Citalopram and Anxiety - keep not feeling like myself?
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I started Citalopram late June, first on 10mg for a week and now on 20mg, because I started to get really bad anxiety that turned into awful intrusive thoughts that made me doubt everything. It got to a point where I couldn't do anything and it was really scary.
I've been on Cit for about 7 or 8 weeks now, and luckily I do feel better than I did. I am able to go out on my own after weeks and weeks of being stuck in the house, and slowly the anxiety and intrusive thoughts began to lessen. I still get the thoughts sometimes but I know they aren't true because my anxiety isn't so high.
However, I keep having moments where I feel really not like myself, like I'm not sure how to describe it??? I feel kind of emotionally numb, like I don't really have any sense of purpose or any sense of who I am, even though I know who I am. I just don't feel like me. I look back at videos of me or pictures and recognise that as me, but can't remember how I felt during that time? I'm not sure whether it's because I was struggling with anxiety and thoughts for so long that now I'm not experiencing it as much, I feel a bit lost?
I've come to notice that when I'm away from home with people I care about, I feel a lot better, and then when I come back home, its like this horrid feeling hits me. Not sure if its anxiety about being back in the place I've been struggling.
Its just quite horrible waking up wondering how I'm going to feel, if i'm going to feel anything at all. Sometimes it gets me quite upset, I find myself wanting to cry about it, like I just want to be back to the girl I was before all this started happening to me. It's like I don't know who that is. Is it a good idea to let myself cry? I'm worried sometimes that it would make me feel worse, that I'm allowing it to affect me.
Could the medication be making me feel this way, and would it be good to change doses? or do I need to wait and see if it improves on the 20mg?
Sorry this is so long but any help would be great. It's awful feeling so numb and lost.
Cookiie x
0 likes, 1 reply
emma31977 Cookiie
Edited
hi cookie
your story seems very similar to mine and im about a month further along than you are. all the feelings you are having are normal anxiety. rather than trying to pick apart every symptom just accept its all anxiety. for me the worse part of feeling like i have over the past few months is not feeling any emotion for my 2 young children. i try not to panic and it does pass.
good news is it gets less and less as time goes on and you will feel mentally fit again.
just relax and enjoy the good days. keep a calendar so you can see your progress and how far you have come.
i think you should give the same dose 12 weeks and try not to be so hard on yourself.