Chronic Insomnia - Please Help
Posted , 4 users are following.
I am out of options at this point and am seeking help from anyone. Towards the end of September 2016 a very stressful event at work triggered a few nights of bad sleep. Long story short (and I do mean long story), a few bad nights turned into a few bad months, and nearly every night I would wake at 3am and often couldn't fall back asleep. I had never experienced anything like this before so naturally I freaked out and thought there was something wrong with me and didn't even think it was real insomnia at some points. I got blood work which all came back normal, yet day after day I would go into work as a zombie. My entire life became a blur.
Finally, in early December, I began "accepting" my Insomnia as they say to do. Not freaking out about it, and all that. Around December 7th I slept rather well during the FIRST night of having this mindset. For the two months prior all I did was look for any cure to my problem (i.e. Melatonin, white noise machine, sleepy tea, etc. I was a lunatic) For the rest of 2016 I was finally sleeping well again. It was amazing.
Then something happened. Another couple of bad nights of sleep popped up right around New Years. I woke at 5am for a couple days in a row instead of my alarm at 6am. I got very upset about this and found myself entering a rebound phase of insomnia. The first couple of weeks I was losing it again and the techniquies I used to get me out of this hell the first time around suddenly did not work. Then eventually I really began to calm down but they STILL didn't work. Again I was in a full fledged Insomnia mode, only now, I had no answers. Finally, I realized about a week ago, that the #1 thing that seems to put me into a panic when these 3am horrors happen is looking at the clock when I wake up. Just seeing it's 3 or 4 am, whatever time it might be, would freak me out and often make me unable to fall back asleep. I would be a clock watcher every one of these nights. I removed the clock from my room, and wouldn't you know it, that VERY night I slept well! I did wake up in the middle of the night, but bc I knew there was no time to see, i soon fell back asleep.
The sad part is that this success of anxiety elimination only lasted about 3-4 days, as eventually i STILL continued to wake up in the middle of the night every night, and would think to myself well, I'm awake and i kinda KNOW its probably around 3am (bc i dont see the sun peeking through my window at all) and that began upsetting me again. I know 3-4 days isn't enough time to magically fix this and start sleeping through the night again, but I just couldn't help myself. The few nights of good sleep were so amazing, and to think I just couldnt for even ONE night find the way to sleep through the night was giving me anxiety.
I am absolutely lost at this point. The last two nights, friday and saturday, with no work in the morning, again I have slept horribly. No clock still, but of course up in the middle of the night, well aware of what is still happening to me. I am absolutely fascinated yet horrified by all of this. I cannot believe this is still happening to me, now for the better part of almost FIVE months. I am 32 and i know i have slept well for all of my life before this. I do feel this can be beaten and I feel like i have come close to doing so, but everytime i make progress I come right back.
I just want to go back to living a normal life again not being sleep deprived during the day. It has now reached a level where I have actually began putting cover up under my eyes to hide the purple bags. That's right, a 32 year old male putting on makeup.
Please help me.
0 likes, 29 replies
michael94059
Posted
Interesting Bc my mother is an insanely anxious person. Takes sleeping pills before a big day. Who knows, maybe this is partially genetic too. I know it was the stressful work event that "triggered" this but maybe it would have happened sooner or later regardless.
lily65668 michael94059
Posted
I think you're right Michael. In my experience, both personal and professional, acknowledging anxiety is the essential first step to dealing with it. I've never managed to make it go away but knowing it's there, deep down, has made it much easier to cope with. It's not an overnight process, of course, but I still think the first step is the biggest.
I'm afraid "insanely anxious" would have described my mother too. She actually kept me out of school for seven months when I was eight because she couldn't bear to be parted from me for a few hours! I don't think it's necessarily genetic. Any child raised in an atmosphere of frantic anxiety will stand a good chance of turning into an anxious adult.
donna17511 michael94059
Posted
Michael,
Do you think that the situation w/ your mother as you were growing up or any other unnerving incident (s) may have anything to do w/ it? I think that it's possible to have anxieties while growing up but sort of going on w/ life for awile & then some time later on in our lives, this subconscious level arises b/c it was never healed in the past.
michael94059 donna17511
Posted
Donna, hello. I'm not exactly sure what you're trying to figure out.. In my initial post I explained that this all started after a stressful event that took place at work in mid September of 2016. Then once I began freaking out over the insomnia, it began a sick cycle that I haven't been able to completely beat. The stress at work has been long gone.
