Cardiophobia / health anxiety

Hi

2 months ago I experienced my first panic attack after laying in bed watching a video when I suddenly felt this.... well nothingness that made it hard to breathe for a second, I jumped up and opened the window and laid in bed legs trembling and went to sleep. At the start of December I noticed my heart rate would go up to 120 just from standing or sitting up. I then felt really weak and anxious about problem with my heart. Later that night I felt pending fear coming on so I went to my lounge in hope it would calm me down and prevent it. But it still came and from 11pm to 3am I was sat there trying to calm down, trying different breathing techniques and wiring positions. It eventually calmed down after laying down for awhile. Next day I went to er and had a ecg, xray and a blood test and everything came back fine. I then spent a week sat there hardly eating or moving as it would make me feel tight and exhausted, constantly checking my pulse and googling different possibilities. After that week which consisted of 5 or 6 panic attacks and 2 er visits and no explanation I eventually started to feel better, eating more and actually being able to focus on other stuff I enjoy without having these thoughts clouding my mind. I continued to get better occasionally feeling more panic attacks coming on but I managed to control them and block them out. But I would still get breathless after eating a big meal and still had this heart rate. I thought I was getting better, booked an appointment with my doctor to talk about my heart rate and then boom the panic attacks resumed. Sending me back to feeling like sh*t everyday and hardly eating anything. Even more googling and seeing things people have experienced and missed conditions in er made me reinforce my thought that there was something wrong. I then tried to go to the toilet and normally I could strain some what and get it out but now I am too scared to even try with all the cardiac arrests and heart attacks caused that way. I am 20 and know i should be safe from heart disease but I have done hardly any exercise since the first lockdown 2 years ago and have pretty much sat doing nothing, I've also always been a fussy eater because most of the healthy foods I try had hate the taste or even the texture of certain foods stops me eating it. So these two things combined i convinced myself that it's probably quite likely I have some form of heart disease. Even at 20. I also had a cough for the last 3 or 4 months which has gotten a lot worse and dryer in the last 2 days. I was sat with my parents and felt like my time was coming to an imminent end back On Google I go. Then I felt tightness in my waist which sent me into another panic attack but this time I was sure I dying. Which is silly because heart attacks cause pain in the chest and arms mainly. Bit once I feel that one bit of tightness I instantly go into panic mode and begged my parents to call paramedics. They were reluctant to as they have been saying there is nothing wrong with my heart and its all anxiety. They eventually gave in and I was tested on the spot and nothing wrong again. I always understood afterwards that these are panic attacks but that never stopped me thinking there isn't something wrong with my heart and I'm not at risk of dying due to it. The doctor I saw and paramedics also said it was all anxiety which is hard hear as I always feel i'm not being listened to and they don't understand. But maybe they do, maybe I am just now understanding myself after finding out about cardiophobia today and seeing people experiencing the same stuff as me. I am still concerned about the heart rate and anxiety on the toilet but I'm going to try and get past this. This morning my dad made me go out for a For an hour and although I was so out of breath the whole time and fearing exercising with my fast heart rate would make that impossible and make stuff worse. I have already felt mentally better and physically less lazy and scared to stand up. Could my fast heart rate be down to my poor fitness and diet? I assume that would also raise my resting heart rate when laying down and not panicking but that is around 56-65 In the evening. So i am slightly concerned that getting fitter will then lower that and cause me even more anxiety. A lot of these panic attacks start from half a second of tightness which I believe come from my clothes. I haven't seen anyone else experiencing this but I have for some reason become very sensitive to pretty much anything touching my chest. I normally wear quite loose tshirst. At least after I have ripped the neck open a bit more but feelings that there is something wrong with my heart and then these clothes just rubbing my chest making a tight feeling just sends me into a panic attack. Even though I know my clothing causes the tight feelings my instant reaction to the feeling is just to panic and struggle to control it. Just walking around they give me so much anxiety. I just stay topless most of the time now. I'm trying now purposely wearing a tight tshirt as maybe always having that feeling of tightness and knowing whats causing it and it doesn't just suddenly come out of nowhere will help. I've also become very sensitive to sound. Everything I hear in the house that comes out of nowhere makes me jump. Hopefully exercise and better dieting will make me better and get me out this cycle.

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