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Complicated situation - Need some advise

Posted , 7 users are following.

hex101
hex101

Hey everyone,

I had been diagnosed with HSV2 about 8 months ago. Have had 2 outbreaks, second 1 was very minor and went away in no time with no medication about 3-4 months ago and have had nothing since, even the ichtyness which was the common symptomp I had, has now stopped and happens once in a week or so that I barely even notice other than that Im better than before, have always been healthy and I guess this was just unfortunate but the price I paid for being silly and fooling around with the wrong people.

I have since than been educating myself about the virus and haven't slept with anyone ever since. My behind was what got infected, I also did a swab test for my penis and came clean (not sure if that matters).

Recently a girl has rather shown some interest and often asked to join for drinks after work, I thought she likes me so I started talking to her more and eventually asked her out.

We went out and later was invited to her place. I in no contest could see myself telling her this early in besides it was a great night and got very intimate I did not want to ruin her moment but also wasnt too sure If I could trust her so I took the risk and we had sex, I may have acted selfish but I do see her as a keeper, even though that may sound silly for me to conclued.

Anyways what I want to ask:

Having been infected in the anal area and from my understanding about the virus its transmitted during sexual intercourse, however It can also sometimes be tranmitted when the virus is shedding (being on the surface). 

I intend to use protection and perhaps take medication just to reduce the chance even further if possible though would you guys think that would be wise?

She does want to meet again but shes not after anything serious...I do intend on telling her but kinda worried too it can make things bad at work if it goes bad....

I appreciate your input on this.

Thanks,

Hex

 

0 likes, 20 replies

20 Replies

  • katie42587
    katie42587 hex101

    Posted

    Personally I think if you intend on sleeping with her again you need to tell her and make sure she knows the facts/risks etc so she can decide for herself.

    Imagine how p*ssed you'd be if you found out someone had knowingly put you at risk of catching something without your knowledge and try to imagine it from her point of view.

    Chances are that if you talked her through the risk factors and explained the likelyhood of you transmitting it to her she may understand and it will all be fine. But that really does need to be her decision and not yours.

    • hex101
      hex101 katie42587

      Posted

      Yeah I'm thinking the same thing. If I intend on sleeping with her again sure will def tell her and explain/guide her about it...answer any questions shes got.

      Better late than never anyways and how she reacts thats gonna be a different story.

      Thanks

       

  • flawbeautifully
    flawbeautifully hex101

    Posted

    My first question is y did u think it was ok to sleep wwith her unprotected knwing u hav herpes?

    Im not scolding but that was wrong u took her choice away as did someone took mines because they were horny!!!! Now when u tell her she will b scared upset and angry cuz she may have it....jst because our life is complicated doesnt give us the right to mak others feel wat we felt that first initial time...

    All u had to do was pull out a rubber and u wont b in this situation and on top of that u guys were jst having a fling isnt this how u got HERPES in the first place......u hav to b smarter than this outbreak or not your still contagious

    Please tell her and please start protecting yourself against others and protect others against you

    • feelbroken
      feelbroken flawbeautifully

      Posted

      Sweetie, condoms only provide 30-50% protection from herpes, so he still has the responsibility to disclose condom or not.

      I understand all too well it stinging when you read the selfish actions of another individual, because it was done to you, as it was to me. My guy knew he had it and chose to lie to me anyway, because sex was more important to him.

      At the end of the day, nobody has a right to worry obky about their feelings in being rejected and not worry about putting someone else in the same position as them. It is selfish and I agree w you flaw beautifully.

      .if he comes back and attacks you, don't take it personal and just blow it off...usually when you tell someone they are wrong for doing something that is really wrong, they usually get angry on this site and tey to deflect, villanize you and make themselves the victim, because you simply pointed out their wrong doing. So let it be water off your back darling if he does. <3>

    • hex101
      hex101 flawbeautifully

      Posted

      I dont recall saying it was ok, I concluded;- taking the risk wasn't a big one.......looking at the big picture of course.

      The virus doesnt cause any major health problems including cancer, I've heard a lot and read alot - people live perfectly normal lives WITH IT and I'm experiencing it now....Its really the stigma. I wasn't told either, Yeah I'm p*ssed but whatever...gotta move on!

