Constantly thinking that he’s cheating

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. Through our five years I have never once questioned his loyalty towards me until a few months ago, which makes me swear up and down he definitely cheated just because I’ve never felt this way with him before. Before I get into it I can’t even begin to tell you the amount of anxiety I deal with, it is absolutely horrible. No matter what I go through I always assume the worst. So. A few months ago I saw that my boyfriends Snapchat score was rising (I’m not psychotic, he never uses Snapchat so to see the score even rising by 2 is weird so obviously I kept watching it once I was suspicious), it was literally rising only that day. I brought up like “who are you talking to” jokingly and he told me that it was an old friend from middle school. The score kept rising so I logged in. It was a female so obviously in my own world in my head he was definitely cheating. One night he stayed over and I woke up and this girl sent him snaps at 2 AM. Obviously I lost it because why message a dude with a girlfriend at 2 AM? He eased me because I was hysterical crying. I’ve been cheated on before and it was through Snapchat so in my eyes it was happening again. He told me cheating is a choice and he would never choose to do that, he was also cheated on. He willingly sat in front of me and opened everything so I could see that it was seriously nothing but talking to an old friend. This girl kept snapchatting him over the next few days and he really started notcing how bothered I was getting and eventually stopped answering her all together. She started blowing his Snapchat up. He says that she knew that he had a girlfriend and her best friend is also old friends with my boyfriend, so even if he wouldn’t of said anything I’m sure she would’ve. Eventually he ended up blocking her on any kind of social media because he said she became super weird and it made him extremely uncomfortable. As the paranoid person I am I found her accounts and anything I see that doesn’t have a direct name or anything I automatically assume it’s him. Even if the timing of a post doesn’t add up to when I was worried. I have all his passwords and have found nothing, I’m literally the only female he has in any messages anywhere, and he never deletes anything. I’m aloud in his phone whenever and he has never acted different in anyway. He never gets mad at me when I bring up these feelings he’s always understanding and always says that he could never do something like that to me. I’m just so unsure if I’m feeling paranoia from my anxiety or if this is a gut feeling and he’s just really good at lying and hiding something. Please don’t tell me I sound crazy, because I know I do.. anxiety is horrible. 

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