Coping with depression with children

Posted , 5 users are following.

I'm a single mum to two boys, they both see their fathers and I have loads of support but their entire childhoods are being ruined by my depression. 

Some days all I can manage is to feed them and leave them in front of the TV while I go back to bed. They're both acting up at school and at home and I know it's because they're crying out for attention but I just can't do it. I can't sit down and play a game with them, some days I'm not even capable of holding a conversation with them. They don't do any homework or anything else the school wants them to do at home. I know what I'm doing to them, yet I can't do anything about it. Does anyone have any advice? Depression has ruined and controlled my life, I don't want it doing the same to them.

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    Right I dont mean this to sound bad, but what you need to do is take small step to slow change this the longer it goes on the harder it is to turn it around. I know it not going to be easier, but not fighting the depression and just giving in, is not going to help. No tablet are going to solve this either. Maybe you need to speak with a counsellor and get back on track i dont know.

    What i do know is you got to stop depression in its track by what ever means you can be that a small chnage or a big change. Try to plan may be to begin with 10 minutes with the boys, then keep adding more as you feel you can. The idea is to have achievable goals roximl. If you make it to difficult you depression wins as you dont feel you can do it.

    It hard but you get lots of motivation from the groups and support. I have met some great people on this site that are so supportive and give me the kick in the pants when I need to be motivated

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  • Posted

    Hi, I too am a single mum, I have 5 children and know how hard it is coping with depression and children, I have a set plan/routine written down for the children, I can't always stick to everything on it but I try, some days I can do all of the things on the list and others I can only manage a couple of things, it is hard but before I'd written everything down things were a lot worse, it's really helped me xx
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    • Posted

      Roximl, DonDon3 is one tough cookie , and there are people like Nick who is an angel, anne and Eli Bird who are great people to motivate and help you thru. Also Michael and a few other all going thru depression that can guide you and tell you their secrets of how to get thru
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  • Posted

    You know that what you are doing is wrong, my respect goes out to you for that. But now IS the time for you to do something. Most children need a paternal connection otherwise yes they will suffer, is there any suggestion that they can live with their fathers or other family members while you try to get yourself back on two feet? Surely thinking this through is a good idea before you get to the point where the school or somebody will have to do what they think is right for the children? And i know i say this alot but have you been to the gp and told them how you are feeling? Nick.
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  • Posted

    Yes you do need to get yourself back together as it will defornatley spoil their childhood which you can never give back to them .

    Then they will go on to spoil their own relationships and in their heart will always blame you ,im sorry to be so harsh but it is the truth .

    The good news is you reconise this and want to do something about it ,i know its really hard to get yourself together and even small tasks seem big ,i remember it was even a effort to lift a cup ,but please see councelling as you can never give that time back to your kids but you can make a start today ,make it your mission to see your kids happy,if you cant get to the doctors or you dont feel you can please try self help and start meditation you can do it at home when you have fre time or make free time for you .

    Break the cycle make the effort 1 day a week for a little game with kids see their little faces light up ,something that doesnt need too much effort like Snap ?

    Also make one day for yourself (beauty night )

    It is really hard being a single mum and unless you have been their no one understands the feeling you have of bringing up children by yourself ,even Men are single dads so why not take the kids to a fun factory you can have a coffee while the kids have fun no energy needed there and you get talking to other people,I used to do that with my son really forced myself but to see his happy face was worth it.

    To be honest i was like that for years as you dont feel complete when the father is absent but when you do find a partner to share your life if it is the right partner things will change smile

    but for now you have to make your life and your childrens life fun 

    Even a hobbie just to break the cycle you are in 

    meet other people and feel alive inside as it sounds a part of you has died but the good news is it is repairable have hope it is just a tempoary situation

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  • Posted

    Thanks to everyone who replied. I read them all yesterday but wanted to think on them before replying. I am still seeing a psychiatrist and my GP regularly. I'm on medication, have been for a while. Just started clonazepam a week or so ago which has helped me sleep and with the nightmares so I am feeling slightly better. 

    The school is aware of my situation and have been brilliant about everything, social services are happy for the school to monitor the kids so they are no longer involved.

    i just hate that the boys are getting into trouble at school for behaviour that I'm basically responsible for. They spent their Christmas money on Hama beads which arrived in the post yesterday so my aim this week is to sit down with them and do that. My youngest has also said he wants to practise his writing because he doesn't know all the letters and they're starting joined up writing in school now so he's realised how far behind he is. I want to do that with him this week too, even if it's just for a few minutes.

    my eldest has his own tablet so I'm going to try and find an app or game that we can do together as I'm not ready for the stress involved in playing a board game. I'm going to start small and work my way up.

    as for doing something for me, I've put on a lot of weight because of medications I've been on and I've just bought an exercise bike. So I'm gonna take a little time each day, put some music on and exercise.

    today is a good day and I'm feeling quite positive, I just hope it lasts until I get to achieve some of the things I want to do.

    thanks again to you all, I've only been on this forum a few months but I've found it really helpful so far. It's great having people that understand.

    xx

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  • Posted

    When i read your message it really made me smile ,so happy you have taken the first step and the kids are going to be so happy smile you are taking time out with them ,i can see there little faces smiling also and their school work improving

    its a good idea you have decided to do something posative with your me time So Well Done You smile smile smile

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  • Posted

    Dear roximal,

    I feel very sorry to hear about your condition, it is very difficult for you. I have a friend like you in Milton Keynes and she gets so bad that she cannot get up at all some days.

    I know what clonazepam is like, my GP prescribed it for me because I had restless legs,( I have type 2 diabetes.) this is a very powerful drug and will not help you if you have to get up and look after the children. I had difficulty getting up do do anything on clonazepam (I was on 6 tablets each night ).

    I cannot understand why your GP doesn't prescribe something to help you feel better. My GP could sort me out in 5 minutes, there is all sorts of things he could prescribe.

    Go back and say you are feeling dreadful, what can he give you to make you feel more able to cope. If he can't give you anything see another GP and ask them.

    I really do feel sorry for you and hope the NHS is capable of dealing with your problem. I think you are suffering from a slight chemical imbalance and I believe this can be corrected. It was for my friend.

    Please take care and I wish you good luck.

    Very best regards

    bob

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