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Confessions of a catastrophiser

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Ali1313
Ali1313

Hi all

I wonder if anyone else has problems with anxious catastrophic thinking. This is something I'm struggling with, so if you are too, you're not alone! WARNING: the below contains discussions of anxiety, cancer and other terminal diseases and death. Please do not read on if you think that you will be disturbed or otherwise adversely affected by this.

I find that I freak myself out easily over the smallest things, especially with anxiety over my health. Got a headache? It must be a brain tumour. Found a lump? That's got to be cancer. Finger twitching? Must be motor neurone disease. I've even done it today; I found a small little white/yellow bump on the gum over my canine/premolar, and because I tried smoking for the first and only time a few weeks ago I've spent the last three hours googling mouth cancer which I've convinced myself I must now have. (For anyone wondering, don't try smoking - it's a waste of time and money). I went through the whole spectrum: wondering about when to see the doctor; imagining the diagnosis; my loved one's reactions going through disfiguring surgery and chemotherapy; being told the cancer is terminal and my last moments lying dying in a hospice. It's awful to have to battle these thoughts and images all the time.

I do it with other things too. For example, I can drive to work and wonder if I locked the front door. I'll then spend the next hours (if not the whole day) thinking that the door must be unlocked, that someone will come in, rob the house and then burn it down, that the insurance will be invalid because the door was unlocked, and that my family will be left homeless all because of me - only to get home and find the door locked. I frequently double check that doors and windows are locked, go back down the road to make sure that speed bump wasn't a person, worry that I have a disease - the list is endless.

Whatever the situation is, I seem to automatically jump to the worst possible conclusion (frequently dying soon and/or horribly, or affecting someone else's life). I'll wind myself up without meaning too, and then be plagued by horrible thoughts and images. I check myself for diseases all the time, and then panic when I find one. I've been the to GP several times over the past few years, and think I am getting a bit of a reputation there now! Which in turn makes me worry that if I do go there with a genuine issue, it might be dismissed as me worrying about nothing and lead to an undiagnosed illness.

Does this happen to others? I find that I feel like I'm going mad, and that I'm unable to stop this cycle of worrying and panicking and thinking the worst all the time. If so, does anyone have any reassurance/coping tips? Getting counselling has proved next to impossible and the few sessions that I could get were not particularly helpful; I told my counsellor that I had been abused as a child and she opened up a can of worms she then couldn't put the lid back on!

Any experiences, words or advice are appreciated.

I hope you're all well.

Ali1313

0 likes, 2 replies

2 Replies

  • jan34534
    jan34534 Ali1313

    Edited

    I used to live that way and it was so miserable that I wasn’t even living. I had to find a way out of it.

    i still have anxiety but I don’t let my mind go to the negative or the word of thinking because it’s a total waste of time and it makes your life a living hell.

    I learned that our negative thinking is nothing but illusion.

    It’s not based on fact. It’s only based on emotion which is Fear.

    Fear is baseless, not factual, and not reality. fear stands for false evidence appearing real. And that is what we do to our mind.

    All the what if thinking is worrying about the future. That’s a waste of time because there is no future right now and there is no past anymore. The only thing that is real is the present moment.

    so basically we worry about something that does not exist. you are putting in an enormous amounts of energy and time into something that doesn’t exist.

    We " Play movies in our mind " of horrible things over and over again. It’s a complete waste of time. I’m telling you all of this based on my own experience and also what I have learned through great podcasts, videos etc. on living in the present and over thinking. I am at such a much more peaceful place now in my life after letting all that go.!

    Give your mind a rest. you could be doing more damage to yourself physically by getting caught up in the water thinking. You were stressing yourself out so much you could cause yourself ill health. If you just let things be, you’d be much better off! Of course get your yearly physicals but don’t obsess about everything or every little symptom you get. Life is too short for constant worry and mental torture. Find another therapist. maybe even try a medication that your doctor prescribes. It’s not going to help with all the negative thinking but it may relax you a little bit. Take care

  • jerry09440
    jerry09440 Ali1313

    Posted

    I often have similar fears so I know how you feel. I can cope with some of them by applying some logical and factual thinking. I find that gathering correct information helps me the most in dealing with things. For example, many people smoke for years and never get cancer, however I would not recommend that anyone smoke. Generally, it is not good for your health. Get an honest nearby neighbor to check on your home if you feel you may have left the door unlocked. Also, some anxiety medication may help you to take control of your thoughts and remain more calm.

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