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First time that I have ever posted anything ever so very new at this. I have had depression for 10 years and after relapsing last year was put on 75mg venlafaxine. This was then quickly increased by my psychiatrist to 150mg and then 225mg. Although the 225mg dose actually eased the depression and anxiety (the only medication that has ever done this) it also left me devoid of any feelings really at all. I was like a zombie and exhausted and my personality had just gone. The doctors also told me that there was basically nothing else they could do for me and that I should just take the pills, quit work and stay at home. I refused to give up work and gave up on doctors who advised me that if I wanted further treatment I would have to pay private but to let them know if I was to harm myself. That is messed up! I realised that me and my partner were on our own medical wise and my trust in doctors all but vanishe. I started to feel better mentally and so decided to come off venlafaxine. I started to reduce my dose gradually in January and each drop in medication resulted in flu like symptoms that after 1-2 weeks tapered off. My doctors disagreed with my decision but i finally took my last tablet on Sunday 1st June. Then hell began. I was expecting it to be bad as I could tell from the reductions I had done that it was a hard drug to come off but nothing could have prepared me for this. I had taken a weeks annual leave from work in anticipation and thankgoodness I did. Sickness, nausea, diharrhoa, stomach cramps, headaches, bile rising up into my throat, shaking, temperature, pouring with sweat 1 minute then freezing cold the next, brain zaps, swooshing sounds in my ears, my whole body jolting uncontrollably, extreme restlessness, insomnia and realy itchy sensitive skin AND THAT WAS JUST THE PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS. Contant uncontrollable crying and hysterics, really dark thoughts, awful mood swings, panic attacks. I feel like I have been possessed and I don't even recognise myself when I look in the mirror. Nothing eases it, I have tried painkillers, breathing techniques, baths, distraction (I can;t concentrate at all). In desperation I went to the doctor and was told "I told you so" and that if I had done it their way then I would of had no withdrawal symptoms at all if I came off it when they deemed it was appropriate. I was then told to go back on it. I refused as why on earth would I put myself back on a drug that does this to you and I wasn't about to come off it again and go through this hell again. So then I was given 2mg diazapam and was sent away. I told the doctor though that pills were pointless as I wasn't keeping anything down and so that was a huge waste of time. The truth is doctors don't understand mental health and there isn;t enough funding in this country to provide adequate help and resources. I went back to work last monday (9th) and lasted 2 hours before having to come home. The physical symtoms have improved maybe 10 % but the mental withdrawal is worse than ever. To be honest, I don't know what else to do and would be really grateful for any advice. Thanks.
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