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Citalopram for Anxiety…still struggling after 7 weeks. Would love to hear from some others.

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Chris1979G
Chris1979G

I’ve suffered with anxiety for many years. Since 2005 I’d been taking Citalopram, mainly 20mg. Came off in 2012 but relapsed. In 2020 i began loads of self-care ( mindfulness, breathing, journaling etc.), by Summer 2022 i felt great and slowly came off the tablets. I was great for 8 months and then wham it came flooding back.

Back on Cit. 10mg for 1 week, 20mg for 4 weeks and now 40mg for 10 days. Had to use some Lorazepam here and there for the really difficult moments...don't like to as it can become a habit.

Really struggling with invasive thoughts, fear of it not going away, losing control, losing my family (wife and 2 kids) if i get more ill.

Mornings are worst. Ive had a few good days but it feels like im not progressing.

Would love to hear from someone whose been there and any podcasts or material that has helped.

praying for calmer days to come...

0 likes, 8 replies

8 Replies

  • steve01797
    steve01797 Chris1979G

    Edited

    Hi Chris. How did you feel after the 5 week before progressing to 40mg? Didn't you fancy staying on 20mg. I'm 4 weeks in, new to this, first time on medication but feeling exactly as you do... I am absolutely petrified of never being me again. It's hard to be think of better times... but I've been assured they will come. Yours possibly sooner than mine. 7 weeks in, can't be too long now until you have more and more better days! Steve

    • Chris1979G
      Chris1979G steve01797

      Edited

      Hi Steve. Thanks for replying.

      In the past i've been on 20mg and when had any difficult periods i moved up to 40mg and it helped. As such i was keen to get to 40mg ASAP this time.

      After 5 weeks i wasnt feeling better and was experiencing very strong physical symptoms, waking up feeling full of adrenaline, it was horrid. Felt the move to 40mg might help.

      In hindsight i might have tried Propanalol to reduce the symptoms...which i now have but havent used as yet.

      I hope it helps you to know that i went from the depths of despair in 2005 and with the help of meds i made a full recovery and have lived a full and successful life....

      Sadly success/money etc...doesnt make you immune from this dreadful affliction!

      Hoping for a better day tomorrow.

    • steve01797
      steve01797 Chris1979G

      Edited

      Tomorrow is a new day... the good days will come! So hard to imagine when in the depths of a bad day! I seem to feel better around 8pm even on a so, so day! Hoping that just gets earlier! I still think I'm worse now than pre meds though, assuming that will change in time!

      Keep going Chris! If Lorazepam gives relief, it may be worth it now and again for some much needed respite.

  • nataliya.k
    nataliya.k Chris1979G

    Edited

    Hi Chris

    Let me tell you straight away - you will recover:)

    I would advise to stay on same dose and do not increase for at least 6 months. 20mg is a good dose - give time to settle in your body, every increase will give you side effects - same as from the beginning. Morning anxiety is the worst and stays the longest but it will get less intense and then will disappear. Recovery will go in waves - ups and downs, and "downs" will scare you that you won't recover - its not true, stupid anxiety is tricking you to think that.

    All your thoughts and fears right now just scary thoughts created by anxiety, it is not you and it will pass, just give some time..

    You will be "you" soon again..

    • steve01797
      steve01797 nataliya.k

      Edited

      You always give very reassuring advice! I'm sure it helps more people than just the person you are replying to ... like me!!

    • nataliya.k
      nataliya.k steve01797

      Edited

      Steve i was there, i felt what you are feeling, i have had (and still sometimes have) those fears to never recover or be able to be myself again..You will start to have good moments, than hours, days and then when you think you have recovered you are going to be hit by one of those "blips" - feeling bad and fearful all over again. That feeling will make you forget how good you just felt few days ago. But please don't be scared, it will pass and those "blips" will get shorter and less intense. You will get there, trust me, i was there for very long time 😃 And you will find your happy self again.

      Any time you feel bad - come here and share - i am here always to help

    • Chris1979G
      Chris1979G nataliya.k

      Edited

      Thank you fir your reply. I have experienced this before and come through it, but when you’re in it, it seems impossible and unrelenting.

      It's as though my mind is finding all my weak spots, fears, past mistakes and making me suffer!

      I’m sure things will improve but its such an awful experience.

      Praying for a more peaceful mind.

    • nataliya.k
      nataliya.k Chris1979G

      Edited

      Hi Chris

      yes, that's exactly like that - as soon as you got overwhelmed by those anxious thoughts, feelings you forgetting about good times or feelings, its like you "stuck"in your head, every thought is frighten you. I remember on days like that i was even scared by thought to drink my coffee as it could probably hurt me or increase my anxiety...But it is just thoughts, anxious thoughts and they will pass.

      I would like to give you an idea.. We don't know what is going on with us, this massive amount of thoughts and feelings that we calling anxiety or depression, its just a statement without physical appearance. And as usually we are scared the most the things we can not see, or feel - invisible things. So... give your anxiety "face", give it physical appearance. I know its strange maybe and weird ...hahaha. For example. i gave "face to my anxiety as a little demon child with sharp teeth and messed up hair that growling on me sitting in the corner in the shadow. But i know that that screaming growling child can not leave the shadowy corner, it can not get to me, all it can do just trying to scare me. So as soon as i start to feel bad or anxious, i am imagining this littler demon child trying to scare me - thats exatly what anxiety trying to do - scare you, lost your hope and believe in recovery. And than i am trying to make that demon look funny- putting some funny hat on it, or draw mustaches, something that it makes look ridiculous and funny. And smile no matter how hard it is. And then that scary demon child start stomping his feet because you are smiling and not taking it serious. And slowly it will stop been scary. it will sit in his corner silently.

      I know it might sound crazy to you, but its the way to help yourself and teach your brain to accept this anxiety and do not pay attention to it, going on with your life, continue doing what you was doing before.

      I know it is very hard time now for you, but every day you are getting better even if you dont feel it yet, trust me 😃

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