confused about social drinking
Posted , 6 users are following.
So good news is I did not drink over the weekend. I think I can stay away from the secret drinking at home as the relief of the guilt is refreshing. I am listening to some quit lit on audible & can identify with most of it but the part I am struggling with is quitting forever!!
In a week & a half's time myself & my husband have a party to attend. It is a friend's Birthday party in her house. She has it every year & every year everyone gets boozed up. The attendees are from my set of friends who love to drink. My husband is keen to go & he won't drink too much himself, he has been put off by the effects of booze from seeing his friend's problem with drinking & of course mine. There is a little battle in my head saying - "Sadie you have cut out the secret drinking, that was the real problem so you can go to a social event & drink. You don't go out much so what harm is one night of enjoyment." Maybe that voice is right if I manage to keep it to that. I do not want to go to this party & be sober amongst drunken people. I have already backed away from this group of friends so I know the one night would not lead to more I simply cannot go out often.
Here I am on here doing good & feeling good but this social worry is there. Do I deny myself fun with friends & a few drinks occasionally or is this as the quit lit says the addiction talking. At present I believe I can do it. Over the last 2 years I have successfully reduced my drinking to once a week & now I am not drinking at home.
Do I give it a try at this party ? I'm fine with not going it's not like old me - whoop an excuse to go & drink - it doesn't feel like that it feels like a night of fun with my husband a few drinks. I don't see myself swigging from a secret bottle the following evening.
drink?
Can I go from drinking 3/4 times a week 15 years ago to 2 nights , then 1 in the last 2 years to none at home to be able to socially drink? I need clarity feeling confused.
0 likes, 18 replies
TheToad sadie_dee70150
Posted
You will feel soooooo proud of yourself if you don't drink, not even a little sip! And I suspect there will be others there who will respect your decision and wish that they were as strong as you.
Robin2015 sadie_dee70150
Posted
Do not go is my advice and i might be too stern or severe! Seems like A LOT OF temptation at that party. They are all going to say....Come on!! Just the one drink won't harm you girl...go on...teasing you perhaps or probably. You do not seem that concerned by not going😃Robin
Nat666 Robin2015
Posted
Robin is right Sadie, just give it a miss and all the temptation that you would have with going.Making the decision not to go will take the anxiety about going away wont it 👍
h1954 sadie_dee70150
Posted
This is a tricky one Sadie. You are quite rightly proud of your achievement so far. You think that if you go to your friend's party you will have to drink to have fun. Is that really so? Have you had fun sober since you cut down so much? Are you worried about the pressure to drink? Do you want to feel proud of yourself for going and not drinking? What is the real likelihood of going and not drinking? Or more difficult what is the chance of you going and just having a couple?
Hard questions. How do you want to feel the next day? Really only you can answer whether you think one night of drinking is going to either be worth it or undo all the good you've done. For me I know it has and does and would undo all the good work. Good luck in making your decision. Let us know how it goes. We all care about each other on this site.
sadie_dee70150
Posted
I will be totally honest . I do not want to got to this particular party & be sober. The whole point of this party for this set of friends is to drink & they will drink a lot. If I am not drinking I would rather be at home than force myself to go. I don't think I would feel relaxed. Put it this way if you are trying to ease of stay off the booze these ladies are not the best to be around as the friendship is very boozed based. They are going on holiday together in 3 weeks ( I myself will not be joining them ) & the plan is to drink from morning until night. Every activity has booze in it. Even a trip to the cinema wine was brought along.
Robin2015 sadie_dee70150
Posted
You are very strong minded Sadie and i salute you. You made the right choice, for certain. Some women drink massively for 30 years and die in their fifties of alcoholism! My friend who is a nurse witnessed two cases early this year in our local hospital. Not only men but sometimes women are suffering from this horrible addiction and cannot stop. Hopefully, you will have a long and healthy life. Robin
TheToad sadie_dee70150
Posted
Something else you will find interesting, is staying sober at the party and watching people gradually getting drunk and behaving really badly. While it might be amusing to watch, it also helped me to stay sober in similar situations. There were times in my drinking years when I simply could not remember what I did and was embarrassed and ashamed when told. I even had to apologise to the host later sometimes. It sounds like your friends may have problems with alcohol and it may be better to stay at home? Best wishes.
h1954 sadie_dee70150
Posted
well done Sadie, I think you've made your decision
vickylou sadie_dee70150
Posted
Sadie
The fact that youve questioned and asked for advice regarding going to this party should answer your question!
