clinical depression

Posted , 10 users are following.

I think about killing myself all the time. I'm 21 years old and my existance seems pointless and without joy. My depression is overtaking everything I once loved, the same joys now only fill my with emptyness. I envy people who are happy, I hear people laughing, joking at work about how happy they are... I hate this. I sometimes cry in my car on the way to work, this is not a good day. I could tell someone how I feel but being around people makes me feel even more alone. I don't know what else I can do, why doesn't anyone notice me?

I have talked to people in the past but nothing helps.

Today at work, a collegue said she thought 'I was creepy'. This hasn't helped me.

I've never felt so lonely before.

In the words of Albert Camus - “Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?"

p.s I don't like coffee

2 likes, 14 replies

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14 Replies

  • Posted

    Thinking about is pretty common with anxiety and depression in general, its not the same as planning to actually do it.  That being said if depression or anxiety is troubling you more than your comfortable with, see a Dr who should offer meds or therapy or both
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  • Posted

    How long have you been feeling like this?
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  • Posted

    My dad passed away when i was 7 grew up without my parents. My childhood felt like hell 24/7. I fell in love at 7 n i still love her to date bt she is married with a child i did tell her bt she said its too late n she did feel the same a lot of times .bt i was always emotionally messed.. My mum passed away 2 years ago im nw 21. My head hurts all the time i cant get to sleep n i cnt reset. I scared i might go insane bcuz i feel alone cold n too heavy. My head tries to figure too much stuff out bt instead i get angry towards my self n self distruct to a point i cant care. I plan to save enough so that i can end this torture bt i hope something happens to change me bt i very much dought. I get a feeling im drowning. You arent alone i hope this helps u bcuz for me each day n moment is going very slow n worse.
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    • Posted

      N having to live under the fact my father served 7 years in prison due to bieng involved in a murder n eventualy he was insane when he came out of prison.this realy ddnt help
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  • Posted

    I would see your GP as soon as possible. I used to have suicidal thoughts 24/7 and although they have not completely disappeared I'm glad I got to the GP when I did. 

    Good luck and keep safe.

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  • Posted

    Hi, I'm going through the same kind of pleasureless depression as well. I'm a mother and as you can imagine, it makes my job of being a mother he'll with this condition. I cant even feel love. Anything positive at all. A complete nothingness, zombie feeling. My depression however was a result of Mold exposure. It caused inflammation in my brain and caused my depression this joyless depression along with severe fatigue and cognitive problems. this kind of dopamine deficient depression can be caused by many things though. And it's very disturbing and very hard to deal with. It's different from the sadness depression. I mean I am sad all the time because nothing no matter what makes me happy not even my own son. It's not like nothing doesn't make you happy but you have the inability to feel anything pleasurable. So how can that not make one sad. It's called Anhedonia. Some people do well with MAOI antidepressants, Tms therapy or if you got it like me from environmental causes, you need to cut down the inflammation and kill the infection. Anhedonia is he'll on earth and if you don't have it, you will never understand how debilitating it can be. But there is ways to get rid of it but unfortunately you will have to see which way is best for you. I still have it 100%. But I'm on my way of getting rid of it by getting inflammation in my brain down. Good luck.

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  • Posted

    116123 helps to have slme1 there even though it doesn't help bt i could be different for u.

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  • Posted

    HI tom, I've had depression and wanted to kill myself too. One day I asked myself what is the one thing I'd like to do before I die. And the answer was to live in another country. So I put all my energy into leaving my country. And it was very hard. It took some years. I had no money or perspectives. Until one day I got the chance and left in a safe way without breaking any laws. I had no need to leave. I had family, an ok job, I had just the desire to do that. Today, I face problems the same way everybody does but I don't let them make me think I should duty. I'm not saying I had the same type of depression you have. Only a doctor could help you with that. This is just how it worked for me. I hope that helps you!

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  • Posted

    Hi, 

    I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so low, i can completely understand where you are coming from! It was only last night that i tried to take my 3rd overdose in 3 weeks! It is so exhausting the emotional rollercoasters you go through, one day you think you are doing ok and just about hanging in there, and then the next day something can just tip you over the edge and you are the same crumbling mess you were 3 days ago. It is so frustrating and nothing worse.

    In writing this now, i am going through an "ok" phase, one hour ago i was planning another suicie attempt, but i had to go and groom my horse, and being in the fresh air and focussing all my efforts on him relieved me from my nightmare for a good half an hour or so. I know that later on i will be feeling rubbish again, but its those small moments where you feel something, that remind you that life is sometimes worth it. 

    As the saying goes, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, so i can only hope that in time we need to keep believing that we will get stronger and beat this depression and stop the horrible grasp that it has on our lives. 

    I wish you all the best in you recovery. Stay strong. 

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  • Posted

    Hey Tom,

    My best advice to you, which isn't like the other advice you'll be given is to set yourself goals. Things that you want to achieve in life, then write these down and look at them everyday. I felt the reason I was depressed was because I wasn't getting anywhere. I feel if you write down your life goals, or even goals in the near future it will help you out a lot. You will have a path and a journey of success you're ready to take. You know what you want, and you have a path leading to it. 

    For example, you might want to go to the gym and bulk up. Anything like this, will help you tremendously in my opinion. Knowing that you're moving forward, and not backwards will be a great help. It gives you something to work towards, and I think having forfillment and achieving something is a good way to remove this barrier that depression creates.

    Also write a list of everything amazing you've achieved in your life. Whether you were clever, good at sport, great at music, incredible at art, or whatever else you're great at write them down and read this over EVERY day (along with your future goals).

    I think doing this will really help. Feeling you have grinded to a halt, at least in my opinion, is what can cause depression in people (such as what I've had in the past). Hope this can help you, it isn't mainstream advice but certainly works when you feel your life isn't going anywhere.

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    • Posted

      I think your overlooking the fact that a depressed person cannot visualise the future, they have no goals - that's kind of the point. Not sure what self help website you've been browsing,but I think your reading the wrong part of it. Have you just read the sectionon CBT or something equally ridiculous?

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    • Posted

      "I think your overlooking the fact that a depressed person cannot visualise the future, they have no goals " Anyone can visualise a future. No matter how small it is, you can have goals. They might not HAVE goals but you can create them. I posted the same idea about goals to a 16 year old, and he said it helped him tremendously. 

      It isn't rediculous as it has helped me. Also I'm only trying to help, speaking through experience so to be so hostile over me trying to help is simply stupid. It might not work for you, but I'm sure for many it will help. 

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  • Posted

    Hi Tom - so sorry to read of your situation. 21 is such a young age with all your life ahead of you. The thing about suicide is that it is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. One must try absolutely everything before giving up. The first thing to do is to get a counsellor/psychologist with whom you can talk about your depression. If they feel medications are necessary for the interim, they will be able to refer you to a psychiatrist. The meds will help even out your mood and make you approach the issues intellectually rather than emotionally. Meds are no a permanent feature as you will learn coping skills to deal with your unique situation. Remember that counselling will take time, and it is important that you are comfortable with the therapist. Everything you say is confidential.

    Tom, you deserve to be happy and you certainly can achieve that. Your work collegue who said that to you probably doesn't realise how deeply she has cut you. Ignore her. As for Camus - I wonder if you like tea? Be kind to yourself and best of liuck for your future.

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