Cervical Spondylosis ruminations

So, so you think you can tell,

Heaven from hell, blue skies from pain,

Do you think Mr Waters suffers from c/s?

Here's one I think proves he does -

You've gotta keep one eye, looking over your shoulder

You know it's gonna get harder, harder and harder as you get older

I've got the remedy for that one...use wing mirrors, less strain on the neck! Sometimes it's difficult to figure if he deciphers our fears or .....if we allow our perspectives to be altered to suit his observations. Profound Eh? Either way, he digs deep and pays the price. Respect. But he can't be right all the time (even I get things wrong ocassionally).

Again I must return to my Journal to record the latest events. I am, this morning, experiencing a rather sublime cocktail ( Double Luxury) of c/s and sinus infection (this is what you are all missing out on!) which includes the daily imbibing of anti biotics and nasal spray. A confusion of symptoms and treatments, along with a strange light headedness has led to my most recent postings...so, no apology there.

Am I the scurrying Lab Rat, am I the wild haired Scientist, prodding the rat or am I the Victorian Gothic Novelist, whose imagination is running amok, having taken the experimental elixir without having first checked the availability of an anti-dote. Reminds me of that Swiss chemist who, in 1946 or whenever..(don't all rush to correct me here), invented LSD and proceeded to take a double dose as a first test and then cycled home from the lab....True. Must have made Jeckyll and Hyde read like a bedtime story. Maybe, the non-availability of an anti-dote forced his hand into making sure he had a good time...the alternatives don't bear thinking about...whatever...I detract.

By the way, this pretentious Victorian phrasing I utilise is just a tool to disguise the fact I'm showing off...and it isn't working ...I know...best to admit my vulnerabilities before they're thrown back in my face eh? and if anyone thinks my postings are a bit \"adventurist\" -all I can say is Bring It On.

Back to the c/s + sinus thing. With the anti-biotics ( I haven't taken any for maybe 8 years) I've had this yo yoing between either having a mild dull headache + aches or an ache free light headedness (as described) varying hour to hour. Very strange indeed. I've noticed, in the past, that , if I've had a long bad bout of c/s, then, when it disappears, my mood tends to get a bit silly...off the wall humour sort of thing, which probably makes me look a bit bi-polar and questions the seriousness of my affliction ( Em ... I think you'll find your head in the bin after that one ). I realise the confusions this might cause, but really, I don't care because it's just nice to feel ok again and , I know, it's purely as a result of physical (not mental) change. Does this ring a bell? I also understand that another person watching this process will tend to automatically assume physcological causes...One day I'm whingeing and requireing sympathy...the next day I'm having a laugh... and they're wondering why they bothered to sympathise in the first place. Maybe, they feel conned and their sympathies betrayed. Tricky one. Does this mean we should try to offer them some consistency by pretending to still be suffering when, actually, (your'e probably ahead of me here) it has just passed away temporarilly. A conundrum indeed...just to add to the \"quiet desperation\" (that one's for Mike).

Good at asking the questions...Now where's the bloody answers!

Lucky for everyone who reads these ravings, I may have to return to work next week and will have less time for reflection.

Dear smelly (bath dodger) Gerry :D

I was really having a poo day until I read your post, thank you for making me laugh and loosing my head altogether :D :D :D are you sure you haven't taken a double dose of your inhaler, oh I've just remembered it hasn't got that awful substance in it , has it? Can't remember what it's called but if it starts with a P that's the one, it's lethal..... :shock: you need the one that starts with O less invasive and definitley doesn't send you do-lally :D Sorry having a really senior day today' had to come back from attemting to go into town, my legs, shoulders,arms decided they weren't playing the game today :evil: so, I had to give in and go lie down for a couple of hours.I'm ok-ish now , thanks for the laugh Gerry, hope you feel better soon.

Em :D

No. I haven't had a double dose of inhaler....but now you mention it...mmmmmmm....and likewise for the laughs.

Gerry

Feeling inspired this morning. Here's a poem :

As I reflect

I do detect

A mild apotheosis

I do respect

As I genuflect

It could be ankylosis

It could be this

It could be that

Could even be stenosis

But I suspect

Just a side effect

Of Cervical Spondylosis.

Why do I give it away for free!

Hmmmmm...24 hours and no comment on that one! Okay, I get the picture. I'm getting too bloggy, am I ? Better make this the last one then.