I fully understand your dileama, having been there myself, although many years ago.
Only you can decide. However from all your previous posts, nothing seems to have changed. To be blunt, I think you are looking for someone to say yes drink, youll be fine, its only one night.
It isnt that long ago when you were secretively drinking so your husband wasnt aware how much you were drinking.
You know that drinking alcohol can reduce your fertility. Seeing as you are trying for a baby, I would have thought that drinking alcohol is the last thing you should be doing or even thinking about.
I dont want you to think Im being critical, but it really boils down to whether drink is more important than a baby. The fact youre thinking about drinking is where your problem is.
Dont let it get to the stage I was in, your kids and marriage, or drinking. Honestly I think from my own experience you are in denial about how serious your drinking problem is. You have admitted your husband still doesnt know the extent of your drinking.
You wont like my reply, and yes my reply is hard for a reason.
sadie_dee70150 vickylou
Posted
Hi VickyLou,
I don't think you are being too hard on me. I appreciate your honesty. This is the place I can be honest so I want people here to be honest with me. A few days ago I read back on discussions I have posted on here. I can see the same repetitive actions & thoughts in them. You are right I wanted someone to say to me if you are able to cut out the secret drinking why not drink when you are out socializing like a normal person having fun. You know what part of me thinks yes I'll be able to do that . I haven't drank at home in secret in 22 days & it has not been as bad as it was when I did this before. Then another part of me thinks what will be different about this time? Once you start drinking when you are out you may just keep going & going & have massive hangover the next day & regret. This is just me being honest with my thoughts it doesn't mean I ma going to go out drinking.
The thing that is first in my mind is trying to have a baby. I so want this, the longing is huge! Each month that it isn't happening my heart breaks a bit more. At the start I would console myself with the thought I will have a few drinks on Saturday & then worry my near half a bottle of vodka could have damaged chances in the future. It was a vicious cycle. So I stopped the Saturday binges.
I have been going over in my head what to say to my friend hosting this party next week & thought the truth is probably best. I'm not drinking as we are trying to conceive & I am on a lot of hormonal treatment so I am going to give it a miss.
My head is still fuzzy about what I should or shouldn't do about drinking socially in the future whether it be after having a baby or if I conceive at all but for now I am not drinking & its going ok.
Robin2015 sadie_dee70150
Posted
What happened? Did you go to the party?
sadie_dee70150 Robin2015
Posted
Hi! The party is this Saturday & I don't intend on going. I'm feeling down as took pregnancy test yesterday & another negative I took it badly yesterday but I didn't drink. x
Robin2015 sadie_dee70150
Posted
Howare you keeping Sadie?
h1954 sadie_dee70150
Posted
so sorry to heat about your negative test, but a big WELL DONE for not drinking. Can you do something to treat yourself instead of going to the party on Saturday? I'm thinking nice food, a movie you keep meaning to see, a facial, a pamper, manicure. Something lovely for you that doesn't involve drink and takes your mind off the party and gives you more pleasure than the party would have and no hangover. You deserve it
sadie_dee70150 h1954
Posted
Thank you! Just have to try & keep the chin up & hope it happens in the future. My husband is working late tomorrow & I'm working until 6 so after work & after I put our son to bed I think I'll watch A Handmaid's Tale in bed. I feel bad about not going to the party as I haven't gone to a lot of social events in the last few months but I know it's too much temptation to drink all night. I'm wondering will I ever be fun again & will my friend's gossip about me not going. I get very anxious about things like this. xx
Robin2015 sadie_dee70150
Posted
Who cares if they gossip about you?if they do, well then they are not true friends and living in cookoland just partying without any concerns about heavy drinking..😨 you should just be proud of yourself😃 Robin
Robin2015 sadie_dee70150
Posted
How are feelingnow Sadie Dee? It had been more than a week since the party. Did you cope? Are you ok? Regards Robin