Constantly have anxiety from all thoughts
Posted , 6 users are following.
hi, this is my first post here. im extremely lost and confused, over pass three months my mental health has declined. prior to this i have never had any mental health issues, it all started when i had intrusive thoughts about my 16 month old son about what if i hurt him. after admitting myself to the hospital i was diagnosed with OCD and anxiety. sinec then my thoughts of harming my son have went away but now i constantly question if i love him and almost have an out of body feeling when i look at him, like cant comprehend that hes my child. on top of these thoughts my brain has started to notice every thought i have good or bad and it give me anxiety because i cant make it stop. for example i will see a random car drive by and i will say to myself in my head ok i just noticed that car driving by...i know this sounds extremely crazy and i have started to feel everybit of crazy to the point my mental health is in a horrible state of depression. thanks to anyone who took time to read and hopefully someone can relate and tell me im not the only with this kind of thinking.
0 likes, 9 replies
k08610 coty44799
Edited
Oh honey been there done that as they say. My OCD started when I was 7, I saw Jim Belushi on the screen and I knew he had died years before, so I had extreme anxiety and thought
because he was on my tv death was brought into the house. I started touching everything 5 times each touch represented a family member, I thought I was keeping them alive. It was a huge burden for a seven year old to take on. I would have to do it right or I would repeat till I got it right. My sister would find me in the bathroom in the middle of the night crying because ,I couldn't get the touch to go with the safe feeling in my mind. It progressed to worse OCD, after seeing Ted Bundy movie at 12 I thought I was a serial killer, I thought I would get up and kill everyone which was against my sensitive nature, I thought OMG I could never have kids. I cried myself to sleep that night praying that god would stop me from being a killer. It was horrifying, I then became obsessed with many more OCD thoughts. After my baby girl was born I did have a period where I thought I would harm her, it was horrible. I haven't owned a set of knives till recently.. I moved on to other obsessions, I get better then worse, but all the killing ones have lost their powers.So your not alone sweetie, I know it's horrible but your a good person who loves their child. They are just thoughts that mean absolutely nothing.
coty44799 k08610
Edited
thank you for your reply, i think its so hard for me to comprehend that this is ocd because ive never had it before. i literally cant do anything all day but think about if i love my son and the thoughts in my head to the point where i cant watch tv, read a book, hold a conversation with anyone without it being on my mind which just makes me want to cry. ive been on multiple meds the past three months and nothing has helped. doee your ocd make you feel mental crazy and would it consume your thoughts 24hours a day? and did any meds or therapy help you?
k08610 coty44799
Edited
Yes, it's made me suicidal. It was so bad I thought I was going to go crazy, but I didn't go crazy. I didn't take meds only used ativan for extremely hard days. I went to therapy which helped me understand I wasn't alone, in time and with good nutrition I improved. When I neglect myself and don't sleep and eat good it comes back with a vengeance. I had a very difficult childhood which had a horrible effect on me, so trying to overcome so many obstacles is very difficult. I think for you maybe you love your son so much that the thought of ever losing him is so painful your brain flips the switch. Just remember your not crazy, your probably more normal then most people walking down the street.
k08610 coty44799
Posted
I sent a comment that is being moderated, but to answer your question quickly,I only took ativan on really bad days. I went to therapy which helped me because it made me realize I was not alone.
stephen79-1 coty44799
Posted
Hi
It sounds like you have anxieties, ocd and over thinking. the isolation at the moment will bring bring out more of these tendencies and others in many people. you are not alone.
overthinking is generally not helped by having the time to think, or from being exhausted from stress and having to be thinking all the time, so its hard to stop. its common for people to talk in their own heads, youve probably just focused on this a little more recently and now its more obvious when you do it. for this, try to relax, plan more and give yourself downtime where you can do something to take your mind off of things. if its stress or anxiety thst is causing you to overthink then try looking for assistance with those too.