\"Today, I'm gonna kill me a bear\"----Anthony Hopkins in one of my fav films...The Edge. When Alec Baldwin says to him \" You know, if we were back in Dallas, you would have just got a team of lawyers to sort out this m...f... grizzly bear\". Hopkins replies \"I wouldn't do that to an animal\". Wonderful.

I'm not a great lover of Americana, but they have produced some classic pieces....The Sopranos, Blue Velvet, practically any David Mamet film, Bob Dylan and Abrose Bierce (the Devils Dictionary..very funny..free on web). The American psychosis of repetitative armageddon and redemption is fertile ground for post modern Shakespearian tragedy ( your'e completly excused from that one Em). Perhaps they live in a cultural mindwarp which equates with the prevalent moods of early 16th century England (excused again!). And then, to top it all, they produce a messianic figurehead.....Act 1V Scene 111.. enter Barack Obama. Will he \"set the controls for the heart of the sun\" or, like the Pied Piper, lead us all to despair ( Tony Blair springs to mind here). To some, he's a dream, to others, a nightmare and only in America can these two share a bed. Discuss.

Personally, I'm confidant he has his feet planted firmly on the ground and, if you don't expect the world to become a bed of roses, well, he might just improve the general look of the garden ( can you see the metaphor linking here? awesome...outstanding! ). Well actually, it's not awesome or indeed outstanding.....it's merely interesting. We're all British here, you know.

Where is all this heading, you might ask......Nowhere. Just feeling reasonably good today and felt I must share my ramblings with you. It's a bloggy thing. Must watch that. This is hardly the place....but, then again........

Gerry

Blog on you crazy diamond!!

I like this site as I can read about other people's experiences with c/s, how they cope - or not- with having it and being able to have a good old moan about it amongst others who actually understand what its like.

But mostly, Gerry, I just log in to read your next instalment of pain, anger, amusement and experienced meanderings of almost biblical proportions.

High five is the appropriate move i think.

As for Obama, it does seem as if we have come away from the dark side of the moon but I seem to remember something about the moon being all dark :roll: I do hope he can change things for the better but it may not be up to him. I still cannot understand how a nation can follow one man in acts of war then turn around to follow someone else and not expect any payback for previous crimes against humanity. I guess a lot of people need a leader to shoulder the responsibility for their own common needs.

I better go, I think this Blogging disease is catching. Is poetry a side effect or a symptom?

Mike, :D

Please don't encourage him :D Blogging is good, don't have a problem with it, it's the waffle in between that gets me :wink: . It's taken me a while to get me 'ead out of the bin, and I absolutley refuse to discuss Obama,or religion :D however don't get me started on the economy :shock: :shock:

Great poem Gerry :lol:

Anyway here's my blog for today............

The past couple of days have been er em rubbish, extrreme pain and that awful, dreadful, insidious tiredness which leaves me with no option but to seek a flat level surface and retreat in to what I call my comatosed state. I become unable to respond to anything going on around me, I can hear noise etc, but I cannot open my eyes, it's a wicked expirience, I'm only pleased I have no children who need my attention. having lowered my meds over the past couple of weeks I have now increased the Amitriptyline which is helping .

I'll shut up now :roll:

Onwards and Upwards eh?

Em :D

Hey, If your'e going to start plotting against me, at least have the decency to do it secretly. Even Caesar had the luxury of mulling over what he was going to have for dinner as the first knife plunged into him. This must be the first case in history of the victim ( ME ) being privy to his own assassination plot. Believe me, the elongated silence after my last post was almost enough to get me to do the job on your behalf. I had a Shooting Stars moment as the world assumed an eerie silence and the tumbleweed blew across the stage. So, your responses, although suspect, actually saved the day. THank you. :shock: :arrow: :idea: :evil:

I've been ok ish last few days so, sorry to hear it's not the same everywhere. I'm reminded of a line by John Milton, the poet, who in an attempt to justify the frustrations of his own blindness wrote \"They also serve, who only stand and wait\" and that was in Puritan days when excuses were forbidden. Mind you, he also wrote about feeling a bit low \"Hence, loathed melancholy....Of Cerberus and blackist midnight born...In Stygian cave forlorn (thats me at the pc)...midst horrid sights and sounds unholy\". He went a bit far with that. Makes me look like an amateur.

Now. About the economy.... I'll come back to Obama later (when Em's asleep). At the moment it is not my domain.

