Could do with some help. Anyone?

Hey tt,ive been on here for over 2yrs now do u remember when we spoke before..im still on citalopram and doing ok,but you dont sound so good.You still taking these tabs..hope your ok kim xXx

Hey Kimoli-im still on them too-but im struglling now after a really bad experience a couple of weeks ago.

Im trying not to drink-but finding i forget to eat now as well and then when I eralise that im really ungryim at fainting point!

My doctor prescribed me diazepam to get me though but ive been really reluctant to take them as im so phased and dazzled by everything and cant focus that more drugs would probably make e worse. I dont know,

Ive been referred toa support team etc but this alone is a reminder and i dont know if any of it is really going to help-but trying too not to be a vitim to it- its a nightmarre. I have to take sleeping pills that dont work at night, or I have to have a really strong drink, but last night as i had work todaty i felt rotten about to chuck etc .....I start some counselling on Thursday, but scared because of old events as well as this recent one.

I go from laughing about it hysterically to wanting to die. Why is that? I cant cry about it! I feel weird!

Kimoli thanks for listening to me, and take ccare of you!

This is really really crap! Right, I had an appointment with a crisis team-they couldnt be bothered to ring me and tell me that no one could accompany me to a clinic for tests ( where I could have got some other person to help me through-they didnt tell me until the morning prior) Im mad ! The beep beep got what he wanted ...The police have got all they can get from me, and now im left to rot! Im not going to that unreliable crisis team-they are useless...I need to move out this city and damne well quickly. Thats whta Im doing and NOone is going to stop me. Right now though I have missed /cant remeber since the 16th of June...its apparently the 8th of July..I cant handle this anymore....what am I a thing for people to play with?

Maybe its just a response but inside im biling over and want to explode! This is ridiculous. I went out yesterday and forsome stupid reason my mobile didnt receiev calls-so no one couldr each me. I didnt get home till 5 pm by which time most places are shut.A doctor and a psych person are coming round-dont know what time od fay. My children are stuck in as its pissing down with rain and I have an appointment at a clinic and no bus fares to get there-gee thanks world.plus then , im trying to find out when my other appointment is- for sexual abuse ( vo.luntary work) LIST EN FOLKS DONT VOLUNTEER IF YOU CANT BE BOTHERED! Really annoying me This place has business hours -im sorry but i didnt let this happen to me during busines hours sorry for anty inconvienience stupid woorld. Ive given up on that team and noone is making me go there. The police havent been in touch neither has any Pf and I see it that im to unstable because NO ONE is helping me here-not they way it should be. Im starting to think my ex friend set me up so he culd say :look at me im a qwonderful person, what a great daddy I am and I broke away from that frunken unstable cow!: and stick me in the cuckoo house-thats exactly where he wants me-in the meantime i hacve to look after my children and try and pusjh my own emotions aside while seeming like a rational mature respected ( nopt!) member of this world. What is it? Then even doctors , even the police look at me like I am mad!

Sorry for the rant. It got sorted out. But Im now scared to take other pills! My messages are someowhat crpitic. Deferred course today-made me cry!

Im on another ranr! Okay here goes. Nloody doctor could have been a bit less bipolar if you ask me. He seemed so nice face value -but then I receive a letter stating completely wrong information 1)That I wasnt admitted to hopital )BIG FAT WRONG INFO DUDES 2) That I VERBALLY ABUSE MY CHILDREN Pffff I know who Id like to go and verbally abuse -what a cheek...and is it any wonder that no one ask for help from these services if theey get the facts wrong. I merely stated that I get angry with my children when they mess up their room and leave sweetie papers behind and drop clothes on the floor...thats not verbal abuse ! S o I immediately rang the services this is just before going tfor a counselling sesssion with rape crisis. If it wasnt for the care team I have got at the moment I dont know if Id survive. I mean the letter said \"we were concerned about your low mood but blah blah...but what an insult stating this about me\" Im sorry Im not perfect and I have done various stupid things in my lifetime ( who god well heasnt) but im angry aboyut this-who got that information and why was it all wrong or what????? Did I hallucinate those 2 nights in hospital? if I didnt have the support team I have ( thank god for those really kind people ) I d be swinging it with paracetamol diazepam you name it I would have swallowed the lot and made sure I was a goner! I also told the lady on the phone -not that it was any of her business that my low mood was coupled with an incident out with my control ( not that that was any of her business) This makes me furious. Someone has waisted paper trees and oxygen and someone ellses tim etyoping up a crap letter that is full of false informtaion and twaddle dee doo....ask my children I said ...Just ask them... The laady did apologise but if I wasnt me , I might not have phoned and done horrible things to myself making the whole thing spiral out of control . These services are appalling. Really people need to be more careful Firstly, I did od , secondly because I dcouldnt get an assault out of my brain and its been a entire monthe Thirdyly I felt so worthless that my existence would have been better not being here. No one was listening -not my dad, ex, step dad, and the children dropping papers and crisp packets and ignoring my requests and picking up their rubbish enchaced thes feeling of invisibility.......and so now I am on new medication quetitapine or something-dont know if its working. I know Ill nnever do anything like this again becaus emy entire family know about it...and just like when I losy a stone when having chicken pox and not easting I still decalre \"I am fine: Obviously you people know better -but bloody hell..I feel like im shut in a total conspiracy theory. ( maybe should have watched shutter island the other night there) but petes sake -what is going on? Anyway, my kin d care team are passing this lletter ONTO their social work dept who know a little more about my backgorund etc than these people-that just makes me really angry....who kicks a horse when they are down having an epileptic sezure...oh let me answer that shall I yes,, just your psychiatric doctor in the infirmary!

Sorry-feel better now!