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I bought an apartment. I'm blinded by the flaw in it. I'm depressed.

Posted , 5 users are following.

manindublin
manindublin

I have a history of anxiety/depression since I was 17. I'm now 42. I have a decent career. I'm single with no children.

I bought an apartment. It took me a while to buy. By the time I did, I paid more than i would have earlier but prices are still rising and it's currently worth more than I paid and I would expect prices to keep going up for a good while. 

I thought buying the apartment would make me happy but quite soon after moving in I was not happy with the orientation. It is North West facing living area so you only get the sun in the last quarter of the day (the flaw). It has loads of other things going for it; space, location, condition, well proportioned, but I can only see the flaw. I could have bought an identical one facing South for €10K more at the time and I regret I didn't. 

I see a counselor. I see a psychiatrist. I take meds. I feel there is a depression there that will not go away with external acquisitions such as acquiring an apartment. I also feel I have obsessed about the flaw as if it was the cause of all my unhappiness, when in fact I felt like this before I moved and for most of last 2 years - I think I am projecting my unhappiness onto one thing, the flaw. I have tricked myself into thinking if the apartment was bathed in light all day long I would be truly happy. It is really hard to step back and say, this isn't just about the apartment, this is about me. 

I have worked with my counselor to try not to obsess about the flaw, to try and starve it of attention, to try and focus my energies on something new, positive.

I do a lot to alleviate the depression. I go to a psychotherapist, I take medication (we have tried various different meds and combinations over last 1.5 years), I do exercise. I fear that unless a new medication prescribed works better I might stay the same.  

Can people help? Can they identify with this? Would love to hear similar stories you might have.

 

2 likes, 9 replies

9 Replies

  • sam18386
    sam18386 manindublin

    Posted

    Hi maindublin, I think part of you is lucky to have a flat in Dublin, I am jealous!  You need to readjust to your new space I think and make it your own.  Location you can't do anything about, you're in one of the world's most vibrant cities, one of the most lively and indeed I think one of the best!  Enjoy it where you are and if it's yours and it's permitted and your allowed get a dog, great things for depression or cats, they are proven to help mental health and bring out the endorphins that make us feel good.  Enjoy your life paint the flat in bright colours and put some nice things in it you'll enjoy.  And you don't like Dublin?  I can't think why!!

    • manindublin
      manindublin sam18386

      Posted

      Thanks Sam. Must think about the dog thing more, I love dogs. No I have no issue with the location of the apartment and I have no issue with Dublin. The thing about the apartment I am unhappy with is it's orientation/aspect being North West. It is not bathed in sunshine when the sun is shining, To others it sounds like a small thing but my mind has made it into a very big thing. 

  • gisela99920
    gisela99920 manindublin

    Posted

    I'm sorry you are not feeling well. I think what's got hold on you is the other apartment perhaps you are visualising too much of you being inside of the other property. Have you actually been inside the south facing property? If you haven't even though the other property is south facing it might not be as good as the property you have for example it could be smaller, less space, not good proportion if you think of it this way it may make you feel better with the home you you've got your apartment sounds great.

    perhaps you can make your apartment brighter by having more lights around to brighten the place up. Spot lights are pretty good and there are lights that can mimic sunlight. If you like scented candles they can help too. 

    I think doing exercise is great because it'll help to relax you. 

    • manindublin
      manindublin gisela99920

      Posted

      Thanks Gisela, I found this really helpful. Yes I have been visualising me in the other apartment, blissfully happy, totally relaxed. I have made the light issue  in my apartment the sole cause of my unhappiness when in reality it's been a really really tough year and half for me mental health wise, the toughest for more than 15 years. In the last few days I am starting to like my apartment that little bit more. I am starting to see it compares really favorably for what else I might have got for the money. I think the South facing apartment is not as sun filled as I imagine. The rooms are long so even when the sun shines it only gets a bit of the room. They are not modern apartments and light was not a priority but they are big. 

      I am really keen to get the lighting right to make it like daylight. I am looking for an electrician who is good at this. 

  • dee06451
    dee06451 manindublin

    Posted

    Hi, I think I would rather have a place that got the sun late in the evenings as sunshine all day can make an apartment very warm. I love the evening sun as you get to enjoy sunsets. If you work during the day then you will only be home in the evenings but if you do not work then I presume you feel the place is not bright enough. When the weather is bad then no matter what direction you are facing you are going to see the rain. Make your space your own and try to be happy that you own a property and that there is so much that you can do to make it a home. If you were not so focused on the way it faces would you still be unhappy about something else. Don`t look on it as a flaw , look at it as being a cosy place without constant sunshine blinding you every hour of the day. And yes dogs are a great way of taking the focus off ourselves as we have someone else to care for and they are great company. Coming home to an excited dog with its tail wagging with happiness is the best feeling ever. Take care.
    • manindublin
      manindublin dee06451

      Posted

      Thanks Dee. Yes I do work in the day and come home in the evening. I live in a rainy country.  The way my mind was working I might well have found another problem if not this one. When I am depressed, my depression can make me think all my woes arise from X, when really X has a small part to play if any. 

       

    • dee06451
      dee06451 manindublin

      Posted

      I agree with you that Ireland is a rainy country but it is a beautiful one. We are all guilty of fixating on something when we are fed up, I think sometimes we just do not want to confront the area of our lives where the real problems lie as it may overwhelm us so we pick on something that we really have no control over. Enjoy the sun when you see it as it is highly unlikely you will be needing sunglasses over the next week..lol , take care of yourself and even if you do not get a dog you could always volunteer at a local dog pound to walk dogs as they are always looking for help, and you might find the dog of your dreams.
  • wayne1962
    wayne1962 manindublin

    Posted

    Hi Man In Dublin - I was wondering how long you have lived there? The sun shifts with the seasons. You have also stated that the price of your property keeps rising. Would selling it be an option? Perhaps in the future when the price further inflates? Would thinking that the property is now a temporary situation and the aim is a monetary win and the purchase of a more suitable property be helpful? I know this seems a drastic action, but if you feel you will never be happy with the flaw you perceive, can never accept it, then leaving it behind might be the better option.

    What you have written is absolutely correct: material possessions will never alleviate innate psychological issues. They will exist no matter what you wear, look like, or what you own. All those things are band aids that might hide the wound temporarily, but beneath it still festers. You are doing the right thing in dealing with it medically and professionally. I hope you find the answer you can be comfortable with.

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