      I dont think I slept with her because I was horny lol, I didnt sleep with anyone since the ob, pleasure was def not my intention, She was just so fierce and intimate I didnt want to ruin it. 

      Afterall I think its rather cold telling someone you're not looking for anything serious after they've slept with you....dont you think? 

      Whether to disclose or not is an ethical issue for each individual and perhaps understand the circumstances prior to concluding is a good idea. 

      I was intending to tell her, I've just never come across a woman who  sleeps with guys on the first date...that is still a shock to me and I surely know I dont her enough to disclose that early in.

      Thanks for your input I appreciate it, though can you please spell words correctly next time I often feel like I'm talking to kids with such grammer smile

       

    • feelbroken
      feelbroken hex101

      Posted

      Come on dude!? You cannot be serious that you are continuing to minimalize the risk you have put her in!? Don't assume it is harmless, because you don't know what her health conditions are! I have autoimmune diseases, that made it very hard to control this virus, it triggered chronic fatigue syndrome in me! I am 33 and can't even walk in a park for 4hrs w out being bone fatigue tired, sleep for 15hrs and still take days to recover! Diabetics deal w h*ll from this! God forbid someone ever even get cancer and had to have their immune system suppressed from treatment or an organ transplant. This disease will unleash h*ll upon them! So how dare you make the choice based on your opinion of risk! Someone w that mentality you are showing, is someone who will continue to do this again and people like you deserve to be in jail. I had severe debilitating neuropathy from this virus for months! I felt like a burn victim and clothes touching my buttock and legs was unbearable. So don't you dare minimalize it for a second on what it will be like for someone. You need to look at yourself in the mirror and be real honest about the rotten part of you inside and figure out how to change that.

      Please, you just met the girl, that's not intimacy that is lust and it still does not justify it. Real intimacy being experienced between two individuals, can share something private and important about their health, yet it wasn't too soon to get naked and scr*w!? Reality check! BS alert! We can read right through it! I wouldn't and didn't even go off stating what I wanted to the first time, but your blatant and arrogant disregard for someone else's health and the things you said, was the straw that broke the camels back. It's disgusting. Go back and read all this over and over and if you have even an iota of a soul, you'll see how bad you sound. Just remember bro.... Karma..

    • hex101
      hex101 feelbroken

      Posted

      Well said.

      Defidently a wake up call, I guess I've been trying to be positive about it all this time and things have got good I have forgotten what It was like to have it, let alone how another persons body will react to it.

      Thanks for your wise words - must say I have been ignorant about it so Kudos to you!

      Karma.....I just hope it wont sting too hard.

      Anyways, I'll tell her and see how it goes.

      Peace out.

    • feelbroken
      feelbroken hex101

      Posted

      Well I'm glad you took that very well I must say I am impressed. Had you been a female, you'd likely unleashed a wave of fury... They'll freak over absolutely anything. . and I'm a girl, saying that. ;-)

      I think being positive is a nice way to look at it, but I think it is more putting a spin on it and probably more like denial. I do not say that condescendingly either, I say it because, I think it is a natural defense our minds create, in order to make a circumstance, more tolerable. It takes a lot of self reflection at times, to decipher between the two. It's not easy for any of us to accept a condition we have no control over, had no choice over and it can be very daunting to the human psyche.

      Karma only happens when you never take responsibility and lack any remorse for said actions. You are on the right path my friend, just from this response back from you, and I am very proud of how you are absorbing it and thinking deeply about the consequences. That is the true test of ones character, so be proud of that.

      She really sounds into you, so I feel if you provide her the info from that site, she may feel a lot more comfortable w it. If she has any questions or concerns, tell her she can feel free to pm me or you even if you want me to answer any questions for you two.

      I care so deeply, because men tend not to have such severe obs as women and I watch the daily posts and try to respond to every single one. It is heart breaking when you hear young girls wanting to die because of this diagnosis and pleading on how to make the pain stop. I don't think you can fathom how bad the pain is for women, especially just trying to use the bathroom, due to pur anatomy.

      Just remember to come from a place of total vulnerability. Explain how much you felt a connection w her and you hadn't felt that way in a long time and you were so caught up in the moment and you are so terribly sorry... So much so, that you wanted to come clean and provide her w all the necessary information on this because you do respect her and want to do your best to protect her.