If you're asking if I think anything else in my life or something that happened in my life previously is helping continue this sick cycle then I'm just not sure. Maybe I really have inherited some anxiety from my mother and thats preventing me from beating this completely. I can tell you (and the others reading) that I have actually been a little bit of an anxious person in general. Nothing crazy, but just someone who worries a little more than normal.
Funny example... a girl I know years ago struggled with Insomnia and would always post about it on Facebook. I would read her thoughts on it and would always think wow, I feel bad for that girl and thank God thats not me. Because like I said earlier, I've always been a little OCD with sleep, but on top of everything else, I don't exactly have the greatest things going for me in life right now. (i.e. I struggle with dating, I struggle with accepting that I'm getting older and friends are around less) That certainly doesn't help.
I just feel like i WOULD be a person to have this happen to them, and not some super confident guy who is married or completely happy in general. I don't want to sound like I'm a mess bc I'm not, i'm just saying these could also be factors. I also could have never had the stressful work situation happen and this never could have happened to me, who knows.
All I do know is that its at least good that I know that I shouldn't be freaking out about this and how that only makes things worse. I've come a long way, yet still feel so far. As explained earlier as calm as I am before bed, my brain continues to wake me up at 3am no matter what every night.
michael94059
Posted
Nixy michael94059
Posted
Hi Michael. I was so very pleased to see your message Michael. I have slept much better this week aswell. When I wake up in the night, I tell myself....I'm not the only one going through this, and just try and think of anything else BUT sleep - even boring work jobs for the next day. Keep posting...x
michael94059
Posted
Just another update for everyone with regards to what's going on! For the last couple of weeks I have followed a rule of consistently been going to bed at the same time, 10pm. I have also finally started a 30 minute "wind down" phase where I have a no phone rule and i also dim the lights as i finish watching TV. Now the thing is while i do get into bed at 10pm, I don't really fall asleep for another half hour or so. Regardless, ever since this routine began I have been waking up much later, usually around 430-445am. One two occasions 5am! Still, we are only taking about 6 or a little over 6 hours of sleep, which while better than my 3am horrors, is something I am still not "thrilled" about.
One TWO occasions during this whole 10pm bedtime phase, there have been the 3am horrors. The second one actually came last night. I had another bad night where I had my routine, crashed at 10, and I was up at 3:15am. I actually managed to fall back asleep around 430am and wake up at 530am but of course I feel like garbage now today and just the fact that this happened again scares me. Just glancing at the clock for the split second and seeing that this is still happening, even if just for once or twice, is enough to make me think this is never going to fully go away.
I just don't understand what makes a difference in mornings where I wake up at 4:45am or so and then a night like last night where i'm waking up at 3:15am. It scares me bc it makes me feel like I can easily fall right back into that dark path of 3am wakeups. At this point even though I know its possible, I feel like i might never see the night again where I sleep until my 6am alarm, ever.
Any other pieces of advice? I've also read that aside from making sure you go to sleep at the same time every night that you should also get up and out of bed at the same time every morning, even on weekends. Still a little lost, and frustrated...
Nixy michael94059
Posted
Hi Michael.
I don't think we can ever fully control our sleep patterns, only improve them by doing what you are doing and this is something I am still trying to learn myself.
I know you said you were disappointed when you woke at 3am instead of 5am. I am too, I go to bed at 10pm also, it takes me roughly 1/2 hour to an hour to get off, I tend to wake at 3 also, sometimes I will wake at 1am & I feel gutted ! However, it is NORMAL to wake in the night, I hate it too but it is normal. When you said you fell back to sleep for about an hour at 4.30am but felt like garbage when you woke at 5.30am it maybe because you felt slightly on edge when you went back to sleep that second time & didn't reach deep sleep. Had you have accepted that....ok this is just one of those nights where I have woken too early, relaxed and felt at peace in your mind, you may have drifted into a deeper longer sleep. What time do you have to wake? It's all in the mind, honestly. Tomorrow night, I have a big night out, I don't want to go feeling tired, last Sat night my husband was disappointed as I cancelled a social event as I actually felt so exhausted/anxious/ lightheaded. I could hardly string a sentence together and felt so low, which is not my normal personality. So... I know when I wake in the night tonight, I am under pressure to get back off to sleep as I
Want to feel good tomorrow! Try thinking about anything else but sleep and know that it's normal to wake in the night - the trick is not letting that anxiety creep in. As we master this, I think we will sleep longer, our waking habits will fade away.