Cocaine problems/possible addiction with Denile

Posted , 3 users are following.

Hi,

me and my boyfriend have been going out almost a year and I found out a few months ago he has been using coke since we met and hiding it from me. I confronted him about it and he told me when it started and how long it's been going on. He also explained he had taken recreationally before and stopped but started again. He had assured me this was the end of it but I have just caught him smoking coke tonight which he says was his last of it he found and just couldn't through it away so smoked it....can anyone advise on how I can help? He gives me the impression he feels he doesn't have a problem with it as only has occasionally and that is the very last of it....it has been very upsetting and difficult but I want to stay by him and help get through this for both our sakes as we both want to stay together. I thought counselling would help him change his views on drugs and make him aware that it is a problem even if it only small amounts occasionally he has. He doesn't feel he needs counselling as doesn't see he has a problem...Any advice appreciated thanks 😃

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  • Posted

    "He gives me the impression he feels he doesn't have a problem with it as only has occasionally and that is the very last of it....it has been very upsetting and difficult but I want to stay by him and help get through this for both our sakes as we both want to stay together."

    He won't stop or consider the idea of counselling unless he accepts that he has a problem.

    My advice, quick and harsh, would be to give him an ultimatum. Bear in mind however that what he's doing is probably in a social context so in giving him the opportunity to stop, you're effectively taking him away from a recreational activity that involves friends who are close to him. Effectively, in giving him an ultimatum, you'll be asking him to consider making a choice between you and his social network. It's not a case of what he is committed to (you or the drugs), it's you or his friends. Most people don't develop a habit by themselves - it's usually within the company of friends, so remember that.

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    • Posted

      Thank you for getting in touch 😃 when I found out the first time we discussed all this and he has already deleted his contacts and sent out a message we wrote together stating he doesn't want to be apart of anything illegal anymore. His close friends who I know don't do these things and already gave him a hard time about it before we met. Basically to get his finger out his arse and stop! He smokes it alone I know that for sure, and he admitted that too me. I've asked him this time to tell his best friend what's being going on as think he needs someone other than me to get him in the mind set he needs to start thinking of his future. 
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    • Posted

      "deleted his contacts"

      See, this is completely alien to me. I've been considered 'unusual' to say the least because I don't have any names on my mobile phone other than family members, and I don't have a single account for any social media websites. I'm not old either (30) but how I get about contacting people is by physically being in their presence.

      Ultimately, your partner doesn't grow the cocaine himself. He gets it from somewhere, even when he's smoking on his own. That is the tie he has to cut at some point; and only when he realises he has a problem will he be able to get support for it. I think an ultimatum is in order, and if that isn't enough encouragement then he doesn't deserve somebody like you who clearly cares as much as you do, which is a testament to the sort of person you are. Quite admirable, actually.

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    • Posted

      Yeh, I know what you mean there. I got him to unfriend the people he would normally contact for these things and send a message to them all, which surprise surprise none get back in touch as they are not friends which he realises. We are both 30 too and it's just hit me hard he would actually do this to us, again after months not touching it and he finds a small amount in his golf bag yesterday and instead of throwing it away he doesn't want to waste it. Kinda a kick in the teeth really, as he said he thought he wouldn't get found out. I've half mentioned that there something up to his best friend as just not sure he will do it but at the same time I'm worried he will hate me for it, I just want him to tell his friend himself rather than me doing it, he knows that. I am such a caring person and always see the best in everyone even when they do wrong.
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    • Posted

      Is it worth continuing to get hurt over though? Your partner needs to be able to make his own decision in life and accept whatever responsibilities he has. As do you. If he is unable to commit to or accept your ultimatum then it's in your best interest to simply move along.
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    • Posted

      Yeh in know what your saying, I just can't give up on him not yet anyway. He is going to spk to his best friend and tell him everything who already knows what he has been like before we got together, so I'm hoping this helps as if not I will have no other option. I gave him the option I either tel his friend or he does as I can't do it on my own anymore and he needs to realise he has a problem, fingers crossed this time 😃 
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