Cervical Spondylosis ruminations

Hi Gerry, you've really been in thinking mode! Interesting though, about the 'comfort zones'. I think we are all guilty (probably not the right word) of taking the 'safe' way of not doing anything to upset our cs some of the time. I suppose it depends on what it is that you want or need to do and how bad the consequences are going to be. Personally, I like to exercise, I have had problems with cs for years but it was only diagnosed a couple of years ago after an accident which made it much worse. Now I try to exercise as much as I can. When the cs is good or I should say not too bad, I think well, I'll try a different type of class or I will do a more challenging walk or even jog! Some days it's ok (ish)but other times it will set off everything off. So, it's all about balancing things I suppose, or taking the risk of doing something you want to do and hang the consequences.

I do not work now, apart from helping my husband (a builder) with paperwork etc, so I can organise my days pretty much as I wish. So sometimes I can have a pander day, but of course that doesn't get the housework and at the moment the gardening (we have a huge garden)done. Also giant boy (6'5 rugby player type) my son I mean, will be back from Uni this weekend, so food shopping - cooking, food shopping - cooking, food shopping - cooking. As you say its all a balancing act.

Regarding 'gettos' the more you talk to people, even people you think you know quite well, the more you find that they too have there own personal getto. As we get older I think lots of us have health problems of all sorts that we have to 'manage'. So all manor of gettos!

Well I have added my thoughts for what its worth. Off to get my heated bean bag to put on my neck now and take my paracetamol.....that's what you get for going to a curcuit class!!! But there we are, can't give in, not yet anyway.

Aitch X

Hi HC

Good to know I'm not just posting to myself. Takes the nuttyness out of it. A couple of things you mention I'd like to comment on...... and by the way, you seem to have a good balanced overview of things, and you seem to have found ways to marry your c/s condition with youer lifestyle without too many concessions or upsets.Firstly....Giant Boy ! Wouldn't a can of cold baked beans over some mouldy bread achieve the same results. After all, that's probably what he's used to at Uni, so it would make him feel more at home ! Just kidding, of course.

The other thing is, you mention the exercise classes and how they can have various reactions afterwards. THis is interesting in that, if it was possible to determine which movements caused which reactions (even if it's a few days later ) it would help in building a list of Don't Do's for future reference. For instance, I know not to use my arms overhead, not to even look overhead, not to turn my head to the rear ( as in car reversing ), not to reach behind when seated ( as in getting something from back seat in car ), not to lift heavy weights, not to sleep in a draught etc. etc. All these things come with inevitable reactions and the more I control them, the more managable the whole c/s becomes. We don't always get good specific advice in these areas, so a little self-assessment can go a long way. I believe there are trigger movements that only we can assess and learn to avoid through trial and error. I know it can be difficult to start re-assessing when the actual reactions / pains kick in . So, I would suggest setting oneself up mentally, before any initial movement, with the intention of evaluating any possible reactions. Make sense ?

Don't like to leave any posting without some mention of aches / pains so. Some of you out there might remember my previous references to Thursdays as my bad days. Breaking News : it's now Wednesdays. Seems to have shifted gradually over 2/3 weeks . Still monitoring for any significance, although I feel I might get better results from studying the hair on the palms of my hands !!

Gerry

Hi Gerry

Ha, will try the cold beans and mouldy bread, won't be quite the roast dinner he always looks forward to!

Thank you for your comment of my having a balanced overview of things, sometimes I lose the plot but I try to work on one thing at a time. I also have bronchiectasis and I think that some of the aches and tiredness is also due to that. This is why I have to exercise, to keep my lungs clear. So the balancing act is exercising for the lungs but not upsetting the cs. Fortunately aerobic exercise that is best for my lungs doesn't upset the cs as much as upper body exercises. You must find that with your job, all that lifting, stretching etc starts things off. The worst thing for me is to keep my head in one position for too long, particularly down, as in reading a book. I always hold it up to eye level.

It is a good idea to evaluate what the reaction will be before embarking on a new thing. A bit like doing a risk assessment!

It's strange how the bad days seem to fall on the same day each week, but at least you can have that as a day off and plan for it, and when it's over hopefully the other days will be better.

