Citalopram withdrawal after 6 months use

this is my story: I started sertraline back 11th november 2019, wrongly prescribed by one of the GPs when I said I was having trouble sleeping and nightmares etc, no low mood at this point, I had NO issues eith my mental health but trusted my Dr as I'm only 22 and have had no knowledge of antidepressants or mental health prior to this.

I had a severe bad mental reaction to the above medication after just 3 days which resulted in me becoming suicidal and felt disconnected etc etc, then being put straight onto mirtazapine 15mg, along with diazepam as a GP had diagnosed me with anxiety and completley dismissed the sertraline as the cause of the symptoms I was having after taking it, I was fine for 4 weeks then when came off the diazepam and just on the mirtazepine I became extremley anxious abiyt my mental state and started to become suicidal and having really dark thoughts and was not myself and just felt like a stranger in my own life, felt like my brain was shutting down mental health wise and everything else.

I was then immediately put onto citalopram 10mg, on 18th december 2019, along with quetiapine 25mg for "anxiety" and depression, I was doing well for a couple of weeks then went downhill again and became extremley depressed again, resulting in me being signed off work again.

my dosage was upped to 20mg, and quetiapine 50mg at night to slow my anxious and suicidal thoughts. I was then after about a week, fine for almost 4 weeks, which is when I went EXTREMLEY downhill again, became extremley suicidal, contemplated taking all my pills or moving out so my partner and 2 year old daughter dont have to deal with me anymore, as a constantly crying suicidal mess, not functioning, not sleeping,- not eating etc.

it got so bad that we ended up getting our local mental health team intensive service involved becuase I so badly wanted help to not feel that way anymore, as I have everything in life and absolute no reason to have depression or anxiety, i was signed off from work for another month (2.5 months in total so far), and had mental health team visiting me daily.

I saw a phsyciatrist and he upped my dosage of citalopram to 30mg, he said the reason I dipped straight back down was just down to my dosage not being high enough, I trusted this as seemed like a logical explanation and he has been a phsyciatrist for 37 years.

I was then told to take diazepam to calm down my distress over the suicidal thoughts, and help me cope until the new dosage kicked in which the phsyciatrist said to expect small improvements after a week.

I also started propranalol for the physical symptoms of anxiety, after starting the propranalol I was FINE, I was my complete normal self despite still having the mental anxiety, which I believed to be down to the dosage being upped and the propranalol, which I was taking 40mg 3x a day.

I again had 4 very good weeks where I finally thought I was better, I was mega excited to go back to work, I was happy again, I finally truly believed that it was all behind me, I expected to have a bad day here and there but I didnt care as I finally felt better.

then after those 4 weeks I started to get the burning sensation in my chest again, almost exactly 5 weeks after my dosage was upped and 3 - 4 weeks after I had started to feel better, I didnt panic too much, as I thought that it may just be abit of a blip and tried my hardest to convince myself that this didnt mean I was going to become really unwell again.

so i went back to work on 24 march as planned despite me feeling and noticing I was spiralling again, and tried my hardest to just get on with it, this didnt work and now I came massively crashing down again, I called MH team and GP who both said take 1 extra propranalol and diazepam twice a day for couple of days, which I've did that week and was no better and back to square one of being suicidal and basically non functioning again and scared, lost and alone, fearing I'm going to have to quit my job, feeling disconnected from the world around me, not myself again, trapped in my own head and frustrated, extremley upset, feeling like I've let down my employer and my partner and little girl as although I cant help it and was trying my hardest, they simply do not deserve to have to deal with my mental health declining like this every 4 weeks, it's like I get a glimpse of my life back then snatched back away and to say I'm heartbroken is an understatement, I'm not eating, not sleeping and barley functioning again, and unable to concentrate which means I'll have to be signed off again and I'm actually contemplating having to quit my job that I loved so so much.

by the 2nd week of april I was feeling on and starting to feel myself again, this continued and I remained feeling like myself for the next 4 weeks until around 2 weeks ago when I started getting anxious thoughts about my mental health again, then last sunday out of nowhere I woke up and was in absolute tears all day felt VERY depressed, barley functioning.

it has continued to be every 3-5 weeks since november despite me having NO mental health issues before this, I started to believe that it may actually he the tablets causing this, along with a possible hormonal problem triggered by the citalopram as it's always just before I come on my period.

I've spoken to a phsyciatric nurse from our primary care liaison mental health service today, before I even mentioned meds after explaining the whole story of what's happened to me to them, he doesnt think I should he on meds at all, Hes gunna speak to the consultant phsyciatrist but he said hes horrified by the whole situation and he believes it is the medication causing the monthly waves of depression and it could be exacerbating hormones etc he had a really logical explanation for it around how serotonin can actually make hormones worse and actually directly cause issues and unbalances, he wants to plan to do a guided slow withdrawal from all the meds, cos he said the quetiapine antiphsycotic I'm on will also be affecting serotonin and therefore exacerbating it even more, creating more serotonin which isnt always good when your hormones are unbalanced or something like that, as the quetiapine can boost levels of serotonin where it's not needed or something like that, hes gunna call me again next week once hes spoke to the phsyciatrist and also a psychologist, I'm so scared of withdrawals and if the citalopram and all the other meds have actually now caused me to have permanent mental health problems... or if it really is just the antidepressants making me feel this way, as I have a beautiful life and daughter and partner, I almost quit my job this time around, I handed in my notice to my boss but he gave me time to retract it which I've now done on the advice of the phsyc nurse.

when I'm that depressed I become to have suicidal feelings, and like my daughter and partner would be better off without me so mentally unstable etc. when in my right frame of mind it makes me feel sick to even think about that as I know it's not true but when I feel that way I really cant control it and couldnt control the deep painful feelings of sadness and depression for NO reason...

if there is anyone out there who has had a similar situation and has come off the meds and been fine I would really love to hear your story of coming off the meds... I've been on citalopram 6 months in total

0 likes, 9 replies