Copd care and the caretaker.

So she lives at one of your brother`s homes and you take care of her during the day while your bro is at work, is that the picture.  (my question mark is not co-operating with me!).  Is there any way, even for a day or two a week, that you could get someone in to care for her during the day.  

My adoptive Dad totally shut down after my adoptive Mom died.  He refused to eat and he quit walking.  He was a big man 6`2`and big boned, not heavy, just big.  I could no longer take care of him and HAD to put him into a home, it nearly killed me to do that, but I had to.  It too, was affecting my family life and I had to make the extremely difficult decision to put him into a home.  He ended up in hospital and refused to eat, either by mouth or tube, it took a few months but he eventually passed away.  It was horrible to watch him fading away, physically and mentally. 

Can you talk to your Mom and explain to her that if she doesn`t make a will, take care of power of attorney, etc. that the government will step in and it will be out of your hands and your brother`s hands when she passes.  Maybe put it to her along the lines of ``Would you want Dad`s money, that he worked hard for all of his life, to go to the government Mom` 

Tough love might be needed in your situation.  Tell her she HAS to get up and walk to the bathroom because you insist on it and if she doesn`t, you are leaving, right now.  

I wish you all the luck in the world and will be thinking of you in my prayers.  Take care Lisa. 

then they need to step up and help take care of her. if the promise is broken that is on their shoulders.

Iasked my children to put me in a nursing home when the time came but they and my husband say absolutely no

I may have to admit myself so they have no say. I will not be a burden,. I am so sorry that you are going through this it will be the memory of

your mom when she is gone and that isn't fair. maybe mention to your mom that she needs to help take care of herself more and mention to her that their are adult daycares available maybe your brothers

will help pay for that.

talk to your brothers make a schedule of care so that you each share the responsibility of her care.

prayers and hugs

Get in touch with social services to have your mother's needs assessed .They will help you by maybe getting carers I to help

I personally would have a discussion w my brothers to discuss a nursing home or they'd better start helping w her...n take turns...that's crazy it being all on u!!!! I went through a similar situation years ago but my sister and I was trying to care for my father n my mom didn't want her to help n that's crazy,It was the ha rest thing ever n have any kind of life,I also had a daughter n G son that needed me,My father became combative w Parkinson, Alzhiemers,n he hit me n my mom n didn't who we were for a moment! My mom needed me also she had a heart attack earlier so I had both of them n I needed my sister n she jus refused to have her to help out n I said ,One Day that's it's it! Either sis helps me or else! And again there was a long story behind that one,I also had a brother who couldn't help much! Anyway Get help or tell them or else? I personally would anyway....Jus my opinion! Give ur husband time or he will find time w someone else! Not that's the way it should b ,but that's the way it is! IT SHOULD B Sickness or in health but these days. ....The vowels don't mean nothing anymore! Have a forum...n speak with everyone Inc ur mom! It's hard! But COPD STAGE 4 COULD GO ON FOR YEARS ,DEPENDNG ON OUR LORD! WHEN HE IS READY?

I think you have done your duty.  If your brothers made her this promise then they need to get up off their duffs and supply some respite help and get themselves over there to help her out of the bed cook, clean and do all those things that you have had to do.  If your Mother has not made a will, power of attorney or a DNR, you are really in a pickle.  I know you love her, but you did not cause this mess..  I would never put this on my sons or daughter n laws.  1.  I did this to myself  2.  If something happens to my husband I would put myself in a nursing home and that would be the end of that.  I think God has positioned you and now it is time that YOU LAY DOWN THE LAW TO YOUR BROTHERS.  NO ONE IS EXEMPT FROM TAKING CARE OF YOUR MOTHER.    The responsibility is not just one persons.  You need to call in an advocate and you need to get some legal advice and quickly.  I get the feeling your Mother is being even more needy than she has to be (I could be wrong)  but I am in stage 4 severe COPD and I don't ask anyone to cook, clean, or go the the restroom for me.  If I get tired, I rest.  But I refuse to put this burden on my family..  I pretty much live in a bubble due to the risk of pneumonia or other infections, but I do not expect the rest of my family to do this.  Take care of yourself and your husband.  Your brothers need to step up to the plate and do their duty.  Otherwise you have no choice but to take some extreme steps.  And believe me, if it's money they are waiting on...it's not worth your life and happiness for some inheritance that may or may not come to pass.  Kudo's to your Dad.   he did exactly as God commands.....for better or worse, richer or poorer in sickness and in health.  Now...God bless you and take care of yourself.  If you leave...she will have to get up and go to the bathroom.  Do you know what stage she is in?  I would set up a meeting with her doctor.  You cannot take this on and sacrifice your own marriage and life.  You made a commitment to your husband...  Don't let that die on the vine.  God bless.....Breathless

Hi Lisa,

I can only advise if you are living in UK.

Get Social Services involved.

Phone the British Lung Foundation helpline and get their advice also.

You cannot go on like this it is bad for your own health and if that suffers then so will your Mother.  You need help,  Involve as many people as possible.

The community Matron (who will visit as required) your local Breathe Easy Group may be able to advise who this is. Access through your Mother's GP

The OT Team (occupational therapy) also access through your GP

Consider paying someone to come 3 days a week to give some relief.  Ask social services about this, and respite care.  (Money may need to come from your mother's pension fun or DSS depending on your circumstances.

Having a chat with your local breathe easy group Chairman may be able to advice you on the help that is available contact via BLF website.

Take extra good care of yourself.

Best wishes V