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Chickened out, chickened out of everything....

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anya.rose
anya.rose

A few of you may remember my last post from last weekend, most of you won’t. I had a GP appointment yesterday which I cancelled 15 min before I was due to be there (because I just got so nervous) and then I cancelled today’s and all subsequent “guided self-help” sessions (which, had I not quit, might have led to me getting some CBT), and then 3 hours later when I calmed down a bit and thought it all through I felt like a complete idiot for sabotaging the only treatment besides meds my GP offered.

And then to top it all off I’ve gotten really, really ill (universe trying to tell me I should go see doc?), so now I’m in bed with a fever. The only good thing about getting ill during a heatwave is I’m not feeling chilly. *silver linings*

0 likes, 10 replies

10 Replies

  • Davesoapbox
    Davesoapbox anya.rose

    Posted

    You and me got problems lol, why didn't you let us know this afternoon that you were freaking out grrrr anyway, hope someone is looking after you I would offer but I don't do snotty people. If I get through mine tomorrow it's your turn

    Loves and hugs

    😃🙏❤️

    • anya.rose
      anya.rose Davesoapbox

      Posted

      Oh you can say that again : ) No but don’t worry about it, I don’t do people looking after me. I also don’t talk (/type) when I’m freaking out, tend to just hide away till the worst is over. Then after I decide I do want to tell someone – but at that point it’s all mostly over and there’s not much anyone can do to help. But thank you, maybe next time I’ll try to post here... we’ll see.

      You better get through yours tomorrow! I don’t think you’re in a position where not showing up or cancelling is a viable option anyway – they’d probably need to check up on you if you did that and then there’s no going back to work for you anytime soon. So don’t do what I did, not a good idea.

      Be a good role model ; )

    • Davesoapbox
      Davesoapbox anya.rose

      Posted

      I did it, can go back to work (under restrictions) told of for meds misuse (bad boy) but all in all not bad ❤️🙏😀
  • jean87936
    jean87936 anya.rose

    Posted

    Hi Anya I am the opposite I try to see my doctor as often as possible for reasurance after I have seen him I feel a bit better for a few hours then it comes back just as before.  I am trying CBT at the moment and feel okay when I am there but the goals he sets me are so far out of reach.  For today I had to try and go up the garden and have breakfast but no chance sat in the chair watched tv and had chocolate  biscuits.  Please help

      

    • anya.rose
      anya.rose jean87936

      Posted

      Hi Jean,

      Yeah I pretty bad at going to see doctors and I’m really bad at talking to them (make me nervous – don’t even know why) I am getting better with my GP tho, as I’ve seem him a few times now – I think I’d be fairly comfortable seeing him about a physical ailment, just get quite self-conscious about this sort of thing. I think I also just became very aware of the fact that there will be nothing he can really do, I just wanted to see him for, I don’t even know, advice, his opinion? I should have talked to the therapist but just felt so uncomfortable with her so in a moment of panic over just decided I was better of cancelling everything. Oh well, don’t think I would have liked CBT anyway and if I want to I can always still attempt to get back into treatment. At the moment it says I quite therapy because I “no longer require it” making it sound like it helped and I’m all better now (lol) so maybe I should just let me GP know about the real reason? That is, me being really uncomfortable with the therapy and therapist?

      Have you told your therapist that the goals you set aren’t reachable for you at the moment? He should know about that, the goals could be made smaller or you two can “brake them down into smaller steps to make them more manageable” (using my therapists’ language here) : )

      It shouldn’t feel like he’s setting goals for you, by the way, it really should feel like a collaborative effort. If you feel comfortable with him, bring this up. I’m sure he doesn’t want you to feel like he’s setting goals for you, it should be you setting goals for you but with his guidance and support.

      Keep at it and let me know how you get on : )

      All the best,

      Anya X

    • jean87936
      jean87936 anya.rose

      Posted

      Hi Anya I am having a real bad week, just dont know what to do with myself just want to stay in bed but even there my mind goes crazy and I worry all the time.

      How have you been

      Jean

      x

    • anya.rose
      anya.rose jean87936

      Posted

      Hi Jean,

      So sorry to hear you’re struggling : ( When I’m not feeling great and don’t really like where my mind’s going I’ll listen to music a lot, it really help me quite my thoughts (if that makes sense). It’s like listening to music helps me not thinks about negative stuff so much, it feels like putting up the volume on my iPod put the volume down in my head (lol I sound crazy!). How you ever tried that? Just lying in bed, doing nothing else but having some music (that you enjoy) playing in the background. Do you have any other thing you like to do which helps you to escape your worrying a little?

      I’m feeling much better today, sun’s still out and I’m out of bed : ) I hope to have a productive day today and this weekend.

      Really hope you feel better soon,

      Anya x

    • jean87936
      jean87936 anya.rose

      Posted

      Hi Anya glad you are feeling better today.  I am at work but think I will try to hoover the floor and wash the dishes when I get home.  I would love to be able to listen to music but dont realy like it.  I watch TV in bed but sometimes I feel part of the programme and start to worry for the characteres like in Eastenders.  I try to play cards on the computer but get anxious when I start to lose.

      Sorry for sounding so negative when you are feeling a bit up beat.

      Have a grand weekend and speak to you soon x

  • william85041
    william85041 anya.rose

    Posted

    Lol on yhe silvet lining but to me you are already doing doing what cbt would teach anyhows if you arw really uncomfortable you could always try the cbt self help therapies and that way you could make a definitive response as to whether you could handle cbt therapy. Like hss been mentioned wish you would have said something to us alot earlier as we might have been able to calm yourself and get you to the appointment that you yourself know would be best for you to go. Do not look at this in a negative light baby steps or snails pace to getting to the solution is as good as help there and then. You will eventually at something build up enough self confidence inside yourself someday you will be able to look back and when people laugh about going to the dentist you could always laugh about the gp side of things. Stay strong and believe in silver linings as eventualy we will all be if not cured then at least more understood as to how we feel. Take care off yourself.
    • anya.rose
      anya.rose william85041

      Posted

      Hi William,

      Yeah I’m not sure CBT is right for me either, in fact I’m pretty sure it’s not. I had one session of ‘guided self-help’ which is “based on the CBT model” aka a watered down version with a therapist who requires less training. It was painfully uncomfortable and patronizing.

      I don’t really regret quitting the guided self-help with that specific therapist so much I just wish I would have done it in a smarter way, a way that wouldn’t left my GP informed as to what’s going on and why I’ve quit or a way in which I would have enquired about seeing a different therapist. Because at the moment officially I ‘no longer require treatment’ which considering anxiety prevented me from going to see me GP is a bunch of BS. But anyway I’ll sort it out : )

      Thanks for your kind words ❤️

      All the best,

      Anya

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