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Constantly worried and negative about self, help?

Posted , 4 users are following.

ElizaxLeo
ElizaxLeo

My father seems to be suffering from depression.

He constantly has a low opinion of himself, insulting himself, mocking himself and insisting all day that he lives to serve his wife and me, that he's better off dead for our sake.

Now, the problem is, I need him to stop being this way. His low opinion leads to a constant need to do something, to work, to clean, or anything that makes him seem useful, even though he's sick and unwell and needs to rest. No one is forcing him to work and he doesn't need to. The family loves him yet he doubts it and keeps ignoring me when I tell him to calm down.

He's always worried that "something's happening", that people are out to get him, that police are hoping to arrest him. I've told him for months not to worry about nonsense, but my words don't seem to reach him. He's always sad and hateful, he even went as far as to accuse his wife of cheating because he thinks himself useless. 

Can someone help me? He's damaging himself and I'm seriously worried. Nothing I do can convince him of the truth.  

1 like, 8 replies

8 Replies

  • lily65668
    lily65668 ElizaxLeo

    Posted

    Eliza, you don't say how old your father is, which could be a vital part of the puzzle.
    • ElizaxLeo
      ElizaxLeo lily65668

      Posted

      He's in his early 50s, and he's never been the active type.

      He likes taking charge of things, being in total control, and since he is very bad at trusting people, it's hard for him to let go of jobs or tasks.

    • lily65668
      lily65668 ElizaxLeo

      Posted

      Sorry - because it sounded as if his paranoia could be down to Alzheimer's or some other kind of dementia, I was wondering whether he was elderly. That's highly unlikely if he's only in his 50s, especially as if it looks as if he's always been a bit that way.

      Some people - particularly men - do develop acute mental illness in middle age. This often takes the form of an exaggerated version of a personality problem they've had all their lives. I really think you should try and persuade him to see his GP before this gets totally out of hand, though I agree with David that he'd probably be unlikely to agree. I also agree that if he won't do this you could try approaching his GP yourself to discuss your fears. However, I know doctors vary widely in how open they are to this kind of approach. Some will agree to talk to a close family member, whereas others insist that the patient approach them personally.

      I really feel for you and hope you can find a solution. I know from personal experience what it's like to live with a parent with mental problems.

    • ElizaxLeo
      ElizaxLeo lily65668

      Posted

      I'm sorry, but what is a GP?

      Well, doctors here are mostly concerned with money so they'll just keep giving him drugs he doesn't need. Since my father is so distrustful, any drug we buy him (like anti-depressant) he'll just throw it out and accuse me of killing him. He likes to say he trusts me completely, but his actions scream otherwise.

    • lily65668
      lily65668 ElizaxLeo

      Posted

      Ah, so you're not in the UK? A GP is a General Practitioner or family doctor. Can you google mental health services and helplines in the country you're living in? There are a couple of good mental health charities in the UK called MIND and SANE that run free helplines and counselling services. Are you sure there's nothing like that in your area? SANE also runs mental health forums that you can join from anywhere in the world.

      Sorry not to be of more help.

    • ElizaxLeo
      ElizaxLeo lily65668

      Posted

      No, you're helpful. My father is from the UK, but since he's a foriegner here I'm super worried doctors will simply want his money than give him a proper diagnostic. I'll try it out. Thank you.
  • Davesoapbox
    Davesoapbox ElizaxLeo

    Posted

    Hi,

    as Lily said your Dads age is probably a factor here and I'm guessing he was once quite active but now is unable to work. It's easy for active people to feel useless and unnecessary and I'm guessing any suggestion of him talking to a GP goes down like a lead safe. On the one hand giving him some good home truths about his behaviour might work but if he is already feeling low it might just reinforce his negative feelings, but to ignore the situation would also be unwise. Maybe if you visited his GP and told them of the issue they could help you, your Dad may not be happy with you "interfering" but sometimes loving people means doing what's best for them not making them happy.

  • mervyn20538
    mervyn20538 ElizaxLeo

    Posted

    Hi there. I was really struck and moved by what you wrote. I have complete empathy for you. Whilst I am not caring for someone with depression, I do relate from the position of having personally suffered with depression myself for many years now. I am happy to report though that whilst I did suffer, I have since made a very significant recovery. In my opinion, your Dad is experiencing very acute depression. The symptoms you describe are very telling for this type of diagnosis. It would be so beneficial for your Dad to visit his GP. He/She might conduct an assessment or make a referral to see a psychiatrist. Doctors usually try to rule out other illnesses such as Bipolar Affective Disorder through which sufferers experience depressive episodes that can be prolonged and enduring. Your Dad's reluctance to accept the love & support of his family is indicative of symptoms of hopelessness that are very typical of depression. There are overlapping symptoms with depression, most commonly anxiety, but agitation and restlessness can be features also. Your a Dad's desire to be more useful can signal a desperate attempt to flee from the debilitating thoughts and actions that are affecting his mood. His declaration that your family would be better off without him is a strong indicator of guilt which can plague the minds of people suffering with depression and these feelings of guilt might have no bearing on actual reality. Has your Dad experienced this illness before? The onset of depression though can occur at any stage in a person's life. Medication can play a vital role in treating this terrible illness. Medication, although ineffective for quite some time initially, eventually began stabilising my mood and I began to regain control over my thoughts and feelings. There are a whole variety of anti-depressants and if agreed by your Dad, they can really change the course of his illness. You should take pride in the fact that you are very much there for your Dad and evidently, love him dearly. He will pull through this. It may be slow, arduous & painful but the treatment of depression is something that should be taken very seriously but is also something that can be managed and controlled. When your Dad starts to feel better, he will gather strength which will sustain him in life and in his relationships with others. I wish you every good fortune and hope and will pray that your Dad makes a full recovery. 
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