Hmm must check the palms of my hands too, maybe a solution there!

Aitch

Hi HC'

I've been advised never to post after a couple of pints of Guinness, so I will. Enjoyed that and will reflect and post anon.

Gerry

What is it with that bloody volcano. Don't they have bulldozers in Iceland.Just plug it mate !

Hi HC,

Sober now. Ta for response. Have to say that, yes , the looking down thing, reading books etc. is a problem for me too. Even on the tube, I can't maintain a 'not interested' posture for long....must inevitably raise head to eye-level to ease neck tension. Sometimes difficult to look pleasantly distracted when doing this ! Also, you're right about work duties, I've learned to be very careful....always get someone in to do ceilings etc. But there's always a way. My brother suggested a paint roller with a mirror attached, so I don't have to look upwards...maybe ! Still in the design stages.

I read about your lung problem, on some other posting, and, well, doesn't help, does it. Double whammy. I don't really know enough about it to comment purposefully. I should say something about my postings....I don't always follow them thru' , or the responses, to logical conclusions. I tend towards the stream of conciousness method ( James Joyce actually went to the same school...true ), but when all is done on any topic, I usually read through again and try and spot the relevant links, besides having a laugh at the humourous diversions.

Gerry

Here's another disassociated rant.

For many years I was under the spell of not coming to terms with this 'mysteriously ignored ' condition. Besides the aches and pains, I always found this aspect worrying and unhelpful in allowing me a good state of mind for any healing or comfort.Now, since I've had a chance to think it through, I can see how the confusions and frustrations were able, in a sense, to feed off any doubts I had, with the effect of upgrading the problem to a multi-level mess.

To explain, I'll try to describe it like there's a war going on. There are two armies opposing. One army is us, the patients. The other is the professionals. Both armies are thrashing it out on the ground, disputing therapies and medications etc. Sometimes it even seems like they're in different fields fighting imaginary foes ! Behind the scenes, the propaganda units are spinning out reassurances to each side that their side is winning, to keep morale up. The professionals, of course, have all their excuses professionally prepared, so, after each battle, win or lose, they just wipe the slate clean and start again.So they must.

Unfortunately, my propaganda team is a bit amateurish. They even ocassionally insist that the professionals are right, and are winning, even when it's obvious they're wrong. Now, I'm beginning to suspect my own propaganda team !So, I've sacked the lot of them and started thinking afresh from the beginning. What I'm really saying is that we are conditioned to relying on questionable professional standards that don't necessarily confront the problem, with all it's complications, head-on. Either that, or I've just got some compulsive typing disorder. I've heard the bookies have stopped taking bets on that one !

Seriously, many times I have left the GP's surgery thinking \" This is hopeless. Where do I turn to now ? \". Not always the case, but when it does happen, morale can spin downwards, dragging all in it's wake. Our dependancy leaves us vulnerable. Now, I'm not qualified to dispense medications, but I am qualified, through experience, to offer advice on ways of dealing with, or even averting, this scenario. There are issues here like having a clear head when you see the GP, knowing what you want, being more knowledgeable beforehand about c/s and not necessarily approaching the surgery thinking the GP knows best.

It follows that, the more we know about our condition, and the clearer we are in describing it, then we will inevitably get better treatment and not leave ourselves open to disappointments. Knowledge is power. To gain knowledge we must ask some difficult questions of ourselves. I like to start with this question \"Is it good enough to just see myself as a victim of circumstance, and, in hoping for the best, should I feel confidant in allowing others, who maybe haven't thought it through as I have, to make important decisions for me \".

I forecast endless rants ahead.......best to switch off now !

Gerry

Hello Gerry

Have you ever thought about giving up the decorating? Because I write a lot of stuff and actually get paid sometimes for them.

I can tell by your postings that you've got a lot of talent, and you obviously love to write, so why dont you have a go at writing a book - it may never get published but it's a lot of fun, I know because I've written four books - well potential books - because they haven't been published yet. You can let your imagination go wild.

You may at first think that you cant do it - but when you actually start, you'll be amazed as to what comes out of your mind.