for ocd, you can try turning negative thoughts into good ones. for example, there are many types of ocd but often people do something for a reason... i.e. i must do this X number of times or something bad will happen or i must do that X number of times within the next minute. try applying a positive that prevents the negative... so for example... if i dont do X number of times then something bad wont happen... you could try conditioning yourself to think of good thoughts when bad ones pop into your head. breaking a pattern is sometimes easy to do, if you can recognise the issue, which you have done already so well done for a big step forward
hoping these friendly words can give you some reassurance and hope
x
Potatoghost coty44799
Posted
first ever time I had anxiety I could have written what you have word for word. I used to loom at my son and my anxiety would tell me I didn't love him. it caused me to have pretty bad depression aswell as I knew I did but no matter how much I battled them thoughts I would always convince myself I didn't x there was no reason for it it was just what my anxiety told me. when I got well again that feeling of realising it was just anxiety lying to me was euphoric. your anxiety is clinging onto your biggest fears. that's what it does. and that just goes to show how much you do care about your son because you are worrying and having anxiety around harming him.
they are called intrusive thoughts and are horrific but really are just anxiety. I've been there it's horrible.
the whole car thing aswell reminds me of myself at the time too. you aren't alone!
you wont go crazy and it's pretty much an impossibility because you re too in tune with your emotions your feelings and anxiety. if you were going crazy you wouldn't be anxious about it you wouldn't even know it was happening as it would just feel normal to be going through those feelings. I hope that makes sense.
as for recovering from this horrible illness counselling and therapy are great and there is also the option of medication which I was so against at the time. I thought it would change me or make me a different person but that was the option I chose and was the best choice I ever made. I went back to being normal. a little calmer than normal and a lot happier. this isn't the best option for everyone so have a good thing and discuss it with your friends family and professionals to see what route you want to go down.
you will get better
you will recover and you will feel normal again. it just takes patience and understanding that anxiety is a liar and preys on your worst case scenario.
ie. harming your son
going crazy
feeling like you wont recover
but you will.
coty44799 Potatoghost
Posted
thank you for your kind words, im relieved to hear that someone else has questioned if they love their own child. did you find yourself constantly thinking about it all day and night? also did you think other bad things in your head like, my child isnt cute, or i dont enjoy taking care of him, or can i do this for the rest of my life? all of these thoughts run through my head constantly and they kill me inside. i never felt like this toward him until one day i had one bad thought about him and since then it had turned into all of this.
albert81684 coty44799
Posted
yes,ive been thier,were the same experience.bad thoughts are so much scary, but i love my child so much,thats i won the battle of intrusive thoughts...sometimes its comming back just like today.my intrusive thought strike again.i have neighbor older than me.he will be the one i talk to.but i feel shy when he wear boxer shorts because of that i thought i was upset.then my anxieties started.everything that i saw is a matter to me. and everything i thought is a matter.
sheila54668 coty44799
Posted
I'm also new and have had OCD since a young age but only got to learn about it in 2016 after the death of my father. Around 5 days after he'd passed I visited the GP (locum) and she advised me to stop using Mirtazapine (which I had used for mild anxiety and works a treat) and try Diazepam. In her words "better for my condition." Less than 24 hours later, new frightening, disturbing thoughts entered my mind. 3 days later I was put back on the Mirtazapine but unfortunately the damage was done. My thoughts range from the stupidity to the serious.
Stupidity: Stopping myself from whistling to loud or if I see someone and can't think of their name, I can't relax until I find the answer.
Serious: I've started to call these "the classics", taking my life or hurting others.
While I've never acted on my thoughts (some of the stupid ones maybe to make the feelings go), it's still a constant battle to just take no notice. Diazepam may help some but it started mine.
My current struggle is with Covid-19. Well, sort of, I went out shopping a week ago and briefly bumped into someone. Not one word of apology from the other person. When I returned home I thought "I could have killed by transferring the virus". I know it's stupid and I still go out for essentials but I can't shake that one thought. I suppose I will go in time but until then, every morning my stomach feels like it's been continuously punched from the inside.
Does anyone have advice or have had the same, god forbid, thought?