Coming off Olanzapine...

So...heres my journal so far. I was on olanzapine for 6 years,after going through what "Health professionals" NHS called MANIA AND PSYCOTIC SYMPTOMS. I was sectioned for 5 weeks by my family as they were worried about my mania and "psycotic" symptoms.Yes i admit,something happened to me,i was believing a higher power was communicating through me,call it spriritualism,god,jesus,allah, budda...whatever you want to call it,millions of people in the world believe that they are attached to god, budda religion or the universe even going to temples and churches to practice WITHOUT BEING SECTIONED BY THE NHS.At this time i had been involved in a very heavy emotional job,im an actor,and was playing an Aushcwitch prisoner in a concentration camp,in a big production for TV, i lost weight deliberatley and STOPPED EATING PROPERLY to feel and become more in touch with those poor prisoners so i felt and certainly looked right for the role.W e began filming and as we continued over two weeks i began to feel high, i was in this big tv production,inspired,this was an amazing piece of work, i was totally immersed in it,and lived and breathed the role,on stage as well as off "Method Acting"..my behaviour on set started to "worry" some people so i finished 4 days early and was driven home. After that i was still in my zone,happy to be a part of the drama,content with my performance,but they the production company didnt film my last two scenes,i was i guess fired.What was strange is the other actors in their roles were a little safe,a little pretend they were all " acting" i was living it ..so it was a little confusing.So i left the production,feeling confused.No body sat me down to talk, explain or reach me so the whole thing was unclear,under wraps and hush hush..so i like to dance, so i went out clubbing for 5 days to dance, meet and greet and raise my profile.Being seen in the dance clubs. I was taking ecstacy during these 5 days so was even higher than before. I was at home with my family when an ambulance arrived nobody discussed anything with me, and i was taken off to a secure NHS unit.Which confused me even more.Now, it is obvious my induced "Mania" was due to the strains i had put myself through acting and DRUG INDUCED exctasy id been taking,i dont remember if i even told the NHS THAT ID BEEN TAKING EXCSTACY. Anyway 5 weeks later, sectioned after being, injected,forced to take lorazapam,grappled to the floor,put in a cell with a big iron door and basically being "treated" by people NHS staff that went reliable,wernt on the facts of my case. They gave me a handwritten written report from psychiatrists which i asked for and it was full of factual errors about my " Condition" who i was, what i did for a living, and everything else connected with my life.They even spelt my name wrong in these papers, it was riduculous. I felt like i was some  sort of "experiment" to educate the staff. The head psycharitrist even brough new health professionals in to talk to me, new recent graduates, to see me, the freak, the conundrum the puzzle. They could not reach a conculsion.I know now...after 6 ears of study with my " condition" it was DRUG INDUCED after being part of a hugely stressful emotional piece of work, the combination of these two factors pushed over into mania.So i was "diagnosed" BI polar left the hospital and was on OLANZAPINE. Which i took for 6 years Terrified that i was a psycotic and scared i would flip out. After 6 years of being un happy,carrying this diagnosis around with me, taking tablets every day everything got too much and i went to see a PSYCHOTHERAPIST privately and have been with him for 12 months.I have been off olanzapine for 6 weeks now and have seen a marked improvement. I have lost weight,iam brighter,i sleep less,i dont feel sedated,im not sleeping the 14,15 16 hours i have been doing for 6 years,i can look people in the eye, im not underconfident anymore,im still drinking alcohol but have cut out recreational drugs out my life forever,i have meditated, cut out all the people in my life that i attracted while i was sedated because while i was believing there was something "wrong with me" the people who were in my life were people who pitied me,who tried to "look after me" who were more mentally ill than i have ever been. Im feeling good, focused, i look better, dropped weight my brain feels clear healthy and im starting to get my sex drive back, i didnt have sex for sometime 3 years at a time and saw other human beings as enemies. Not anymore, i feel ready, able, intelligent and as bright as i did 6 years ago when i was happy and PRESC DRUG FREE....ill keep you posted. MUCH love to you..xxxx

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