Best of luck

Alan D

Hi Alan

Know what you mean. Already I've got several titles running around in my head. How about \" Snow White and the seven Cervical Vertebrae \" or for the male readership, a little Roman history..... \" I, Spondylosis \". To be honest, I don't know how far the rants would progress without knowing there are concerned readers out there, ready to respond and add to it. I might lose a bit of sense of purpose. Even thought of just collecting all the rumminations, with everyone's postings, putting it in a manuscript and running it by some \" normal \" people, just to see the reaction. There might be copyright issues, I don't know. Anyway, the old rummies haven't run their full course yet, if ever they will, so as long as it's still a live organism I'm happy to run with that.

Good luck with the fishing mag.... and ta for the compliments.

Gerry

Off again... It's been a productive week for the old grey matter and I'm truly sorry for any headaches I might have inspired. If it's any consolation, it helps keep mine at bay !

Somebody posted recently, I think it was Juniper, that it took an hour or so to defrost in the mornings.That's me, every morning, and once I do defrost, I get a flood of clarified thoughts washing over me for the next hour. Thus the postings. I don't spend the day stewing over the complications and theories and , by the evening, I'm usually more inclined towards a bit of humour. Some sort of sub-concious balancing act going on there.I won't be requiring the services of a phsycoanalyst yet. It all resolves naturally and it's a lot, lot cheaper.

One thing for sure, it does give me a sense of attempting to do something positive with an otherwise gloomy scenario. Also, the sense of exploring what some might consider 'forbidden territory', issues that might disturb our already tenuous comfort zones, is really quite exciting. it's a process for me to reconcile years of denial and frustration, and with a bit of luck, it might open up new ways of dealing with c/s , on it's many levels. One thing that always flags up to me is the many varied levels of c/s that differentiates us from each other and so, any discussion on suitable meds and therapies doesn't necessarily suit one and all. Each to their own, according to the advice given, and hope for the best.I'm not qualified to recommend any meds to anyone, so I won't. What I will do is try to focus on issues that are common to us all such as, how to approach the whole notion of having been diagnosed with c/s and how to deal with the difficulties with a little intelligent self management. I know it's possible to improve in this way and, to be honest, I do think the various treatments that fellow sufferers undergo, as with myself, whilst interesting are mostly incidental and relevant only to the participant. Perhaps a bit harsh, but don't forget, I apply it to myself as well.

The heart of the matter, for me, has always been \" How much of our own survival instincts are we prepared to trade off in exchange for a comforting dependancy on qualified advice, which, in the back of our minds, doesn't always seem qualified\". There are many postings here of failed therapies and meds.....perhaps too many to list ( felt like putting in a big HELLO here, but that would just be childish ! ). I, too, am drawn towards the comforting dependancy, but there's a big part of me which still wants to be independant and in control. I suspect a lot of meds gnaw away at this resolve, so I've tried to avoid that route.

Having said that, I have consummed monumental amounts of painkillers when compared to the average healthy person. I know people who go thru' a little crisis if they have to take one nurofen for a hangover. They feel they've started on the slippery slope of dependancy.....if only they knew !. The average breakfast for me used to be a couple of boiled nurofen and some toast !Luckily, the headaches are under control now, so you can delete 'nurofen ' and insert ' eggs, with an ocassional nurofen '. I could never have done these postings the way I used to feel.

Back to the 'trade off ' . Tricky one this.The crucial element here is to always consumme meds with reluctance and always be assessing if the trade off is in your favour.They may improve your mood and disguise the pain, but they may also disguise their own side - effects. One big downside of the meds is this. They will undermine our determination to tackle and test other more practical ways of dealing with the aches and pains... and that's a trade off that shouldn't be ignored. I'd like to think that everytime I want to take a painkiller, I at least let myself consider the options beforehand, and if I think I can manage with

It's happened again. Get up 7 am. Feeling rough. Thaw out gradually and then, the fllod of thoughts. It's like asteam of ideas that force me to put pen to paper and shape them into something coherent, to me at least.Funny thing is, it works. Nearly always it will evolve and resolve some question at the back of my mind, which I probably wasn't even aware existed. Once it's done, I usually feel that at least I've had a go at it, for better or worse, and then that particular issue doesn't need avoiding anymore.

