Chronic fatigue and affection

Hi Lauren,

The whole system is kind of on hyper alert so, for me lets just say, i really liked music and dancing (i still do but....) now music makes me often feel physically sick. Often I have to wear ear plugs when I'm out. This is because my senses are hyper alert and it doesn't matter that l loved music previously because my body now can't cope with sound in the same way. My ears no longer filter as they did. Sitting on a crowded train makes me feel physically sick because all the sounds happen at once (not all the time but when it does its unbearable) so, just for me, and just for sound, something i loved is often something I can't even tolerate now and this can sometimes make me a bit miserable. Especially when I have to ask the kids to turn down their music etc. Of course, it's hard for people without the condition to fully understand because even us with it don't fully understand! Why and what will affect us. But what we do know is that internally it's exhausting and often painful and that sometimes you can't even explain what's happening. Touch may be painful for your husband or overwhelming or stressful or irritating now (i feel all these feelings with music) it may make him feel miserable that it's not the same as before? I have only used music as an example for my self and not about affection/intimacy. Cfs/me puts you in the fight/flight or freeze. Everything is on hyper alert, super vigilance is happening without a sufferers knowledge and it's exhausting the system and at the same time leaving the person more irritable: physically, emotionally, sensory and cognitively. Everything is depleted.

Can you talk to your husband about it? Ask if he feels anything has changed. Remember cfs/me robs the sufferer of energy and it may be he's just not up for affection at that time.

Hope that helps

Beverley

Hi Lauren ,I found especially in the early stages and i was very sick , excepting what was happening was very difficult , its such a loss of who you are , to lose so much movement and independence and to feel so so sick all the time, its a real grieving, I still believe i will be healed one Day though! and have come from being bedbound and in a wheelchair, no matter how bad it is ,its a real shock to you, and this affects your self esteem and confidence, you certainly dont feel very attractive or have energy to spare , but all that said , you have to rebuild some type of life and this takes time, self and family love , understanding from self and others and trust, all the best to you both <3 Guava

Not necessarily. Mind you, it is a violent change in life. People say draw a line in the sand, this was my old life, that is my new one. Do not look back.

You have to find a new way to be intimate, is my guess, although things might get better. You are also hit by this, and have a right to try to make things work for you too. Talk about it, there is no other way.

Yes, sadly it is a symptom. On bad days all I want to do is curl up in a ball and wish the world away, he is probably the same, but it does NOT mean he has stopped loving you deeply. The two of you must talk it through on a no-blame basis. Then you will both know how you are feeling about this development, and to re-affirm your love for one another.

Love is as strong as death, but unspoken feelings create isolation. 

Hi Lauren,

Finding affection difficult is a very normal part of CFS/ME but it doesn’t mean your partner loves you any less. I love my husband very much. He is so supportive and caring but everything I do on a day to day basis is in terms of energy. Energy spent v energy conserved. Any kind of intimacy takes energy and when there is precious little of it in the first place, you have to prioritise where you’re going to use it. Unfortunately that means intamicy may suffer. Your love, support and understanding will mean the world to him though and when he is feeling stronger I’m sure things will improve. I hope this helps.