      That moves women... Vulnerability brings our walls crashing down. So show that... Show your fear .. Women are by nature very nurturing and want to sooth whenever they see pain and fear in someone. DO NOT SAY THE STUFF YOU SAID ON HERE. You sounded like a j*rk and I have a suspicion that at the core of who you are, that is not who you really are.

      So good luck on the disclosure. Feel free to pm anytime and let me know how it went!

    • flawbeautifully
      flawbeautifully hex101

      Posted

      The way i spell my words has nothin to do with your dishonesty its ppl lik you who the world needs to watch out for.....jst like the rest of us you couldve at least wore a condom no matter of the 50/50 chance at least you tried to spare her i commend you for nothing...

      You know what you have and you didnt care thats pretty damn selfish if you asked me outbreak or not!!!!!....and yes i am young 26 actually and i have herpes 2 because someone like you fail to inform me of their lifelong health defect.....you not telling her shouldnt hav anything to do with her being aggressive and you not wanting to ruin the moment thats a poor excuse....

      And if Herpes doesnt inconvenience your life enough hopefully your ignorance will😡😠👿

  • rickysg
    rickysg hex101

    Posted

    Pardon me, how did you get the infection at anal?
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken rickysg

      Posted

      Read my post Ricky, it will explain how the virus works and can pop up anywhere in the anogential region, once infected from sexuak intercourse... Even w no anal intercourse. Happened to me and several other females on here.
    • rickysg
      rickysg feelbroken

      Posted

      Thanks feelbroken.  You have very helpful in both sharing of knowledge and affirming others.  Is this just for HSV2 or HSV too? 
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken rickysg

      Posted

      If you have HSV1 on the genitals, you can cut those percentages in half almost, as the virus doesn't shed as much in the genitals.
  • feelbroken
    feelbroken hex101

    Posted

    It does not matter that you broke put only in the anal area. I have never had any sort of anal contact and I have broken out there. The sacral ganglia where herpes hides out in, has a web of peripheral nerves going to the anogential region. That means genitals, anus, buttock, pelivis and even upper thighs. So once the virus has established infection in the sacral ganglia, you are now diagnosed w genital herpes. At means yiu can spread it w your genitaks and regardless of where you have the active ob, you are likely shedding active virus from other locations on your genitals.

    I'm sure I do jot have to tell you, to know what you did was wrong and you have put her at risk. Condoms will only provide 30-50% protection from herpes or HPV, as they do not cover the entire genital area or the bade of the penis.

    You can share w her the following transmission risks male to female, which are higher than female to male. These transmission risk numbers are based under the following caveats: abstaining from sex during any signs or symptoms. Having sex 2-3xs a week for a yr.

    - no use of condoms or meds: 10%

    - use of meds or condoms: 5%

    - use of both: 2.5%

    Obviously as you know, most of us have become infected during no signs or symptoms by someone who lied to us or was asymptomatic and did not know of their infection.

    Google H opportunity. It has a disclosure pamphlet you can print out and give to a partner. It has the latest and most up to date info on herpes and videos on how to prepare you for disclosure. I think having something printed out in an easy to read format is so much easier on disclosure.

    • hex101
      hex101 feelbroken

      Posted

      Hi,

      Yeah no doubt was wrong....but I kinda explained it above...Fyi.

      Those stats....are they the rate of transmitting? 

      Thanks I did google it  - very informative, will print it out for her.

       

    • feelbroken
      feelbroken hex101

      Posted

      Your explanation is irrelevant... It was selfish.. Anyway,

      Yes, those are for the rate of transmission

    • feelbroken
      feelbroken hex101

      Posted

      Your explanation is irrelevant... It was selfish.. Anyway,

      Yes, those are for the rates of transmission .

    • sweeetpea
      sweeetpea hex101

      Posted

      You should have told her, and this is coming from a girl who wasnt told anything about it.and just got that horrible call from the dr. My life just got flipped upside down. I dont see the point in willingly doing this to anyone.
    • flawbeautifully
      flawbeautifully sweeetpea

      Posted

      I totally agree...there is nothing acceptable about this discussion, its upsetting and off putting....this hurts to read the fact you knew the whole time is disgusting
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