It's a de-mystifying process. I want to be able to think in a way that suits my c/s accommodating lifestyle, rather than being in cyclical conflict with myself because I've assummed some generally accepted social philosophy which really doesn't fit my circumstances. My goal for today may simply be, to have as painfree a day as I can possibly have. Everything else is by the way.This, for anyone with c/s, is probably a highly deserving goal because we know that we don;t progress to better things until this goal is achieved. To someone else, it might seem like a cop-out. It's not. It's just a different reality.

So, what I must do is engage myself in a re-evaluation process that allows me to achieve this goal with a positive sense of belief that what I'm doing is something worthy. A lot of self convincing going on here. Therefore, I must discard inappropriate evaulation mechanisms and replace them with re-structured more relevant processes that are not in conflict with my choices. Not easy typing this, never mind putting it into practice ! We have spent large parts of our lives conditioned to more regular expectations , and now, with c/s, we must unravel all that and try and adopt new goals with more suitable expectations.

We're not lowering the bar, just resetting it at a more achievable height for our abilities. If we continually compare ourselves to the fitter of the species, then it follows that we will only percieve ourselves negatively and perhaps deny ourselves the opportunity to explore our own possibilities. I know. This sounds like some 'talking it up ' spiel....even I'm thinking \" You know what it's like, Gerry, so, less of the ultra positive bulls**t , please \". Okay. But , what interests me is not the whole \"I'm going to change my life to something more meaningful and positive \" aspect. What interests me is the point of awareness where this sort of thinking becomes possible. What any individual, including me, does afterwards is not the issue.At least the choices have been highlighted. If I choose not to react to my own suggestions, or I choose not to attempt to change my priorities to suit myself, well, at least I know that I've made a concious choice, and that, in itself, can be empowering and satisfying.

However, if I just dismiss any consideration of these options, dismiss my option to choose, then I am at the mercy of whatever role society deems fit for me.Victim of circumstance....or.....Master of circumstance. \" Aye. There's the rub. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Or, to take up arms against a sea of troubles, and, by opposing, end them. \".... Perhaps a bit drastic, but I always knew I'd find a use for that one. I'm sure he's turning uncomfortably in his grave as I post !

Gerry

Double Posting Today.

Bit sore today. Gotta do something. This post is totally disconnected. The subject matter is ' Pharaoh Ants '. Don't know if anyone out there has encountered these little buggers trying to take over your house or flat. If so, my sympathies.

For those not familiar with Pharaoh Ants, here's some facts. They're tiny. They nest indoors, near hot water pipes. They're relatively new to the UK, seemingly brought back from North Africa unawares by soldiers returning after WW11. They eat sugary things, meat grease, dead bugs etc. etc. They can get inside most packaging and will. In hospitals, where they are quite common now, they have been known to get into surgical wrappings, even into sterilised sealed bags etc. They travel in trails, are difficult to detect due to tiny size, and are pretty clever at avoiding trouble as well. They're capable of leaving seriosly dangerous infections ( botulism, stroppacop etc. etc) on kitchen worktops , and are considered perhaps the most dangerous pest in household or hospital today.

But, here's the real problem.They are extremely difficult to get rid of. Usual ant sprays, poisons etc. only make the scatter and form new nests, thus increasing their numbers. This is called ' budding ' or 'fractionating'. Any threat to nest and this will happen, so the problem gets worse. Remember, these are the same ants that did the Pharaoh's head in during the Plagues of Egypt, so they know what they're doing, how to survive. Okay, I know it's just a story, but they come with a fearsome reputation.The only bait that works is genetic stuff which sterilises the queens and 3 to 6 months down the line, the nest dies out. It's the stuff of Sci Fi Horror stories, right there in the kitchen.

