need to chat...I still suffer off and on with depression, but the key is to remember in the back of your brain that it will eventually clear up and you can be whole again..God bless, sweetie...keep the faith...
    • fee25
      fee25 carole28488

      Posted

      You are very right and before this I always used to think to myself that it was surely better to be alive and fighting with the small chance of things getting better than ending it all. 

      I suppose it feels slightly more pessimistic in this present mindset in that I just don't really care about getting better at the moment, so why put the inevitible off? 

      I won't be doing anything dangerous right now, I will keep trying for now. 

      Thank you for your lovely message <3 xxx>

  • fee25
    fee25

    Posted

    Thank you all for your lovely messages, I hoped to wake up this morning feeling slightly better but no such luck, if anything things feel worse. 

    I'm seeing my GP next week so talking to her should give me an outlet and some help, I don't know what the outcome will be after that or if I will feel the same. 

    I've only felt depressed for the last year, I can't even begin to imagine how anyone copes with it for years on end - I feel like enough is enough already when in reality I'm only early on. 

  • elizabeth20203
    elizabeth20203 fee25

    Posted

    Hello Fee, In life there is hope. Death is final and there is no turning back. Everybodies depression is different. Feelings of hopelessness and no joy in life are feelings we suffer.

    I don't want to dissmiss or underestimate your depression but Ozzie has shown great courage in his situation. He is homeless, very ill and still finds the compassion to answer other peoples posts. I have started a thread on this forum for people interested in Ozzies's welfare. This guy took a masive overdose and is still thinking of others.

    Have you had any counselling for your depression to explore and express your feelings. This is non judgemental and confidential.

    Life is not easy, i live with depression, anxiety and chronic pain which effects my every waking moment and limits my life. I try to make the most of what i can.

    Wea are here for you anytime you want to talk.

    Best wishes.

    Elizabeth.

    • fee25
      fee25 elizabeth20203

      Posted

      I am very aware that there are literally millions of people who are in far worse states than myself and I know I am so so lucky compared to the majority of people, I don't think the way I do because I'm not appreciative or empathetic towards the fact that others are suffering yet still strong - that's brilliant, as is your own compassion and help for Ozzie.
    • patricia44773
      patricia44773 fee25

      Posted

      Comparisons to other people are useless and inappropriate when it comes to this terrible illness.  Depression is a very personal experience.  It doesn't matter how rich, how beautiful, how clever you are....depression does not discriminate...it hits anyone.

      Fee, if you decide to give life a chance, maybe you will one day be able to help someone else going through what you are....wouldn't that be wonderful?  When I was in the terrible place that you are in I would have screamed at anyone who said things would get better.. to me they were stupid, they knew nothing, they had never suffered as I was suffering.  But I can look back now and see that they were right.  I have never been free from depression and I am terrified of something taking me back to that blackest of places, but I am living and have found a reason to live every day.

      Don't feel guilty for sounding self-absorbed....that is one of the main symptoms of the illness, that demon in your head won't let you think of anything else apart from your misery.

      I wish I could wave a wand and make you better, but I can't.....I just hope you will read all the helpful posts and see that we have come through something similar to you.....maybe not as bad....but we got through.

      Take care, remember that you are a special, special person.

      Pat.

    • fee25
      fee25 patricia44773

      Posted

      Thank you Patricia, your post has really moved me. 

      I would feel absolutely privileged to one day help somebody who finds themselves in a dark and depressed state and I do think people suffering find it that bit easier talking to people who have been through the same dark times. 

      I know I post a lot on here or have recently, it is only because I have lost the one person I could speak to. I have always put others first, my entire life - it was the way I was brought up but, if there was ever a time to think about my own self more then yes, this is the time. 

      I said the thought of suicide calms me. It does, and that probably stems from the fact that it is something you can control when you cannot control anything else. I am not going to do anything dangerous - I wouldn't until I had exhausted all other options and felt as though I was sure I was ready.

      Life is indeed very precious. 

      I am really glad you are feeling as though you are in a more positive place and I pray that you never do go back to that dark, dark place. 

      Fee xxx

    • patricia44773
      patricia44773 fee25

      Posted

      I could tell that you were the sort of person to put others first....I could feel that in the things you said, and I could also see that it was alien to you to put your own troubles first.

      That is why you must stay here Fee, the world needs people like you, don't you see that?  There are so many uncaring people, I beg you not to let those people take over the world.  I know it hurts to live right now, but I promise you it won't always be that way....I PROMISE.

      We walk a fine line when we are blighted with this illness, it sounds so stupid to say...but in a way that you can't possibly see now (and maybe you never will) it is a blessing.  It can teach you so much, it can make you more compassionate, it can stand you apart from the run of the mill person, it can and does make you "special".

      I said it in my last post....you ARE special.  Don't waste that.  You were made special for a purpose.

      Take care my lovely friend and keep posting.

      Pat xxxx

    • fee25
      fee25 patricia44773

      Posted

      Thank you Patricia, you are incredibly kind hearted and it is very encouraging to see somebody who was in the depths of depression come out the other end and fight for the wellbeing of others. You are very inspirational. 

      I never thought of it that way, when I did seek anything 'good' I found nothing but it does bring a deeper understanding of these issues, an understanding a lot of people may never know. 

      Thank you Pat smile 

      xxxxx

  • Sage107
    Sage107 fee25

    Posted

    You seem like nice person and because of that I am positive that others would miss you if you were gone. Think of how much it would affect their lives. If you end it all it will not only affect you, but change everyone elses too. If you need to talk to someone you can talk to me or others here.
    • fee25
      fee25 Sage107

      Posted

      Thank you Sage that's really sweet of you to say. 

      There may be one or two who would miss me but, time is a great healer and I'm sure they'd be fine. 

      But, I am not planning on doing anything silly or dangerous at the moment so, it's all ok for now!

    • paul67642
      paul67642 fee25

      Posted

      dont do any think like that you will be ok i will talk to you
    • Sage107
      Sage107 fee25

      Posted

      I'm glad to hear that. Time heals all wounds, but it still leaves scars. Also, since time heals all wounds it should heal you through this, but still leave small residual feelings.
    • fee25
      fee25 Sage107

      Posted

      You're right, it does indeed. And perhaps it would heal me through this, only problem being the state of mind you're in when you feel suicidal is very present - I think for me personally, if I was looking at it from a "therapisty" point of view is that suicide brings control - and a very important sense of control, something that I have not had in trauma's from the past so, it's a way to regain the "power" if you will. Or that's a part of it anyway. 

      But I'm no therapist, I could be talking rubbish :P 

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