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Communication is key

Posted , 2 users are following.

shaza02116
shaza02116

So, I can relate to most of the posts. My boyfriend of 6 weeks is not aware of the fact that he may have a mild form of either Asperger’s or Autism. He has all the symptoms posted here and in other articles. I have a son with Special needs and he does not have Autism but I started seeing the signs 3 weeks into dating him but ignored them. It’s only with our recent break that I decided to look it up. We have been dating for 6 weeks and in that time we have had 3 disagreements and twice now we have broken up. The first time we made up but the second time around (which is now) he asked me if we could place a hold on our relationship to give him time to overcome how I hurt him. The problem is I have no idea what I said or did to make him hurt. I have no desire to hurt him emotionally or otherwise but for some or other reason I keep doing it. I have tried to communicate with him to find out what it is that is causing him pain. I am in love with him and he has told me that he loved me from the day he met me. I am a nurturer and I am more than happy to take this on but if he cannot communicate with me then I am not sure I can remain on this emotional roller coaster. Each time we have broken up has been HELL for me and I am in HELL right now. Monday he told that this was too much and his calling it quits and said goodbye to me. Tuesday I had an emergency issue and texted him and told him I needed him and he called me immediately and pretty much spent the day making sure I was ok.  At the end of the day I asked him what about us and he said you know after what you said and the way you hurt me I was not planning on ever talking to you again and you know I love you but I need time to get over this, let’s place out relationship on hold for a few weeks and then see what happens. He encouraged me that he knows it will be hard for me but that I could do it. That was the last time I spoke to him. Out of respect for him I have not called or texted he and he have not reached out to me either. Once again I have no idea what it is that I am doing that is causing him pain and I wish I could find a way to have him explain it to me. He keeps telling me that he has already told me several times and I keep doing it and he finds that disrespectful. I have no desire to hurt him and if I am hurting him unintentionally then I would rather move on that hurt him again.

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2 Replies

  • Elizabeth45918
    Elizabeth45918 shaza02116

    Posted

    Hi 

    I am so sorry to here of your problems and felt I needed to answer your post

    I have been with my partner for over 18 yrs now he lives in my house with me he is 60 and has 3 children all grown up the middle son is about 25 and has Aspergers he had a breakdown last year but is now on a psychotic medicine and is doing a lot better now 

    Anway over the years I realised my partner had some "Funny ways and ideas on 

    various everyday issues" so i read everything I could find on the internet about Aspergers and realised my partner has it too not to such a bad degree as his son though as he still has a good job and works full time but never the less he definately has it I pestered him for ages to see the doctor and get properly diagnosed which he did eventually about 18 months or so ago now 

    The doctor referred him to speak to someone and I went with him and yes he has I think they called it moderate Aspergers just as I thought he had 

    When I read about it children who have it and most often it is boys get it passed on through the fathers side which I found quite interesting 

    Anyway my partners traits are he is very sensitive to noise and when we go away we have to have a detached cottage so we do not hear noise from the neighbours he doesnt like textures of some foods and could never touch raw meat or fish or cannot go near raw eggs he will eat all this when I cook it but walks away when he sees it raw He got himself a plastic crereal bowl as it doesnt feel cold to handle like the china ones !

    Other traits are he finds it quite difficult to communicate with some people unfortunately his boss too but then he is not the easiest boss either ! He finds it much easier to get along with animals particularly our 4 Persian cats which he loves he also has a terrible problem with road rage and if someone does something stupid on the road or is in the fast lane and is going slow he will flash them up with his headlights and if they retaliate he will wave his fist at them it scares me they will come after him one retaliated recently pulled up along side us and then veered their car almost into us !

    Just wanted you to see the sort of traits people with Aspergers have however everyone is different and if I was you I would definatly get him to see his doctor and ask to be referred to speak to a specialist to get some help on his issues 

    people with this problem are hard to live with and also do not really open up and talk much about this which is not very helpful as you cannot find out what the problems are but I would not struggle on as you are and if he really thinks a lot of you he will seek help hope I have helped a little do let us know how you get on 

    • shaza02116
      shaza02116 Elizabeth45918

      Posted

      Thank you for your response and your encouragement. I hope that things continue to get better with you and I am thankful that even though he has Asperger’s that you guys are still able to have a good relationship. I know it will have its ups and downs and at least he is able to admit and even have himself tested. The guy I am with may never do that and since I am only the GF of 6 weeks I do not feel it is my place to tell him that he may have a mild form of either Asperger’s or even Autism. I am not a doctor and I can only go on what I have seen and he certainly has all the symptoms of it. Since, I posted this we have talked and even made up. Not something I did just have not heard from him. He goes in spurts like he needs to talk to me 24/7 then all of a sudden nothing. He wants to see me 24/7 then all of sudden his gone for days or even weeks like now. It’s rather painful for me and I want to understand, or even need to understand but at this point this is too much of an emotional roller coast. He says he loves me and up until a week ago I believed he did, but I also believe actions speak louder words. We had plans for him to see me Friday (he told me he was tired), he was supposed to see me Saturday (he said he was tired and I understood), then Sunday we were supposed to see each other and once again the plans got changed without talking to me. We have not seen each other in over 2 weeks and right now I am worried about him because I am not sure if something had happened to him. I love him, I really do and I want to see him and be with him but I don’t see it or feel it from his side.  I’ve decided starting today I am no longer going to call to text him and I refuse to worry about him but I do and I am right now.
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