My house was overrun with several nests, about ten years ago, and It took more than a year of baiting to get rid of them. Absolute nightmare. If there had been any kids about it would have been worse, you have to check foodstuffs continually. Anyway, they've recently returned, perhaps because I live next to shops and takeaways. I know, I'll stick to Sainbury's.It just seems to be one nest at the moment, so i'm baiting them properly, so they don't spread and become unmanageable. Been there, got the tee-shirt.Some things simply must be done by the book.

What really concerns me is the hospital aspect. THere is a 'conspiracy' theory about that our wonderful nurses, washing their hands 100 times a day, might be a bit pointless. These ants love hospitals, with their huge central heating systems and ready supplies of waste matter and water to suit their North African temperament. They're not native to the UK, so they need to keep warm in winter. This is not a scare story, it's simply stating the facts as known. THe recent increases in hospital borne infections and the recent proliferation of Pharaoh Ants in hospitals ( they also like tower blocks, but are fairly uncommon in domestic houses ) could be more than a mere co-incidence.

Perhaps our nurses, the cleanest people on earth, are being wrongly blamed for a problem which should be investigated properly. Maybe our hospitals would have to shut down to treat the real problem, and this prospect is, of course, unthinkable. Perhaps, blaming the nurses is the more cost effective non-solution, because the real problem might be seen as unmanageable !

Co-incidentally, this is just a 'conspiracy ' theory at this time. It would be interesting to hear any views on it.

Gerry

Hi Gerry

I enjoy reading your posts I just wish my brain would get into gear and work as well as yours, keep it coming.

Regards Tony

Hi Tony

Thanks for the encouragement. I've got no excuses for the postings...except...why not ? And I'm sure there's some out there who'll insist encouragement is the last thing I need. But, the journey continues regardless. Just hoping that something might make a difference to someone, sometime.

RegardsGerry

ps......and best of luck with the op appointment.

Moving on......

One of the less obvious side effects of c/s is the manner in which it gradually erodes what used to be our 'normal' expectations of ourselves i.e. the windsurfing holiday in the Bahamas, the ambition to advance at work, the will to expand socially etc. etc. If you're like me, you will have gradually replaced these expectations with a 'self-affirming' cynical sense of futility. No point planning what can't be achieved. To be honest. I've had c/s so long, I don't think I ever really had adventurous ambitions, except maybe to achieve maximum comfort in any given circumstance. I've had my holidays in the Med ( some time ago, now ), I've canoed in Wales, attended musical events etc. But, always, it was tempered by the physical and mental challenge of not knowing how I would feel when I woke up any morning.I always kept a \" I'm going home \" option available, so was never fully committed as others were.Seemed more rational to accommodate that uncertain feeling than it did to push myself into challenging holiday planning. Sub- concious priorities will have their way,and they have ! It took many years, of trial and error, thinking up suitable excuses so I could retreat to a more comfortable environment. And many misunderstandings on the part of my more eager friends !

I'm sure we all regret not having the chance to live our lives as we would like, if circumstances had been different. Regret is fine. It allows us to balance our desires with our realities. Futility is a different animal, because it evolves from not understanding, or accepting, our limitations.Our situation is only futile by comparison with unreal expectations. If we're capable of rationally choosing the best way to spend our day, considering the possible discomforts, then a sense of futility becomes meaningless and probably won't even enter the equation. I don't think this can be achieved with intent. It must happen naturally, unconciously.For instance, If I choose what I consider the best and most comfortable way to spend my day, even if that involves a considerable lack of effort, then I should feel confidant that it can easily be achieved. There's no need for any self-resentment at not aiming for, or not achieving, more complex goals. Subsequently, there should be no lingering sense of futulity.

Quite often, that's as far as I get with the holiday planning. I just don't seem to have the desire anymore to force myself to escape the so-called 'negative thinking ' that comes with c/s. I know it will follow me everywhere, so I'd much rather spend my 'holiday' time figuring out ways of ensuring that to-morrow is an improvement on to-day. Not everyone's idea of a good time, but, if I want to feel the exhilaration of windsurfing in the Bahamas, then this is probably my best option.Different realities, different solutions.

Here's one consolation. I could be spending my planned holiday stuck in an airport lounge, seething with frustration, waiting for the ash cloud to disperse. I'm sorry, but my sympathies only go so far !

Gerry