Coming off of Citalopram

I suffer with anxiety, chronic migraines and mild OCD. I was put on Cit for my anxiety as it was getting out of hand about a year ago. All was fine and I was on a dosage of 20mg. I have gained weight, and I have lost some sex drive which is pretty sh*te if I am honest as I have worked hard to lose weight in the past and the sex drive bit is horrid. But I stayed on them as they were helping. I also take topirimate for my migraines (which are meant to make you lose weight but cit cancels that out) anyway, a few weeks ago I had about 4 weeks of panic attacks. A full melt down of anxiety. Convinced myself my partner was cheating, my kids were going to die, I was going to die, every bad thought I could have I did. I overplayed each of these thoughts till I panicked to the point of collapsing. I knew something had to change or else I would lose everything. So, with discouragement of my partner we went to the doctors, although that took me 2 weeks to build up the nerve. He prescribed me propranolol 40mg to be taken twice a day and told me I needed to speak to someone. I finally admitted I have attachment issues. A huge step for me. My mother died of cancer and my dad disowned when I was a child. I felt abandoned. Never admitted it before, but it made me feel better. I went away with these new tablets and a phone number to call. 

I decided to research the tablets, and they have side effects of weight gain. No way was I going to take them. You can take them as and when you need them if you get into a panic, which is what I am going to do, but I am NOT going to take them daily I am not going to gain weight, and then this got me thinking about my 20lb weight gain over cit and the more it made me focus. I don't need these tablets. They didn't work for me when I had my meltdown. I can do this. I feel so positive for the first time in ages. I miss me. I have become so complacent these days. I can't be arsed to do anything. I think that is down to the tablets. I want me back. I like being busy. I don't like doing nothing. So as of today, I am on 10mg of cit. I halved my tablet and I am coming off of them. I have not told my doctor. I am going to do this myself. I have told my partner. I will go to counselling. I do still need help dealing with my issues but I don't need to be carried along with tablets. I just want myself back. 

I have read about the withdrawals and I am not looking forward to them, but only time will tell. Maybe I might escape them. But I think I will kinda use this as a diary of how I am getting on. 

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