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Am I already dead and in a sort of hell?

Posted , 2 users are following.

reganlove41
reganlove41

ok so i attempted suicide December 2015, it was pretty bad.. things have been alright up until last August when my mom. passed away.. then I started having some crazy health issues, I hurt all the time, they say it's fibromyalgia, but I don't think it is.. I hurt bad all the time down into my bones.. In July of this year my dad unexpectedly passed away at 56.. since then I have been having crazy nightmares and lucid vivid dreams, I wake up at least once an hr, when i can even get to sleep at all.. i have been noticing so many different things that just make me think that I'm dead already.. I hit a huge deer the other week, i remember barely tapping him, but he was splattered all over the road.. I have been seeing this one raven in my yard for weeks at least 2x a day.. I don't want to tell my family cuz I'm afraid they will feel sad and think I'm crazy.. but I really think that I die, I keep trying to pinpoint when it happened, and that alone is so stressful! I need major advice!

0 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • kathy00684
    kathy00684 reganlove41

    Posted

    Oh my goodness! I am so very sorry for your losses! It's very heartbreaking to read all that you are going through.

    I have had a lot of losses and tough times. And as I read your post, it jarred my memory to a time when I felt that nothing was real. And that was a very frightening time. It isn't quite the same as feeling dead like in your case, but it was frightening because I wasn't sure anything...even myself was real.

    I too was afraid to talk about it. I am not sure when it stopped or how long it lasted, but it thankfully did go away. I can't remember if I finally told my best friend or any details of how I came out of it which isn't helpful to you right now. I just wanted to let you know you are NOT CRAZY!

    Looking back, I lost my family (husband and my nephew that was like a son and living with us) in a day. I think it all was way too much for me to handle...and my new reality was hard to grasp. And so maybe it was my brains inability to process it all.

    I hope someone else responds to your message that may be able to help you more. I just want to give you a big hug! Your post has deeply touched me and I just want to hug you and tell you that you are not crazy and that what you have gone through is so very very hard.

    I do hope you will think of one safe person to talk to...someone wise enough and loving enough to hold onto you and walk beside you in this dark journey. I know my best friend walked many years with me through it all. Just can't remember if I told her...most likely I did.

    I hope that you keep on talking...never think you are crazy...and be kind to yourself, it is a very hard thing that you are dealing with.

    You will be on my mind for sure!! So glad you at least wrote this and posted. Again I am so sorry for your losses.

    • reganlove41
      reganlove41 kathy00684

      Posted

      Miss Kathy... thank you so much for your kind words!I went to church for the first time in 5 years today, I cried, a lot, I think I will try and keep going on sundays

    • kathy00684
      kathy00684 reganlove41

      Posted

      I was praying for you today! Now I will pray that people walk beside you and with you and help you find your way out.

      You are quite a fighter to go to church after 5 years of not going!!

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