Just a couple of things in passing. On wed nite I witnessed the aftermath of a shooting (non fatal) on the street (out the window). Had the Flying Squad around on thurs to take statement. I said to one of the police that , living in an area where the Turks and Kurds compete to control the drugs trade, I feel quite safe, because they never involve the locals...he laughed. That was a first. Then, today, the Council lifted my car for out of date tax disc. Took 3 hours to get it back. Cost £100. They don't have an emoticon for that one!

Later Gerry

Sorry to hear you're doing 'time' Em. It is a nasty business for sure. Do you find that stress can have a major effect? I finally got a date for my Incapacity appeal tribunal and have been aching ever since. Nothing like what you must be going through Em but I have noticed this link with stress before so I was wondering if its just in my head....

My benefits were cut 5 months ago pending this appeal - its been so tough I had to move back with my parents.... I'm nearly 35!!! I was born and raised in Belfast so I know how crazy life can be but this is the hardest thing I have ever been through - £29 a week is a disgrace even in a much poorer country than ours. And now I have to prove to a bunch of strangers that I am incapacitated enough to qualify for benefits. If only I could give someone my neck for a day.....

I really don't know what to do if it doesn't work out but at least I know it can't get much worse. At least I have a roof, a bed and the internet.

I could go on but I think I'm even starting to depress myself .

My life over the past 3 years has been as bad as it has been good - everything seems to have had an equal and opposite reaction so on the plus side of things is this - I recently sold loads of cd's and dvd's (was hard to let go of them) and have just ordered a very decent camera. I should have paid off some debt but its been so long since I had a treat!!

I've never had a camera before but am really stoked about taking it up as a hobby and maybe someday earn a few shillings from it. I'm convinced that freelance work is my only option due to the nature of c/s. Its my goal to be in a position where I can afford some alternative therapy every week to help ward off what Em is going through this week. I managed to get a course of acupuncture on the NHS !!! This has now finished and although it helped a lot I can feel things slipping back to 'normal'

Sorry for boring you... rant over

It's true. I wish that for just one day they could stand inside my shoes.......there would be very little left to explain. By the way, sorry for letting the ruminations take on a life of their own...various things at play, I'll spare you the details. But I'm always aware of why we're on here in the first place.

I've had an idea I want to explore, having read the comments on altering sleep routines on the home remedies page and knowing how much I agree. Basically, I've got the time and the inclination to run a few tests, purposely altering the amount of hours I sleep at night ( might take some willpower) and, also, trying out different pillow arrangements. I've got two of those ortho memory foam pillows, which I always found to be uncomfortable, due to thickness and lack of flexibility...so, I've cut one in half and will use it with a soft normal pillow on top. I'm getting sleepy already! Also, various other combinations.

If I hit on anything that proves itself beneficial, I will post results. I already sleep on a sprung mattress with a memory foam topper and I know this really helps with shoulder down aches (wouldn't dream of a normal bed...I used to ache all over), so the pillow issue really interests me, simply because it might hold a key to the morning symptoms and subsequent daily patterns. Thats the theory. When I think about it, all those physios never mentioned sleep therapies and yet the fact we mostly suffer in the morning seems to point to the aches setting in at night. If there is such a thing as the ideal sleeping position for c/s, I intend to find it. Worth a try.

Gerry

Lately I only get 3-5 hours every night then maybe 2 late afternoon. I think it definetly helps me to not stiffen up as much as normal but spending a lot of the time being tired ain't much fun either.

Gerry I think you are spot on about the pillow thing. What I find is I need different size of pillow depending on which way I lie. My last physio taught me to put a pillow under the knees to help while sleeping on my back (something I could never do before) which really works for me but the foam pillow is useless for this position. Great minds etc - I thought of cutting it up - but I want to cut half of the middle out so the head will be lower yet supported on both sides. Hope it works..

Keep the rumination's coming whenever you feel the need Gerry!!

By the way - I got my new camera and now I can make use of my funny sleeping pattern!! Here's one of the many photo's :

Hey! I know that Pylon....only kidding. Might try a bit of pillow carving myself..get it out of the system.

The ruminations rumble on rumbustiously (I've no idea what that means).

If I ASSUME that somebody respects and understands my predicament (even though I know they don't) will I have a more fruitful communication with them?Discuss.

