Concerned about my situation

Thank you for the response. I am curious though about how I should take the fact that I was not told. I understand that it can be a difficult thing to talk about and now that I know I feel more connected to this person. We have a great relationship that has been very open about everything else. How should I talk about it? Should I ask questions? I don't want to make this person feel pressured into discussing it and right now I just feel like I don't know what I don't know. I did a bunch of research after I found out and I know I need to talk more about it with this person but I am not sure what to ask. Any advice?

Well, I think obviously being I was lied to, that not being told is horrible. When I got herpes, I never felt like telling was an option... There was no option in my mind to tell, or not to tell. There's one choice... Ans that's to give another a choice in the matter. It absolutely is difficult to talk about. I ran into an old flame four months after infection, when he came back from deployment. He was saying all these things like he's changed, he wants to make me happy, give him a shot, I'm the type of girl he'd marry, blah, blah blah ans I remember struggling to hold back tears and asking him if we coukd just enjoy the evening, I didn't want to have serious conversations. The entire time he was talking, I kept feeling more and more guilty. It was like after each compliment he gave me, an inner voice would say if you only knew, if you only knew what I had, you wouldn't think this. At the end of the night long story short, I ended up balling my eyes out and telling him in a parking lot. I said you wouldn't want me if you knew what I had. I watched it register on his face and he asked me if I had herpes and I said yes. It took 6 months for me to not even feel guilty like I have no business even fkiting w someone. If you date someone, it's constantly in your mind. You fear they'll make a herpes joke or you'll see one on tv. The amount of psychological anguish someone experiences from the stigma and dear of rejection is crippling.

Even w all that said, at the end of the day, giving someone a choice comes before my embarrassment and fears. I wouldn't even let myself get that far cooking around w someone, especially if alcohol is involved, so as to make sure no whooopsies happen from bad clouded judgement. I personally feel it is a selfish thing to do, but we are humans and we all make mistakes.

She does need to talk about it. Be aware, most people are not properly educated on it, even the ones who get it and even doctors aren't. If you think everything else is great, I wouldn't let this stop you from pursuing a relationship w her.

I think that you both should google H Opportunity and create an account on there. They provide support for discordant couples such as yourself and even stories of one having it and the other not. That site has the latest information on heroes and is completely dedicated to providing support for herpes. The moderators that run the site answer all your questions and there are pamphlets to download, to learn about it better.

I want you to know that I certainly do not judge you or anyone that has this. Some people are ignorant and selfish to the point where they feel they can hurt others without facing any consequences. You are a strong person. You must be, dealing with everything that you do. I really want to thank you for your response. It really makes me feel very good about all of this. I am not sure if I am just an anomily but she is more important to me than her illness. I find myself wanting to be there for her. She has suffered for so long and I am compelled to care for her (I doubt she needs it). I don't know why that is. She really is a wonderful person. I hope the best for you. I truly do. I want you to know that in this life, there is someone for everyone... not just one person either. I am unsure where you are in your life but if you are truly feeling broken or even lost, there is hope.

I do have one more question. By choosing to attempt to make something of our relationship, am I choosing to willingly become infected?

Awww thank you Dan, that made me cry reading that. That was so sweet what you said and she is lucky to have found a man like you. I'm not in the best place in my life right now, but it's fine.

I know you didn't say this w ill intent, but it's not an illness. There are 8 human herpes viruses. Hence why oral and genital herpes is labeled as 1 & 2. If you ever had chicken pox, that is herpes and it lays dormant in most for life, except for some elderly, it has a recurrent and it's called shingles. That is HH3. most adults will have been infected w 3-5 by 50. Most of them such as mono aka the kissing disease and others infect us when we are infants or kids and they are dormant. Most animal carriers some sort of a virus. There are dog and cat herpes and monkey herpes. Being a living being, means we will live w viruses for life that won't kill us for the most part. Just say her skin condition.

Yes, just like every time you get behind the wheel of a car, you are choosing the risk that you may not live another day. You have a .08% chance to die a year in a car accident. Your risk of getting herpes from her if you use both condoms and daily meds is 1%, almost the same number as risking a fatal car accident, except HSV isn't fatal.

So yes, you are making the choice that she is worth the possible risk, even w it being low. That means you have got to be comfortable w this idea and you need to make it very clear to her, that you have educated yoursel;, you know the risks and you are making that choice. She is going to struggle w guilt and fear of infecting you. I will tell you what is the most devastating part after the initial phase you go through, when first diagnosed; the fear of infecting someone we care about eats us alive. Every little symptom we may have down there the next day after sex, "we" (H+ people is we) freak out fearing we passed it, because we don't trust any little itch or soreness anymore that may be the norm. We no longer trust any sensation down there. We live in constant fear. So making sure you explain to her that you understand what this entails and you trust her to take her meds and to pay attention to signs and symptoms, she will feel more at ease. Hope that helps. You both feel free to message me personally any time.