Posted , 13 users are following.
I am alone for New Years Eve.
I am sitting at home completely by myself. I don't even know where to begin with how I am feeling right now.
I have a constant ache in my chest, my fingers are aching, I am on the verge of constant tears.
I have a partner (maybe had), and we had an argument last night about their tendancies to sneak off to the pub. Me being me said I want them to leave me alone and only contact me again once they have their priorities in order.
I have not heard anything since.
I am now trying to come to terms with spending tonight by myself and starting the New Year alone.
Right now I feel like I have no one. No friends have reached out to me. No partner who cares. No family who are present.
Last night I felt close to ending my life, closer than I have ever been. I wrote a suicide note, I collected all the medications in the house and lined them up. I did not go through with it, because I promised myself I would make one final push for the morning. The morning has been and gone and I am hurting so much I feel like each breath is ripping the hole in my chest further open.
No amount of Google searches on how to spend tonight alone has helped. The advice given is meaningless. I read it and feel nothing.
'Read a book' - I cannot sit still
'Call a friend' - I have no one
'Watch TV and order pizza' - I am sick of TV and I have no appetite
Meaningless to me.
For the past 3 hours I have paced around the house feeling empty and lost. I stand in each room and gaze around and then return to my bed to hide.
I wish I could build the courage to end my life. It feels like the better option.
Is anyone else feeling like this? Has anyone else gone through this?
I need some words from those who truly understand. I need someone to ease my mind.
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