Usually, the whole thing is overshadowed by me thinking in the background \"If you only realised etc.\" Sometimes, most times, the best way of portraying problems we encounter in real life is to reconstruct them in an artificial environment -thus theatre, films, music etc. and this offers everybody the freedom to explore the issues without having to confront it face-on (I've got a degree in stating the obvious !). No hard feelings, so to speak. I live in a shared house situation. The other tenant knows that I have neck / headachy problems ( and may even suspect that I'm a raving hypochondriac ) but doesn't really know the details. As long as I get respect for what I've tried to explain, I'm content with that. Perhaps I describe my condition in cinematographic terms so I'm not constantly draining their limited pool of sympathy.

\"All the world's a stage\". What would it be like, if two c/s sufferers, with exactly the same symptoms, occupied the same living space? No excuses there! A safe haven of understanding or an endless conflict with both trying to prove they've got it worst? In the real world, of course, it would just be a struggle to survive. In a way, this is what happens when we log on here...we recreate an artificial living space where we can share with people with similar experiences. The dynamics are something we are not used to, a little close to the core sometimes, and we are drawn to it because it's not available anywhere else. A round of applause here for the Patient UK site.

Someday, it may well replace current NHS information services. I've never met another real life c/s sufferer, there may not be one within a five mile radius (unlikely in London) and I've no idea how such a meeting would pan out. 25 years of denial would probably make me very apprehensive and I don't really want to test myself. Our group is probably somewhat unique in this aspect and it is so much easier to talk on-line. If I bumped into someone casually and they told me they had c/s, then I would want to share experiences immediately. Just don't think I'd want to plan it. Might just be me...thats really a question.

Back to the beginning \"If I ASSUME etc\" and the important bit \"even if I know they don't\"...is it better to let it go or, as Mike suggested, introduce them to a better overview of the penal system. I'm plumping (?) for the latter here, but with one proviso - only to those with a vested interest...family, friends, doctors etc. No point trying to hammer a nail home when the wood is rotten. It just crumbles and causes bigger problems. Ah, the metaphors one picks up on building siteseh? \" Can you fetch me that box of metaphors from my toolbox, and, while you're there, just check that I didn't forget to pack that tube of \"Get Home Early\" adhesive !\"

At the risk of sounding tedious (your tolerance and patience are hugely appreciated) I want to clarify exactly what I'm trying to deal with in exploring problems with c/s and associated social dilemmas. Firstly, I understand there are more chronic sufferers out there and I wouldn't dream of suggesting a comparison, except to say that the source of the problem is in the same area and therefore, any remedies might be similar. Also, I appreciate that some will already have decided that there are no remedies besides painkillers. No argument. My condition is best described as Bad Bouts, Intermediary Bouts and Good Spells.

A) Bad Bouts: Wake up. Stiff neck and oncoming headache. Various aches. Can last 2/3 days, can last weeks or even months. Very challenging, a struggle to get by and causes a lot of negative thinking. Don't want to socialise paticularly and feel fatiqued all the time.

B) Intermediary Bouts: Wake up, no headache. Stiffnes neck/shoulders plus various aches. This seems to be my default state and I've learned to manage it, best I can. Always mindful of further aggravation so I treat myself with caution. Basically, got used to this one.

c) Good Spells: Wake up. Head feels like a feather. No stiffness. Various minor aches. Feel enthusiastic again. Start planning and want to have a good time (while the going is good). I would even say that when I've had other unrelated painfull injuries (fractured rib, lower back problem) during a good spell, it was a piece of cake compared to a c/s bad bout. Completely different mentality. I would like to think that these Good Spells are my default setting...but they're not.

All these Bouts /Spells lead into and out of each other in varying timescales.That's me.

The two main issues I'm exploring are :

a) What causes a Bad Bout to kick in, and

b) What triggers the transition from severe, to less severe, to no pain at all.

All the other issues I ramble on about are 'by the way' really and have more to do with understanding associated social complexities. There will always be differences of experiences and opinions but, ultimately we're here to share ideas...even to get credibility for any ideas or actions. It's a lot easier to think a problem thru', knowing others are thinking similarly...same with actions...and not feel you are on a loop of your own, headed in the wrong direction at warp speed! I'm focused, because of you, and that's probably as good as it gets when it comes to handing out accolades.

I should leave it there but hey! you know me (beyond the poiint of even needing encouragement ). A big plus for me in all this is that I've put a shape to my otherwise scattered thinking and, where I used to feel misunderstood, even alienated, I now know there are others with similar dilemmas and the road ahead looks clearer from where I'm slobbing on my sofa!

Gerry

I've added another pic of THe Boss.